Geordie Blade
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2010
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I posted this about 8 years ago on BU (or Viewpoints, or SUISA...), but it felt like time for an update of players' names...
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Age 0-5: Taught to shout "Up the Blades" by dad/mum. Wendy fan Uncle (or Brother-in-Law, etc.) teaches you to shout "Wednesday", but dad teaches you to follow it with "...are pigs *snort snort*".
Age 5-10. Taken to first game. Decide to hero worship the main striker/goalscorer of the time. For some, this will be Jimmy Hagan, Tony Currie, Keith Edwards, Brian Deane, Jan Aage Fjortoft or Rob Hulse. For others, due to a lack of alternative options, it might have to be Laurent D’Jaffo.
Age 11-15. The replica kit phase. Queueing outside the club shop at 7:30am on the day of release of the new kit. Get a player's name on the back. Probably start to get taken to more away games, and learn to sit outside pubs drinking coke, waiting for dad/mum.
Age 16-20. This is the 'United til I die' phase. Following various setbacks with girls, you come to realise that "United are your only friend" and that nothing else matters. You spend all of your money on going to away games. It particularly helps if United are struggling in the lower two tiers, as it fuels your 'us against the world' mentality.
Age 21-27. Things drop off a bit here. Other things in life start to take over. You've possibly moved away from Sheffield, had kids, got a job or whatever. The 'United til I die' thing seems a bit silly in hindsight. This could well be your 'wilderness years' phase and, in the future, you will have no recollection of games played during this period.
Age 28-35. Back in the swing of things. You've now got a bit more money to spare and so you make the most of it at Bramall Lane. You may also begin to accept that your chances of actually playing for United are starting to diminish.
Age 36-50. The comfortable years. You'll now be enjoying your trips to Bramall Lane. You're a bit more resilient to the setbacks, and are resigned to the fact that we're not going to be world beaters. In general, you enjoy the ups and manage to get through the downs without too much incident. Hopefully, you'll have introduced your sons/daughters to the Blades (in which case, go to Step 1, above).
Age 51-60. At some point in this phase, you'll inexplicably become irate at the club and football in general. It won't be related to a major incident - most likely a simple misplaced pass in a game away at Bury or somewhere in the League Cup second round. The previous 30 years of relative smoothness will be blown out of the window in an explosion of pent-up frustration, as you've "had enough of this garbage". You vow to never waste your money on this rubbish again, and you’ll start to watch the rugby instead. You contemplate supporting a non-league football team, but it doesn't quite feel right.
Age 61+. A little bit more wisdom has now allowed you to see beyond the 'problems' five years ago, and you decide to attend BDTBL again. You get a season ticket in the New South Stand, and take along a rug and flask. You while away the cold February nights by remembering the 'proper' old days, when the players were local, honest lads. It's a shame that the modern players earn so much that they don't seem to enjoy playing football these days. But you quite like that Harry Maguire.
.
Age 0-5: Taught to shout "Up the Blades" by dad/mum. Wendy fan Uncle (or Brother-in-Law, etc.) teaches you to shout "Wednesday", but dad teaches you to follow it with "...are pigs *snort snort*".
Age 5-10. Taken to first game. Decide to hero worship the main striker/goalscorer of the time. For some, this will be Jimmy Hagan, Tony Currie, Keith Edwards, Brian Deane, Jan Aage Fjortoft or Rob Hulse. For others, due to a lack of alternative options, it might have to be Laurent D’Jaffo.
Age 11-15. The replica kit phase. Queueing outside the club shop at 7:30am on the day of release of the new kit. Get a player's name on the back. Probably start to get taken to more away games, and learn to sit outside pubs drinking coke, waiting for dad/mum.
Age 16-20. This is the 'United til I die' phase. Following various setbacks with girls, you come to realise that "United are your only friend" and that nothing else matters. You spend all of your money on going to away games. It particularly helps if United are struggling in the lower two tiers, as it fuels your 'us against the world' mentality.
Age 21-27. Things drop off a bit here. Other things in life start to take over. You've possibly moved away from Sheffield, had kids, got a job or whatever. The 'United til I die' thing seems a bit silly in hindsight. This could well be your 'wilderness years' phase and, in the future, you will have no recollection of games played during this period.
Age 28-35. Back in the swing of things. You've now got a bit more money to spare and so you make the most of it at Bramall Lane. You may also begin to accept that your chances of actually playing for United are starting to diminish.
Age 36-50. The comfortable years. You'll now be enjoying your trips to Bramall Lane. You're a bit more resilient to the setbacks, and are resigned to the fact that we're not going to be world beaters. In general, you enjoy the ups and manage to get through the downs without too much incident. Hopefully, you'll have introduced your sons/daughters to the Blades (in which case, go to Step 1, above).
Age 51-60. At some point in this phase, you'll inexplicably become irate at the club and football in general. It won't be related to a major incident - most likely a simple misplaced pass in a game away at Bury or somewhere in the League Cup second round. The previous 30 years of relative smoothness will be blown out of the window in an explosion of pent-up frustration, as you've "had enough of this garbage". You vow to never waste your money on this rubbish again, and you’ll start to watch the rugby instead. You contemplate supporting a non-league football team, but it doesn't quite feel right.
Age 61+. A little bit more wisdom has now allowed you to see beyond the 'problems' five years ago, and you decide to attend BDTBL again. You get a season ticket in the New South Stand, and take along a rug and flask. You while away the cold February nights by remembering the 'proper' old days, when the players were local, honest lads. It's a shame that the modern players earn so much that they don't seem to enjoy playing football these days. But you quite like that Harry Maguire.
