Eastbourne blades.

[Cerberus Blade]

The links between Sheffield and Shoreham in Sussex are quite fascinating. At one time there was a lot of trade between the two. “Shoreham Street” in Sheffield was the quickest and most direct route to Shoreham in Sussex, hence the name. (A bit like London Road was the quickest and most direct route to London).

The advent of motorways changed all that of course, and the twiddly bits they put in around Queens Road. But at one time you could proceed down Shoreham Street and emerge at the Earl of Arundel pub without diverting on to Queens Road.

There used to be an underpass at that junction near the Earl of Arundel which led to where the train line is now. And from there it was one straight road all the way to Shoreham.

Why?

Simple.

Shoreham was a great exporter of vowels back in the day. Their command of vowels was the envy of the rest of the UK. Sheffield folk struggled to get top jobs in London because of their poor use of vowels which made them sound thick. So Shoreham council struck a deal to export proper vowels to Sheffield, ones that weren’t flat or contaminated by the letter ‘d’ or ruined by the use of ‘t’ instead of ‘the’.

It was an immediate success and Sheffield City Council named *”Shoreham Street” after Shoreham in Sussex in acknowledgement of the trade agreement on vowels between the two.

(*SCC originally named it “Shoreham Streeat” until the correct vowels arrived).

The trade continued successfully for many years until one day the Shoreham council tried to pull a fast one and sell us the letter ‘h’. Sheffield rejected this outright because it felt far too posh. Then, the railways were invented and that direct road to Shoreham became the Midland mainline to London.

Sheffielders went back to using flat vowels and that was that.

 

[Northyorksblade]

The links between Sheffield and Shoreham in Sussex are quite fascinating. At one time there was a lot of trade between the two. “Shoreham Street” in Sheffield was the quickest and most direct route to Shoreham in Sussex, hence the name. (A bit like London Road was the quickest and most direct route to London).

The advent of motorways changed all that of course, and the twiddly bits they put in around Queens Road. But at one time you could proceed down Shoreham Street and emerge at the Earl of Arundel pub without diverting on to Queens Road.

There used to be an underpass at that junction near the Earl of Arundel which led to where the train line is now. And from there it was one straight road all the way to Shoreham.

Why?

Simple.

Shoreham was a great exporter of vowels back in the day. Their command of vowels was the envy of the rest of the UK. Sheffield folk struggled to get top jobs in London because of their poor use of vowels which made them sound thick. So Shoreham council struck a deal to export proper vowels to Sheffield, ones that weren’t flat or contaminated by the letter ‘d’ or ruined by the use of ‘t’ instead of ‘the’.

It was an immediate success and Sheffield City Council named *”Shoreham Street” after Shoreham in Sussex in acknowledgement of the trade agreement on vowels between the two.

(*SCC originally named it “Shoreham Streeat” until the correct vowels arrived).

The trade continued successfully for many years until one day the Shoreham council tried to pull a fast one and sell us the letter ‘h’. Sheffield rejected this outright because it felt far too posh. Then, the railways were invented and that direct road to Shoreham became the Midland mainline to London.

Sheffielders went back to using flat vowels and that was that.

You sir, have too much time on your hands

 

[Cerberus Blade]

You sir, have too much time on your hands

I know! Amazing what crap passes through my mind whilst sitting bored in an airport lounge.

Things have been a bit quiet though of late but my new business venture, exporting manners to Southerners, could change all that soon!

 

[Northyorksblade]

I know! Amazing what crap passes through my mind whilst sitting bored in an airport lounge.

Things have been a bit quiet though of late but my new business venture, exporting manners to Southerners, could change all that soon!

I thought I phrased my comment, perfectly politely.

 

[Cerberus Blade]

I thought I phrased my comment, perfectly politely.

You did indeed Sir and that’s because you are an adopted Northener according to your board name.

You have no doubt learned to smile at people in the street who you don’t know and say outlandish things like “Hello! Lovely day isn’t it?” But these are life skills that escape most Southerners. That’s why I intend to exploit this gap in the market and export them in what I call my “manners” package.

I can also do refresher courses for Southerners who have moved up North too. These include useful tips like reminding them that “batter” is what we have on fish, not on bread.

There’s a special Sheffield version too which explains things that may mystify some Southerners. For example, a “Sheffield Fishcake” is two slices of potato fried in batter with little or no fish in them. “Scallops” are a single slice of potato fried in batter - a bit like half a Sheffield Fishcake - not a seafood delicacy. “Cake on a cake” is what you ask for in a chip shop if you want a Sheffield Fishcake butty. “Hendo’s” is a less tasty version of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce. And so on.

I consider it my duty to help Southerners adapt to life as Northeners and only charge several hundred pounds for my service (per hour).

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

You did indeed Sir and that’s because you are an adopted Northener according to your board name.

You have no doubt learned to smile at people in the street who you don’t know and say outlandish things like “Hello! Lovely day isn’t it?” But these are life skills that escape most Southerners. That’s why I intend to exploit this gap in the market and export them in what I call my “manners” package.

I can also do refresher courses for Southerners who have moved up North too. These include useful tips like reminding them that “batter” is what we have on fish, not on bread.

There’s a special Sheffield version too which explains things that may mystify some Southerners. For example, a “Sheffield Fishcake” is two slices of potato fried in batter with little or no fish in them. “Scallops” are a single slice of potato fried in batter - a bit like half a Sheffield Fishcake - not a seafood delicacy. “Cake on a cake” is what you ask for in a chip shop if you want a Sheffield Fishcake butty. “Hendo’s” is a less tasty version of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce. And so on.

I consider it my duty to help Southerners adapt to life as Northeners and only charge several hundred pounds for my service (per hour).

Do you need a London based consultant/employee? Being married to someone from 'Daahn Saahf' I know the market and have a cupboard well stocked with 'Relish' (where this Hendo's bollocks came from I don't know).

 

[Northyorksblade]

You did indeed Sir and that’s because you are an adopted Northener according to your board name.

You have no doubt learned to smile at people in the street who you don’t know and say outlandish things like “Hello! Lovely day isn’t it?” But these are life skills that escape most Southerners. That’s why I intend to exploit this gap in the market and export them in what I call my “manners” package.

I can also do refresher courses for Southerners who have moved up North too. These include useful tips like reminding them that “batter” is what we have on fish, not on bread.

There’s a special Sheffield version too which explains things that may mystify some Southerners. For example, a “Sheffield Fishcake” is two slices of potato fried in batter with little or no fish in them. “Scallops” are a single slice of potato fried in batter - a bit like half a Sheffield Fishcake - not a seafood delicacy. “Cake on a cake” is what you ask for in a chip shop if you want a Sheffield Fishcake butty. “Hendo’s” is a less tasty version of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce. And so on.

I consider it my duty to help Southerners adapt to life as Northeners and only charge several hundred pounds for my service (per hour).

I still struggle with bootter and my better half just can't pronounce butter properly, comes out as batter. Souther nuances that only southerners can deal with.
I would like to hire your services though. Can you do a sale or return deal? I need to be able to pronounce correctly ie In northern 'Ay up serri, would you pass me a glass of water while I am sitting in the bath. I'll see thi.'

 

[Boxer Blade]

Quite unbelievable how far folk travel in support of the blades, like me, all the way from South anston, mind you a couple of season's ago the journey home after a match seemed like I was travelling to Eastbourne

 

[Cerberus Blade]

I still struggle with bootter and my better half just can't pronounce butter properly, comes out as batter. Souther nuances that only southerners can deal with.
I would like to hire your services though. Can you do a sale or return deal? I need to be able to pronounce correctly ie In northern 'Ay up serri, would you pass me a glass of water while I am sitting in the bath. I'll see thi.'

Yes I can see the problem here. You have travelled too extensively through these Northern parts and are getting your colloquialisms mixed up.

“Ay up Serri” is definitely Derbyshire (where I’m from). “Ay up” should be substituted for “Narden” and “Serri” should be substituted for “pal” when in Sheffield.

“Would you pass me?” becomes “Giz” and “a glass of water” becomes “a glass a watta”. “While I am sitting in the bath” becomes “in t’ baff’.

I can’t go on providing these lessons for free you’ll understand. But just PM your bank card details and PIN number and “it’ll be reight”.

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

Yes I can see the problem here. You have travelled too extensively through these Northern parts and are getting your colloquialisms mixed up.

“Ay up Serri” is definitely Derbyshire (where I’m from). “Ay up” should be substituted for “Narden” and “Serri” should be substituted for “pal” when in Sheffield.

“Would you pass me?” becomes “Giz” and “a glass of water” becomes “a glass a watta”. “While I am sitting in the bath” becomes “in t’ baff’.

I can’t go on providing these lessons for free you’ll understand. But just PM your bank card details and PIN number and “it’ll be reight”.

Not one to get into semantics, but "Naahden chuff, fetch uz a glass a watta, am in't baff" is a bit more authentic.

 

[BushBlade]

Not one to get into semantics, but "Naahden chuff, fetch uz a glass a watta, am in't baff" is a bit more authentic.

I'm not one to get into semantics but who has a glass of water whilst they're in the bath?

 

[I should coco]

I'm not one to get into semantics but who has a glass of water whilst

Tha works a reet thirst up getting t'coal outta bath first.

 

[Cerberus Blade]

I thought "having a glass of water in the bath" was a euphemism for indulging in watersports with the missus. Probably just the way my mind works.

So you really mean "drinking a glass of water, whilst in the bath?" That's pervy in my book!