Hitchhiker Downgrades Himself After Failing to Reach Oldham

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Greenwich Blade

Hitch-Hike General
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Egham, Surrey
I am no longer The World's Greatest Hitchhiker but merely An Okay One Between Terminal 5 and Toddington. Here's what I wrote on Facebook about my failed attempt to attend today's game:

Worst day of hitchhiking in nine years.

What makes it seem worse is the fact that at Junction 14 of the M25 the VERY FIRST VEHICLE stopped and took me to Toddington Services on the M1.

The only problem I have ever had here before was when those Millwall fans hit me on the nose (big target I know) with a well-aimed full can of Foster's.

I'm usually gone from there in half-an-hour tops, but today I was there for a full-on miserable FOUR HOURS. Nearly SIX if you include the stroll over to the southbound side where I sat down and listened to the climax of the cricket (and that wound me up too) before striking out for home.

By the time the bloke in the red van stopped and asked me twenty questions, I was a ticking time-bomb. Boom. I very rarely give the rods when hitchhiking, but this one was a special case.

The next car to stop saw me opening the door and leaping in before he could even think about driving off. He was going my way around the M25 too, so I returned to where it all started, Junction 14 of the M25.

He was a nice guy, although his English wasn't brilliant. I'm not sure if he was amused or bemused, or even concerned, by my bouncing around in the front seat when Matty Done equalised for Sheffield United.

I'm home now, and I intend to have a long lie down.

And this was my rare outburst to the guy in the red van, followed by an explanation as to why I'd got narked:

"Forget it mate, drive off; I'm not here for a fucking debate. And no, I don't want to 'do some work' for you for free." Followed by the rods.

I'm probably cursed now but folks, you know I must be angry if I turn down a lift.

How did that exchange transpire?

I wasn't in the sunniest of moods as I was heading back south by this time at Toddington Services. He was in a red van with his pregnant other-half in the passenger seat nearest the door. They stopped and as the window came down she locked the door (I heard it click). I was holding a sign saying London but he still asked me where I was going.

"Anywhere in London I can get a bus."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to get home."

"Where are you going?"

"London!"

"Where have you been?"

"Nowhere. I got stuck on the other side so I'm going home."

"Where do you live?"

"London!"

"Where are you from?"

And thus followed my above outburst. He'd not asked me if I would 'do some work for us' but I knew it was coming.
 



good effort greenwich.. sometimes hitching is like that

It certainly is. Blackburn away, Chelsea at home (twice), Norwich away and Wigan away are the ones that immediately spring to mind. Not to mention half-time arrivals at Stockport away, Peterborough away and Reading at home. That's always fun because the stewards have to go and find some old bloke with a key to unlock the gate and let you in.

The wizened old prune at Stockport spent an age scrutinising my ticket, so sure was he that I was trying to pull a fast one. We were already 2-0 up by the time I arrived. Stockport scored not long into the second half; we hung on for a 2-1 win but as far as I was concerned we lost 1-0. It was a midweek match and it took me all night to hitch back to London. The most galling thing was the same truck driver who had given me the bulk of the lift up there saw me again on the M40 at about 3 o'clock in the morning, and with nothing else to get in his line of vision he sailed right past me - I must have really bored him rigid as we queued in that traffic jam either side of Birmingham.
 
Greenwich- how long do you normally set aside to get to away games? Like todays game at Oldham for example. Not an exact science, hitchhiking (I've only ever hitched a lift once).
 
Greenwich- how long do you normally set aside to get to away games? Like todays game at Oldham for example. Not an exact science, hitchhiking (I've only ever hitched a lift once).

It all depends on the distance obviously, but the Greenwich Rule of Thumb (see what I did there?) is to give myself around double the time one could reasonably drive it, so London to Sheffield is six hours, my aim being to arrive at my start-point by 9 o'clock at the latest. I always wake up with the best of intentions in hoping to get there an hour earlier but I am notoriously slow at getting ready, to the point where ex-girlfriends would have to shout for me to hurry up if we were off out.

Today was a day where I wanted to be in position by 8 o'clock but it never looked likely. In the end I was at Junction 14 of the M25 by 8:50 and on my way by 8:51 so I didn't do too badly. And then bloody Toddington Services decided to be rubbish.
 
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rookie mistake
you wanted Chadderton , not Manchester

Carefully avoided a kick in the 'nads there BTL! I had a sign saying "M60/OLDHAM" for when I got closer but alas...

In the end as I descended into madness and a don't-give-a-fuck attitude I was showing the other side of my sign which said "AMESBURY - STONEHENGE" to get some cheap laughs; even that didn't work.

The contract cleaner who must have walked past me at least half-a-dozen times couldn't bring himself to look at me. However, when I had switched to the southbound carriageway I saw him with his mate in the car-park pointing in my direction, so I gave him a forces-style salute complete with a big flourish. He gave me an embarrassed wave back.
 



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