shorehamview
Pink Sambuca drinking World Champion.
Hi there Mr. Batho,
There are a few points I'd like you to clear up for me. I've spent all morning nursing this hangover and not looking for your email address, so I'm posting here because, well, I only ever go on here, Ebay, Christa Ackroyd's personal member's only site and www.m4carbine.net
1. Why has the seat in front of me still got last summer's bird shit on it? It's been there in rain, sleet, snow and the current sub-tropical heatwave. Do you not possess a scrubbing brush and clean the seats every week, and if not, why?
2. How the hell do they manage to cook those pies inside a plastic wrapper? That's bloody witchcraft that is.
3. Why can't we sign more players with funny names? I am aware you have nowt to do with signing players, regardless of their names, but why can't you go out yourself and sign some players with humorous names? Wendy had Kenny Lunt the other year. Come on Batho, pull your socks up.
4. Why aren't you on here, this very forum, morning noon and night, permanently logged on and logged in so you can answer everyone's questions whenever they can't be arsed to send you an email, it being of course harder to send an email than it is to turn base metals into gold or to get my wife to terminate a phone call prematurely?
4. Why are Curly Wurlys so short these days? You, like me and many of the members of this fine forum, look like you'd enjoy a nice Curly Wurly. Why don't we sell Curly Wurlys at the "refreshment" kiosks?
5. Why can't we have a good kit? I'd rather have PSV's cast offs than those bloody Macron ones. In fact, can we have a raffle to design the next kit, so that whichever design is pulled out of the hat wins regardless of what it actually looks like? Failing that, Stade Francais have some lovely shirts, all flowery and that. Or I quite fancy Feyenoord's. Or Melchester Rovers.
6. Why do we put up with those bloody pigeons flapping around? Can't we get someone in with a falcon, or better still, an eagle? I'm sure what with Sheffield Eagles currently knackering, sorry, borrowing our pitch for their games we could borrow their club eagle.
A big eagle soaring majestically around the ground before the match would certainly inspire the players, although I think that replacing pigeon shit with eagle excrement may be an issue. Perhaps we could start selling Eagle Poo Repelling Hats in the club shop? You can have that idea for free.
7. Why haven't you set up your own website to publicise your daily life yet? We need to know exactly what you are doing at the exact moment you do it. Breakfast choice - muesli or full English - we need to know!
Some of us are waiting with mouths open and breath well and truly baited to find out your itinerary for each day, just so we can get all mardy when you do something that's not related to United, like going to Ikea or the pictures, or looking round art galleries at pictures and sculptures and unmade beds.
So hurry up and answer these pertinent questions. I'm also sure that other members of this forum with no idea of how to compose an email are eager as beavers to ask their equally important questions too.
There are a few points I'd like you to clear up for me. I've spent all morning nursing this hangover and not looking for your email address, so I'm posting here because, well, I only ever go on here, Ebay, Christa Ackroyd's personal member's only site and www.m4carbine.net
1. Why has the seat in front of me still got last summer's bird shit on it? It's been there in rain, sleet, snow and the current sub-tropical heatwave. Do you not possess a scrubbing brush and clean the seats every week, and if not, why?
2. How the hell do they manage to cook those pies inside a plastic wrapper? That's bloody witchcraft that is.
3. Why can't we sign more players with funny names? I am aware you have nowt to do with signing players, regardless of their names, but why can't you go out yourself and sign some players with humorous names? Wendy had Kenny Lunt the other year. Come on Batho, pull your socks up.
4. Why aren't you on here, this very forum, morning noon and night, permanently logged on and logged in so you can answer everyone's questions whenever they can't be arsed to send you an email, it being of course harder to send an email than it is to turn base metals into gold or to get my wife to terminate a phone call prematurely?
4. Why are Curly Wurlys so short these days? You, like me and many of the members of this fine forum, look like you'd enjoy a nice Curly Wurly. Why don't we sell Curly Wurlys at the "refreshment" kiosks?
5. Why can't we have a good kit? I'd rather have PSV's cast offs than those bloody Macron ones. In fact, can we have a raffle to design the next kit, so that whichever design is pulled out of the hat wins regardless of what it actually looks like? Failing that, Stade Francais have some lovely shirts, all flowery and that. Or I quite fancy Feyenoord's. Or Melchester Rovers.
6. Why do we put up with those bloody pigeons flapping around? Can't we get someone in with a falcon, or better still, an eagle? I'm sure what with Sheffield Eagles currently knackering, sorry, borrowing our pitch for their games we could borrow their club eagle.
A big eagle soaring majestically around the ground before the match would certainly inspire the players, although I think that replacing pigeon shit with eagle excrement may be an issue. Perhaps we could start selling Eagle Poo Repelling Hats in the club shop? You can have that idea for free.
7. Why haven't you set up your own website to publicise your daily life yet? We need to know exactly what you are doing at the exact moment you do it. Breakfast choice - muesli or full English - we need to know!
Some of us are waiting with mouths open and breath well and truly baited to find out your itinerary for each day, just so we can get all mardy when you do something that's not related to United, like going to Ikea or the pictures, or looking round art galleries at pictures and sculptures and unmade beds.
So hurry up and answer these pertinent questions. I'm also sure that other members of this forum with no idea of how to compose an email are eager as beavers to ask their equally important questions too.
