Bladeulike
Member
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2016
- Messages
- 256
- Reaction score
- 2,248
The time: May 2021
The place: a garage somewhere in Sheffield…
Mechanic: what can I do for you sir?
CW: I’m having trouble with my Ford Escort. Ran beautifully for around 3-4 years but this last 12 months it seems to be misfiring on all cylinders and stinking the place out
Mechanic: does it have a service record?
CW: oh yeh, I fitted it with some ‘Burke’ go faster stripes, a set of those top of the range ‘McBurnie’ seat warmers, a brand new ‘Moose’ first aid kit and a ‘Berge’ carburettor that I wrenched out of a Mercedes and welded randomly onto the bonnet. Oh, and I painted the whole car in that luminescent red ‘Brewster’ paint. That nice Mr Klopp from Liverpool 2nd Hand Dealers said if I did paint it red then everyone would see me coming for miles
Mechanic: You do realise that all of those things won’t make a scrap of difference to how the car runs don’t you? Have you tried bump starting it?
CW: You mean slapping the badge on my chest? Yes, worked well at first but then seemed to just make my pecs sore. Thing is, I’ve always loved this car since I was a child and will do anything I can to put it right -what can we do?
Mechanic: well it basically needs stripping down and rebuil…
CW: …oh sod it, I’m not that bothered, I’m off. Can I have £4million quid please?
5 minutes later
Mechanic: Mr Heckingbotham? I have some bad news for you…
CW: excuse me mate, where’s the back door?
The place: a garage somewhere in Sheffield…
Mechanic: what can I do for you sir?
CW: I’m having trouble with my Ford Escort. Ran beautifully for around 3-4 years but this last 12 months it seems to be misfiring on all cylinders and stinking the place out
Mechanic: does it have a service record?
CW: oh yeh, I fitted it with some ‘Burke’ go faster stripes, a set of those top of the range ‘McBurnie’ seat warmers, a brand new ‘Moose’ first aid kit and a ‘Berge’ carburettor that I wrenched out of a Mercedes and welded randomly onto the bonnet. Oh, and I painted the whole car in that luminescent red ‘Brewster’ paint. That nice Mr Klopp from Liverpool 2nd Hand Dealers said if I did paint it red then everyone would see me coming for miles
Mechanic: You do realise that all of those things won’t make a scrap of difference to how the car runs don’t you? Have you tried bump starting it?
CW: You mean slapping the badge on my chest? Yes, worked well at first but then seemed to just make my pecs sore. Thing is, I’ve always loved this car since I was a child and will do anything I can to put it right -what can we do?
Mechanic: well it basically needs stripping down and rebuil…
CW: …oh sod it, I’m not that bothered, I’m off. Can I have £4million quid please?
5 minutes later
Mechanic: Mr Heckingbotham? I have some bad news for you…
CW: excuse me mate, where’s the back door?
