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borbokis

borbokis

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I was unfortunate enough to catch 10 minutes or so of FH last night and thought regular listeners might want to play along with Football Heaven Bingo (tm) tonight

Line One:
1. More than one caller to be called Mick
2. Caller speaks to host as if they can remember what they said when they rang up two weeks ago
3. Wednesday fan feels like they have to make a lame excuse as to why they couldn't attend the match
4. Wednesday fan says someone had a good game despite only having listened to the goal updates
5. MASSIVE

Line Two:
1. Someone mentions attendances
2. Wednesday fan contradicts themselves
FREE SQUARE: Brian the "blade" talks pure shite
4. Barnsley/chesterfield fan tries desperately to not talk about SUFC or SWFC
5. We actually hear from a Doncaster fan

Line Three:
1. A small child rings to be patronised whilst their dad is clearly telling them what to say in the background
2. Someone calls in to make the exact same point the previous caller did and has to make some shit up on the spot.
3. Old Fan in their 80's or 90's who you can barley understand
4. Pissed up "lads" on a coach/car
5. Someone feels the need to mention they're "not biting" when clearly "biting" to something brian the blade has said

Any more for any more?
 



For tonight, just have one square called Ched. Then, everyone wins. Or loses.
 
Examples from last night
Thick Rotherham Fan (TRF) "what did ah seh last week eh?"
Rob Staton (RS) "..."
(TRF) "last week rob what did ah seh?"
(RS) "you'll have to remind me you fucking dolt, i speak to hundreds of you cunts every day and can't say you're particularly unique or interesting enough for me to remember the conversation we had last week so could you stop talking to me like I'm your mate down the pub and just fucking tell me what it was you said so i can pretend i remember?"

(i might have paraphrased that last part slightly)
 
Pig Fan (PF) "When have you heard any owls fans come on here and slag the referee rob?"
(RS) "All the fans call in to complain about the referee no matter if their blue and white, red and white, (he then has to name all the colours all the teams play in which was a bit of a cul-de-sac he ended up wandering down)
(PF)"but that referee last night were PAFETIC" (irony free)
 
"eeeee I've been listening to your commentary today and what a joke that referee was!"

"so you weren't actually at the match today?"

"er.....no...I usually go, but had something on this week..."


or the usual one from fans when a manager is doing badly


"I'd like to know why our board hasn't approached (someone who was out of work at the time like) Sam Allerdyce!"

RS "do you think Allerdyce is a realist target for Barnsley?"

"yes, why not?"
 
I've listened this week and to be honest getting a bit annoyed with it. I know we are 4 points behind Barnsley but when you listen to the commentator they appear not to even want to consider we still have a chance of playoffs (slim I know) . listening to them Barnsley are definitely already in them, show's who they are behind and it's not us
 
borbokis said:
I was unfortunate enough to catch 10 minutes or so of FH last night and thought regular listeners might want to play along with Football Heaven Bingo (tm) tonight

Line One:
1. More than one caller to be called Mick
2. Caller speaks to host as if they can remember what they said when they rang up two weeks ago
3. Wednesday fan feels like they have to make a lame excuse as to why they couldn't attend the match
4. Wednesday fan says someone had a good game despite only having listened to the goal updates
5. MASSIVE

Line Two:
1. Someone mentions attendances
2. Wednesday fan contradicts themselves
FREE SQUARE: Brian the "blade" talks pure shite
4. Barnsley/chesterfield fan tries desperately to not talk about SUFC or SWFC
5. We actually hear from a Doncaster fan

Line Three:
1. A small child rings to be patronised whilst their dad is clearly telling them what to say in the background
2. Someone calls in to make the exact same point the previous caller did and has to make some shit up on the spot.
3. Old Fan in their 80's or 90's who you can barley understand
4. Pissed up "lads" on a coach/car
5. Someone feels the need to mention they're "not biting" when clearly "biting" to something brian the blade has said

Any more for any more?
Click to expand...

What about "formerly known as Blackpool blade" ringing in and still announcing himself as "formerly known as Blackpool blade."
 
1. (Jingle - in cringeworthy "local accent") Football Heaven on Bee Bee Cee Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeld".
2. (Announcer)/ You're listening to Football Heaven on BBC Radio Sheffield (well bugger me, I had no idea).
3. First up is Mick, then we have Mick to follow. The a couple of Pauls and a pair of Brians.
4. Michael, hello, I assume you are going to tell us the same thing 3 times?
5. Hello is that Mark. What? You don't want to mention United, but what? Sorry, you got 46,000 fans in the 60s, really? Sorry, you 'fink' Mr Chansiri has done a brilliant job? And please please please stop saying 'right yeah' and 'know what I mean'. And no, you won't get 30,000 crowds if you're in the top 6. Like ever.
6. And now lets' hear someone droning on about a broken down vehicle in the roadworks on the M1 and the usual delays on the parkway. Thank you.
7. Ken sorry not tonight. We've had complaints about your nauseating voice.
8. David, try not to sound too clever, and for goodness sake stop saying 'albeit' - our listeners just don't get it.
9. And now over to Jonathan Buchan, to see how may times he can say 'at the morrment in time', 'regular bare-sis', 'relegation zorn', etc etc.
10. Another Jonathan. Helooooooooooo!!! My goodness, you're a positive fellow aren't you.
11. Ian, great you could join us. Still living in Blackpool. Good. Next.
12. Brian, sorry call back another day, we've run out of time and frankly we're a little tired of your old chestnuts.

That was Football Heaven on BBC Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeeld.
Repeat ad nauseam.
 
What really riles me is the newish host who seems to really over excagerate/put on a Yorkshire accent.
 
Missing Spark said:
1. (Jingle - in cringeworthy "local accent") Football Heaven on Bee Bee Cee Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeld".
2. (Announcer)/ You're listening to Football Heaven on BBC Radio Sheffield (well bugger me, I had no idea).
3. First up is Mick, then we have Mick to follow. The a couple of Pauls and a pair of Brians.
4. Michael, hello, I assume you are going to tell us the same thing 3 times?
5. Hello is that Mark. What? You don't want to mention United, but what? Sorry, you got 46,000 fans in the 60s, really? Sorry, you 'fink' Mr Chansiri has done a brilliant job? And please please please stop saying 'right yeah' and 'know what I mean'. And no, you won't get 30,000 crowds if you're in the top 6. Like ever.
6. And now lets' hear someone droning on about a broken down vehicle in the roadworks on the M1 and the usual delays on the parkway. Thank you.
7. Ken sorry not tonight. We've had complaints about your nauseating voice.
8. David, try not to sound too clever, and for goodness sake stop saying 'albeit' - our listeners just don't get it.
9. And now over to Jonathan Buchan, to see how may times he can say 'at the morrment in time', 'regular bare-sis', 'relegation zorn', etc etc.
10. Another Jonathan. Helooooooooooo!!! My goodness, you're a positive fellow aren't you.
11. Ian, great you could join us. Still living in Blackpool. Good. Next.
12. Brian, sorry call back another day, we've run out of time and frankly we're a little tired of your old chestnuts.

That was Football Heaven on BBC Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeeld.
Repeat ad nauseam.
Click to expand...
Point 5. A fink it's actually 'Mestor Chansiri'.
 



It's the radio version of The Star - talentless hacks who wouldn't get a job in the real world spouting shite and trying to make it seem important.

'Traffic is building up on Derek Dooley Way/Upper Hanover Street...' yes, you cunts. It's what the rest of the world calls 'rush hour'.

'If you spot any more problems, ring us on the Jam Dodger Line...:rolleyes:' (where I'm sure you'll get through to Smashie & Nicey).

'Here's the local weather with cross-eyed Keely or the last weather boy in the vill-age...' (You know, just like the national weather we put out a couple of minutes ago, but any excuse to pad out our lamentable 'show'.)

'Today has been the Queen's 90th birthday...' Gerraway! And what's the 'local angle'? That her head was seen on a stamp in the 'local' area?

'Tomorrow, make sure to listen to... (any random, garbage show hosted by some dumb fuck with a weird name like Everard, Toby or Rony)

'Our last call is from Mick. What have you got to say, Mick?'

'Well, like, I'm not, like, know what I mean? like, going to, like, knock United, know what I mean? but did you, like, see their pathetic, know what I mean? crowd at home to Gillingham, like? We got almost, like, two thousand, know what I mean? more at home to Blackburn, like, and...'

'I'm sorry, Mick but we'll have to cut you off there as we've got Northern Soul coming up, a programme for the last half-dozen saddos in the region still wearing Oxford Bags and twirling on the dancefloor at the Mecca followed by 'Eastern Air' which is Bangra music for Rotherham taxi drivers while they wait for their next 'fare'...'
 
Last edited:
Ha ha! James a dingle just rabbited on about all sorts of possible outcomes in League1 and petered out to the point where he said "I don't really know what I'm talking about, do I?" Fair play to the bloke, but he then went on to say that they hadn't celebrated a goal so wildly as the one against Posh since....well, he couldn't think of one.....
 
At least it is better now Nob Staton is on a lot less.

My two appearance on the airwaves have come over the last 10 years, and I would imagine on both occasions it has resulted in my number appearing on the proscribed list.

The first one was a drunken rant after Leicester away 11 or 12 years ago where I was that smashed after being on the piss all day I came across as incoherent over the airwaves and the only occasion was to ring up a Ched Special when Nob Staton was on his high horse about United potentially employing a sex offender when I pointed out it had recently been in the press that the BBC had recently employed Jonathon King for some work.

I'm also blocked from following football heaven or Nob Staton after I gave it full beans after they was in full walkathon mode after the pigs went up in 2012.

It is still the same old sad tired format but I enjoy listening to the set of fools that allow themselves to be patronised by it, and they have become more and more a parody of themselves
 
Missing Spark said:
1. (Jingle - in cringeworthy "local accent") Football Heaven on Bee Bee Cee Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeld".
2. (Announcer)/ You're listening to Football Heaven on BBC Radio Sheffield (well bugger me, I had no idea).
3. First up is Mick, then we have Mick to follow. The a couple of Pauls and a pair of Brians.
4. Michael, hello, I assume you are going to tell us the same thing 3 times?
5. Hello is that Mark. What? You don't want to mention United, but what? Sorry, you got 46,000 fans in the 60s, really? Sorry, you 'fink' Mr Chansiri has done a brilliant job? And please please please stop saying 'right yeah' and 'know what I mean'. And no, you won't get 30,000 crowds if you're in the top 6. Like ever.
6. And now lets' hear someone droning on about a broken down vehicle in the roadworks on the M1 and the usual delays on the parkway. Thank you.
7. Ken sorry not tonight. We've had complaints about your nauseating voice.
8. David, try not to sound too clever, and for goodness sake stop saying 'albeit' - our listeners just don't get it.
9. And now over to Jonathan Buchan, to see how may times he can say 'at the morrment in time', 'regular bare-sis', 'relegation zorn', etc etc.
10. Another Jonathan. Helooooooooooo!!! My goodness, you're a positive fellow aren't you.
11. Ian, great you could join us. Still living in Blackpool. Good. Next.
12. Brian, sorry call back another day, we've run out of time and frankly we're a little tired of your old chestnuts.

That was Football Heaven on BBC Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeeld.
Repeat ad nauseam.
Click to expand...
Ian's moved to Eckington, don't you listen to a word he says ?
 
Missing Spark said:
1. (Jingle - in cringeworthy "local accent") Football Heaven on Bee Bee Cee Rare-Dior Sheffeeeeld".
Click to expand...

I hate that guy because he sounds like a pig fan. Can just imagine him with a fat gold chain round his massive neck and too much hair gel in
 
grafikhaus said:
It's the radio version of The Star - talentless hacks who wouldn't get a job in the real world spouting shite and trying to make it seem important.

'Traffic is building up on Derek Dooley Way/Upper Hanover Street...' yes, you cunts. It's what the rest of the world calls 'rush hour'.

'If you spot any more problems, ring us on the Jam Dodger Line...:rolleyes:' (where I'm sure you'll get through to Smashie & Nicey).

'Here's the local weather with cross-eyed Keely or the last weather boy in the vill-age...' (You know, just like the national weather we put out a couple of minutes ago, but any excuse to pad out our lamentable 'show'.)

'Today has been the Queen's 90th birthday...' Gerraway! And what's the 'local angle'? That her head was seen on a stamp in the 'local' area?

'Tomorrow, make sure to listen to... (any random, garbage show hosted by some dumb fuck with a weird name like Everard, Toby or Rony)

'Our last call is from Mick. What have you got to say, Mick?'

'Well, like, I'm not, like, know what I mean? like, going to, like, knock United, know what I mean? but did you, like, see their pathetic, know what I mean? crowd at home to Gillingham, like? We got almost, like, two thousand, know what I mean? more at home to Blackburn, like, and...'

'I'm sorry, Mick but we'll have to cut you off there as we've got Northern Soul coming up, a programme for the last half-dozen saddos in the region still wearing Oxford Bags and twirling on the dancefloor at the Mecca followed by 'Eastern Air' which is Bangra music for Rotherham taxi drivers while they wait for their next 'fare'...'
Click to expand...

Very funny that mate.

Would just add though that Keely may be bozz eyed, but she is still very lovely. Makes me come over all Leslie Phillips when she wears a tight dress to present the weather on Look North.
 
west_yorks_blade said:
Very funny that mate.

Would just add though that Keely may be bozz eyed, but she is still very lovely. Makes me come over all Leslie Phillips when she wears a tight dress to present the weather on Look North.
Click to expand...

I hope that when she appears on your TV screen, you say "helllllllllooooo" and as she finishes the forecast and hands back to the team, you say "Ding Dong!"
 
Grappler said:
I hope that when she appears on your TV screen, you say "helllllllllooooo" and as she finishes the forecast and hands back to the team, you say "Ding Dong!"
Click to expand...

I certainly do. Then I twiddle my moustaches and try to clamber on our gert, before I realise that I have incurred the cold shoulder for letching at a gorgeous young filly
 
west_yorks_blade said:
I certainly do. Then I twiddle my moustaches and try to clamber on our gert, before I realise that I have incurred the cold shoulder for letching at a gorgeous young filly
Click to expand...

leslie-phillips-02.jpg
 



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