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Blackheath Blade

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Hi, sorry to bother you as i'm sure you'll all be busy deliberating on this weeks Champions League shenanighans, in which you had a hand in perverting the course of a game in Manchester last night.
I'd just like to say thanks for ensuring that no work was done in our office his morning as even our Head of Department joined in the "Nanigate" debate. Nice work with the distraught Fergie excuse though.

The reason i'm writing is to ask for a favour from the Football Gods please. This is not just from me, but is also on behalf of about seventeen to eighteen thousand mates of mine, plus about ten thousand other mates who we seem to have lost contact with over the last four or five years.

The thing is, we all support Sheffield United and to be honest, we're a bit hacked off with the Gods at the moment and have been for a few years (since 1889 if you need to ask). Basically Lads, we've been through the fuckin car crusher in recent years thanks to you. You've ensured that the misfortune and relegations we've experienced have been comedy gold, like something out of Morecambe & Wise or a West End farce.

On the occasions that our team has tried to defy the Gods and rectify the position you've put us in, you've no doubt pissed your pants at our efforts to put things to rights. I bet your ribs are still sore with laughing when you hear any mention of play off finals, Richard Scudamore, Hans Segers, Carlos Tevez, David Hopkin, Wolves, Brian Robson, The Pigs, Wade Elliott, four managers in one season, a night out in Rhyll and Huddersfield fuckinTown. Sound familiar?

A few have shed tears because of your actions, most of us though just shrug our shoulders and get on with things, despite the shit that you continue to throw our way.

Me and the other Blades were just wondering therefore, if just for once, the Football Gods could help us out for the first time in yonks. You see, we're doing alright this season and currently, we're second in the table with about a dozen games to play. We're totally fed up with this Division One lark as we are with visits to Wembley. Could you all have a meeting and review my comments please as we would be extremely grateful if you could ensure that we receive one of the two automatic promotion places this season. This would ensure that seventeen to eighteen thousand Blades would have their faith restored in the Football Gods and we may also make contact again with our missing ten thousand mates.

Yours sincerely

Blackheath Blade
South East London

p.s not being greedy or owt but could you arrange for Sheffield Wednesday to be relegated too please?
 



I thought 90 % of us dont believe in God ,you need to refer this to Gavlar and CCG for access.
 
Dear Blackheath,

Thank you for your touching and heartfelt plea. Whilst company policy is to ignore all such requests I feel the least we can do is give you some advance warning of our plans in the hope that you can salve another years' pain by relieving Mr P Power, Mr P Inchy and the likes of some of their ill-gotten gains.

Saturday 19th May (Wembley Stadium) Sheffield United 0 Tranmere Rovers 1 (O'Hallorhallorhalloran 89)

Yours in sport

The Footballing Gods
 
just point out between 1898 and 1903 we were the man utd of that era, and a run like that is well overdue

1 league and 2 cups in 6 years is nothing like Man Utds last 6 years.

Any success is welcome, though.
 
1 league and 2 cups in 6 years is nothing like Man Utds last 6 years.

Any success is welcome, though.


We were winners or runners up in either the league or the cup in every season from 1896-97 to 1901-02, basically us and Villa were the Man Utd and Chelsea of that era - we won 3 trophies and were runners up 3 times whereas Villa won 4 trophies, with no runners up. No other club managed more than one trophy in that period.

What other club has to go back so long for their golden era? Probably only Bury (cup winners in 1900 and 1903)
 
We were winners or runners up in either the league or the cup in every season from 1896-97 to 1901-02, basically us and Villa were the Man Utd and Chelsea of that era - we won 3 trophies and were runners up 3 times whereas Villa won 4 trophies, with no runners up. No other club managed more than one trophy in that period.

What other club has to go back so long for their golden era? Probably only Bury (cup winners in 1900 and 1903)

Slightly selective end points - Villa won the league 4 times in 5 years, with our win sandwiched in the middle, or 5 times in 7 years if you prefer. Villa also won the double in 1897 and the Cup in 1895. We were good, but not quite on a par with them. Still, it's better than anything we've had since.

As for other clubs who have not tasted success since: Preston. 3 of their 4 trophies were won by 1890. Notts County's golden era was also over before the Boer War.
 
Slightly selective end points - Villa won the league 4 times in 5 years, with our win sandwiched in the middle, or 5 times in 7 years if you prefer. Villa also won the double in 1897 and the Cup in 1895. We were good, but not quite on a par with them. Still, it's better than anything we've had since.

As for other clubs who have not tasted success since: Preston. 3 of their 4 trophies were won by 1890. Notts County's golden era was also over before the Boer War.


Fair point. Basically, though, the following team (from memory)

Foulke

Thickett
Boyle

Wilkinson
Morren
Needham

Bennett
Common
Hedley
Priest
Lipsham

Is the best we have ever had relative to the teams they were playing against.
 



Blackheath Blade,

The FG's have asked me to send you this message:

Morning, it's another pure grey morning
Don't know what the day is holding
When I get uptight
And I walk right into the path of a lightning bolt.


Don't know what they're on about but they were very insistent!
 
Tell them to stop Bugging you:-

"Fortune, people talking all about fortune
Do you make it or does it just call you
In the blinking of an eye
Just another passerby in the path of a lightning bolt"
 
Normally to placate the gods you have to make a sacrifice, offering or partake in some sort of ritual. I used to have the lucky underpants, Jockey, that were blessed by the gods and they were ritually adorned every matchday. Then I took to avoiding the razor on a matchday, offering up stubble to gain divine favour. Nowadays I seem to have fallen into some sort of agnostic stupor. Maybe I need to find another sacrificial offering or ritual to ensure success this season.
 
1 league and 2 cups in 6 years is nothing like Man Utds last 6 years.

Any success is welcome, though.

4 FA CUP FINALS 2 WINS 2 LOSSES the 1901 the first ever 100000 crowd ,1 TITLE 2 runners up AND THE ONLY EVER BRITISH CHAMPIONSHIP beating celtic over 2 legs , so big newton heath changed their name to manchester united instead of manchester celtic
that would have been 5 years in europe , had it been around
 
Normally to placate the gods you have to make a sacrifice, offering or partake in some sort of ritual. I used to have the lucky underpants, Jockey, that were blessed by the gods and they were ritually adorned every matchday. Then I took to avoiding the razor on a matchday, offering up stubble to gain divine favour. Nowadays I seem to have fallen into some sort of agnostic stupor. Maybe I need to find another sacrificial offering or ritual to ensure success this season.
In 1990 at school we did some badge making and I created one in celebration of our promotion saying SHEFFIELD UNITED FC DIVISION ONE.

In 1993 nearing the end of the first Premier League season, I ritually burned it to ensure we escaped relegation and didn't become a 'Division One' team again.
 
Looking at the way the results and table are going each week, it's quite conceivable that we could go into the final Saturday knowing that a win would take us up automatically and a loss could take us out of the play-offs.

Sky Sports sources understand that the FGs have been working overtime to make it so.
 



You don't do irony, do you Baldrick? :D

I bloody do. Every Sunday morning whilst the missus is at Church...

Hang on, Irony, not ironing....no, not on messageboards...tends not to come across too well...maybe we need a Alanis Morrisette* Smilie


*or actually considering the song is hopelessly inaccurate in describing irony (which may actually be the whole ironic point) maybe not...
 

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