Exorcists for hire. Calling the paranormal/witchcraft/demon specialist blades.

[ShorehamRevolution]

I’m not, or should I say I wasn’t into believing in this kind of thing, until 5pm Saturday I thought paranormal stuff, the devil, god etc was all a load of rubbish.
I now fully believe we’re cursed though, I’ve just typed in exorcists for hire in the UK, I’m not sure how much they cost and what happens, obviously Wembley is the curse rather than Bramall Lane so anyone that gets hired will ideally go and sort the ritual out down Wembley… or is it on the club in general? How do these things work? How much do they cost? Can we crowdfund it? Will it sort the beer and pie queues out or will that be extra?

I need serious answers only blades.

 

[Yellarbellyblade]

I’m not, or should I say I wasn’t into believing in this kind of thing, until 5pm Saturday I thought paranormal stuff, the devil, god etc was all a load of rubbish.
I now fully believe we’re cursed though, I’ve just typed in exorcists for hire in the UK, I’m not sure how much they cost and what happens, obviously Wembley is the curse rather than Bramall Lane so anyone that gets hired will ideally go and sort the ritual out down Wembley… or is it on the club in general? How do these things work? How much do they cost? Can we crowdfund it? Will it sort the beer and pie queues out or will that be extra?

I need serious answers only blades.

Not too likely that

 

[ShorehamRevolution]

Not too likely that

Yes, there’s always one or two silly posts but I fully believe some blade somewhere on this forum has the knowledge to answer me in an adult manner. We’re a sensible fan base.

 

[Jimmy Fleck]

Who was manager when we last won at Wembley in 1925? A descendant of them must be present during said exorcism.

 

[Bladesman]

Ask Glen Hoddle, isn’t he into this sort of shit?

 

[MKY]

Maybe next time they should put a vial of holy water on every seat instead of a commemorative scarf?

 

[biggiesablade]

Catch a Lane pigeon, take it to Wembley and kill it on the center spot.

 

[Loco Blade]

Get Clinton Baptiste in ! He’s in touch with THE OTHER SIDE

 

[ShorehamRevolution]

Catch a Lane pigeon, take it to Wembley and kill it on the center spot.

I think you’ve phrased this wrong “sacrifice it” rather than kill it, we wouldn’t want the RSPB/RSPCA getting all narky about the situation so i feel calling it a sacrificial ritual rather than a killing would cover the grey area here.

 

[borg elite]

 

[moody1889]

I’m not, or should I say I wasn’t into believing in this kind of thing, until 5pm Saturday I thought paranormal stuff, the devil, god etc was all a load of rubbish.
I now fully believe we’re cursed though, I’ve just typed in exorcists for hire in the UK, I’m not sure how much they cost and what happens, obviously Wembley is the curse rather than Bramall Lane so anyone that gets hired will ideally go and sort the ritual out down Wembley… or is it on the club in general? How do these things work? How much do they cost? Can we crowdfund it? Will it sort the beer and pie queues out or will that be extra?

I need serious answers only blades.

We would divine intervention from the main man himself we are beyond cursed it is all too predictable.

When i tell people that if anything can go wrong it usually does for us that is why i never over celebrate anymore.

Because unless you are 3-4 up you just know that if something could go wrong for us it usually does.

 

[noire]

Science can no longer explain the events surrounding this club.

I will chip in and contribute to a fund to purchase a rooster, a sharp knife and to hire a shaman.

 

[Guesty]

Who was manager when we last won at Wembley in 1925? A descendant of them must be present during said exorcism.

I don't think we had a manager back then, we'll have had some sort of general secretary or somesuch.

EDIT: Just checked, John Nicholson his name was, and he was indeed the club secretary. His role at the club was closest to what a manager or first team coach does now.

 

[Davalon]

Buy Barry Fry a few pints and let him piss on all the corner flags

 

[Davalon]

Get Clinton Baptiste in ! He’s in touch with THE OTHER SIDE

Clinton says the answer is, 'don't go nesh at half time'

 

[Jon Bon II]

If you got beat up, walking home through a dodgy area late at night, and someone asks you why you were there at that time and you answered that you'd missed the last bus, they'd probably tell you to make sure not to miss the last bus home in future.

If we don't want to lose in the play-offs, I'd suggest we make sure that we don't lose at home to the likes of Hull and Millwall and don't get beat by lowly teams like Plymouth and Oxford away. I'd also suggest that we make sure that we're better run off the pitch, so as not to get two points taken away from us before a ball is kicked.

 

[Tezza1889]

I'm getting the word

"Substitutions"

 

[MKY]

Did our manager around 1925 handle a pair of cursed monkey bollocks?

 

[HodgysBrokenThumb]

Do we get reduced rates for buying an exorcist’s services in bulk? While they are solving the play-off curse, we need them to solve the 13-year curse as well. No good going up via the play-offs, only to get relegated in bizarre circumstances, on the final day of the following season (with the recent variant of Covid delaying the inevitable by a a year)

 

[Cuypers]

I’m sure I remember my old dad talking about some sort of curse at the Lane and players pissing on the goal posts…or something like that.

 

[The Vicar]

Hey, I've said it before, I am here!

This is right up my street. As a Blade there would be no charge. Well maybe a couple of pints of Jaipur!

 

[wak1889]

Science can no longer explain the events surrounding this club.

I will chip in and contribute to a fund to purchase a rooster, a sharp knife and to hire a shaman.

Which one? Colin Angus or Derek or Keith mcenzie? eezer eezer good he's ebeneezer goode loved it

 

[BlairBlade]

We would divine intervention from the main man himself we are beyond cursed it is all too predictable.

When i tell people that if anything can go wrong it usually does for us that is why i never over celebrate anymore.

Because unless you are 3-4 up you just know that if something could go wrong for us it usually does.

So the fault doesn’t lie with Wilder.
Praise be!

 

[ShorehamRevolution]

Hey, I've said it before, I am here!

This is right up my street. As a Blade there would be no charge. Well maybe a couple of pints of Jaipur!

According to Google AI we need someone higher than a vicar I’m afraid

In the Catholic Church, a "major exorcism" can only be performed by an ordained priest with the explicit permission of their local bishop. Before performing the exorcism, the priest must ensure that the individual is not suffering from mental illness, and that the issues are not of a natural cause. In some other religions, an exorcist can be a specially trained person, such as a priest, nun, monk, or shaman

 

[Stockport blade]

It’s clear the last winners at Wembley pissed on a gypsys caravan en route. Only one solution-Barry fry pissed on the corner flags of St Andrews to rid the curse-come one Chris one more first to to….

 

[YES Blade]

We should’ve worn the away kit….

Red, white, and black play-off curse​

Teams who traditionally wear red and white striped shirts and black shorts are said to be cursed in the English Football League play-offs. Between the inception of the play-offs in 1987 and 2020, clubs who use those colours made 33 play-off appearances and all failed to win promotion. In that time, Brentford and Sheffield United both lost in four play-off finals, and Exeter City, Sunderland, and Lincoln City lost three finals apiece. One exception occurred in 1990, when Sunderland lost to Swindon Town, but they were subsequently awarded the promotion place due to financial irregularities involving Swindon. The curse was beaten in 2021, when Brentford beat Swansea City to win promotion to the Premier League. A day later, Lincoln City lost the League One play-off final to Blackpool. In 2022, Sunderland ended their own curse with victory in the League One play-off final. As of 2022, teams who wear red and white striped shirts have a play-off success rate of 8.8%.

 

[metalblade]

It all got worse when the South stand was built and the old cricket pavilion was demolished. Ask anyone who works at the club if the South Stand is haunted? I'll bet you quite a few say it is. The ex wife worked there as a cleaner and in the kitchen for the Platinum suit. Certain parts of that stand they would not clean alone after one of the lasses cleaned the empty toilets only for a figure to come out of them a minute or two later there was no way for anyone to go into the toilets without passing her on the corridor it really shit her up. The ex wife said she always felt she was being watched down towards the away end of the South Stand, she said it was creepy and didn't like to look over her shoulder scared someone or something could be behind her. In the end she went over to work in John st looking after the exec boxes and function rooms that side.

 

[ShorehamRevolution]

It all got worse when the South stand was built and the old cricket pavilion was demolished. Ask anyone who works at the club if the South Stand is haunted? I'll bet you quite a few say it is. The ex wife worked there as a cleaner and in the kitchen for the Platinum suit. Certain parts of that stand they would not clean alone after one of the lasses cleaned the empty toilets only for a figure to come out of them a minute or two later there was no way for anyone to go into the toilets without passing her on the corridor it really shit her up. The ex wife said she always felt she was being watched down towards the away end of the South Stand, she said it was creepy and didn't like to look over her shoulder scared someone or something could be behind her. In the end she went over to work in John st looking after the exec boxes and function rooms that side.

There’s something strange in the neighbourhood? Who we going to call?

 

[Gin&Juice]

Need a seance on Sheaf Street. FFS John Nicholson!!

Nicholson died in 1932 after being knocked down by a lorry whilst crossing the road outside Sheffield Midland Station on his way to join the team, who were heading off to Birmingham to play a match against Aston Villa. Local newspaper reports estimated that over 6,000 people attended his funeral.<a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Nicholson_(football_secretary)#cite_note-blades_whos_who-1"><span>[</span>1<span>]</span></a>

 

[Edgar Allan Poo]

It all got worse when the South stand was built and the old cricket pavilion was demolished. Ask anyone who works at the club if the South Stand is haunted? I'll bet you quite a few say it is. The ex wife worked there as a cleaner and in the kitchen for the Platinum suit. Certain parts of that stand they would not clean alone after one of the lasses cleaned the empty toilets only for a figure to come out of them a minute or two later there was no way for anyone to go into the toilets without passing her on the corridor it really shit her up. The ex wife said she always felt she was being watched down towards the away end of the South Stand, she said it was creepy and didn't like to look over her shoulder scared someone or something could be behind her. In the end she went over to work in John st looking after the exec boxes and function rooms that side.

Good to know the dead make the effort to use the facilities though. Same can't always be said for the living.