Sean the Blade
Member
Gary sighed, closed the book and relaxed back into his chair. He sat forwards and read the title “Assertive Man, Unleash Your Hidden Tiger”. He had just read the chapter ‘Man of the House’.
“To hell with it, let’s give it a go!” He reached for the telephone and dialled his home number, as he heard the click as the phone was picked up, he took a deep breath and held it as his wife’s voice answered “Hello!”
“Right love” he said “Things are gonna change at our house. When I get home YOU are going to have prepared me a meal fit for a man of my standing. Once I have eaten my fill, you will have my slippers and newspaper ready, and I shall sit and watch Sky Sports News… in silence.
Afterwards I shall take you to bed, where we will have the sort of sex you only see in films. Afterwards you will draw me a bath, bathe me, then dry me. You will put me my dressing gown on, then settle me down in bed for peaceful undisturbed nights sleep. Then, in the morning, do you know who is going to wash, shave, dress me and comb my hair?”
“Yes” replied Mrs Megson “The bloody funeral director!” The phone slammed down. Gary sat with the receiver still to his ear “Well, that could’ve gone worse” he reflected. His concentration was disturbed by a knock at the door “Come in!”
Gary Madine’s face peered round the door “Have you got a minute boss?”
“Gary Gary Gary, have a seat, what do you want to ask, fire awa….. Erm anything at all just ask…”
“Well, It’s about the gym boss”
“The gym, yes , great to hear you’re getting ready for the match… erm, game on Sunday lad”
“Well, I thought I’d put a smidge of weight on, cos somebody spiked my dinner with a KFC Boneless Bucket, so I went to the gym”
“Yes, you’re looking lighter… erm less heavy around the waist”
“Yell, what it is boss, I saw a hole in my trainer”
“Yes”
“And I thought I could get my finger in that!”
“Yes”
“So I stuck my finger in the hole, in my trainer”
“Yes”
“And then she slapped me, and now she’s reported me to the police, and I'm banned from the gym!”
“Oh hell’s bells Gary, Just go home and I’ll try and sort this out”
“I can’t go home boss”
“Why not?”
“Well my neighbour confronted this morning me, about the things going missing off her washing line… I nearly pappered her pants”
“To hell with it, let’s give it a go!” He reached for the telephone and dialled his home number, as he heard the click as the phone was picked up, he took a deep breath and held it as his wife’s voice answered “Hello!”
“Right love” he said “Things are gonna change at our house. When I get home YOU are going to have prepared me a meal fit for a man of my standing. Once I have eaten my fill, you will have my slippers and newspaper ready, and I shall sit and watch Sky Sports News… in silence.
Afterwards I shall take you to bed, where we will have the sort of sex you only see in films. Afterwards you will draw me a bath, bathe me, then dry me. You will put me my dressing gown on, then settle me down in bed for peaceful undisturbed nights sleep. Then, in the morning, do you know who is going to wash, shave, dress me and comb my hair?”
“Yes” replied Mrs Megson “The bloody funeral director!” The phone slammed down. Gary sat with the receiver still to his ear “Well, that could’ve gone worse” he reflected. His concentration was disturbed by a knock at the door “Come in!”
Gary Madine’s face peered round the door “Have you got a minute boss?”
“Gary Gary Gary, have a seat, what do you want to ask, fire awa….. Erm anything at all just ask…”
“Well, It’s about the gym boss”
“The gym, yes , great to hear you’re getting ready for the match… erm, game on Sunday lad”
“Well, I thought I’d put a smidge of weight on, cos somebody spiked my dinner with a KFC Boneless Bucket, so I went to the gym”
“Yes, you’re looking lighter… erm less heavy around the waist”
“Yell, what it is boss, I saw a hole in my trainer”
“Yes”
“And I thought I could get my finger in that!”
“Yes”
“So I stuck my finger in the hole, in my trainer”
“Yes”
“And then she slapped me, and now she’s reported me to the police, and I'm banned from the gym!”
“Oh hell’s bells Gary, Just go home and I’ll try and sort this out”
“I can’t go home boss”
“Why not?”
“Well my neighbour confronted this morning me, about the things going missing off her washing line… I nearly pappered her pants”
