P
pommpey
Guest
I wrestled with writing up today's game. To be honest, what do you need to know that you already don't? We were SHIT. Anyone who counters that can firmly take this from me - 'what the fuck game were you watching?' or 'you don't know what you're talking about.'
For starters, I hope every one of the almost two thousand Unitedites who had travelled from all over the country (mainly the 220 miles south to pay for hotels and savour our hospitality) got home safely tonight. As I understand there may be a lot of you who attend a lot of these away games who spend their hard earned supporting a heartless, wasteful shower of fuckpipes we currently call 'Sheffield United'. There have been worse examples of this team in the past, but even my limited memory causes me problems to recall an example. Possibly the McEwan era was not particularly splendid, maybe even Blackwell. I dunno. But I'd like to credit you people, and the poor fuckers who turn the stiles at BDTBL every other weekend to help pay for these wankers to play football. Like being married to a complete bitch but loving her for it, there is no question of divorce, is there? We are stuck with them.
I apologise if I didn't quite catch up with some Blades on here in and around a sunny Portsmouth today. As it turned out the Shepherd's Crook was closed to away supporters (despite jnr Pommpey's bird knowing six Pompey shirters quaffing behind the barrier) so we ended up in the red zone in the Milton Arms with a load of Bladesmen in the garden/yard singing heartily. A few years ago this would have resulted in a 6:57 raid and some broken heads, but the atmosphere in the streets today was upbeat, positive and definitely 'for fun'. I mean - they'd just slid from FA Cup winners to the fourth division in five years, and been arseraped by every Middle eastern shyster on the way. Oh, and 'ten points', a council that hates them and their rivals up in the Prem doing nicely, TVM. But anyway, the beer was shit (as ever - you will not ever beat the Tetley's in the Railway on BL, if you ask me) and walking to the ground with people various who I know/bumped into, they all knew how much we wanted this game and how much of a fuck-up this season had been. Me, my granddaughter (fourth game this season in her late mum's 1993 classic third/blue away shirt) my lad and his bird took our seats at the right hand back of the Milton End, packed with Unitedites.
The team filed out and we all applauded Pompey's team-owned recent triumph, but as someone close by said, it's fucking great to get all your debts paid off and start again without anything we'd faced like selling players - when I pointed out that Pompey had got rid of a shitload of players and had some sixty playing staff on their books this season with hardly the same lineup week in and week out. Nevertheless the game itself looked to be a good one, the nearly 20000 crowd for this League Division Three fixture were in great song with the North Stand neanderthals reacting well to Bladesmen taunts of 'Going Down', 'Again ... we'll never seen you again!' and 'Pay Up Pompey'. One fat lad took some corking abuse and the fans just made a fuckload of noise to rival the Fratton mob.
From kickoff we pushed forward and the first attack almost resulted in ...
No. Lets tell it like it is, eh?
We had fuck all to offer, readers.
Instead of giving you a writeup, here's what I think. You can read stats all you want, but in a nutshell, I don't remember going 'Oooh!' all afternoon. I have said this before on here and today's match bore me witness. Pull on a United shirt = play like a wanker. Don't agree? Okay. Square me this:
1. McMahon. Picks ball up five yards forward of the corner of the 18 yd box. Lumps ball 50 yards aiming for Kitson. Porter, McDonald, Flynn - likely aim points for the second ball nowhere to be seen. Ball ricochets off Kitson's melon and possession is lost. Three times he did that.
2. Flynn (oh, dear God). Gets ball in advantageus right-wing position but, on miscontrolling the pass and scuffing back possession, cuts inside to two of their players closing him down.
3. Hill. Cross field pass, one bounce, into the crowd. No pressure. He also (twice) turned an advantageous phase of possession on it's head by going backwards.
4. Higginbotham. 'Ooh. We need experience.' Do we fuck. Give me a semi-fit, pissed-from-the-night-before Maguire anyday over this lavatory bowl. Where was this dopper for two of the three goals? Smoking a fag behind the Fratton end? Having a shit?
5. Murphy. Plays for Sheffield United. Not the team we support. Another Sheffield United, in his head.
6. Doyle. Apparently this bloke got on the team coach. That's the fucking last they saw of him.
Okay. To some, criticising your own team for playing badly is tantamount to kid-fiddling. Booing the shower of well-paid choppers for the serial disappointment of an unarrested slide from PL to Third division laughing stock with any sort of humiliation in between is like dry bumming your own granny. It's nothing of the sort. Sheffield United are failing to manage my expectations now. I don't expect them to win the Champions League, I do however expect them to convincingly beat a football team already relegated, with a makeshift playing staff most of whom won't be at FP next season. I also expect them to be in a better position than those teams around them - Doncaster and Bournemouth ... both fighting re-election once upon, Yeovil Town ... fucking hell Dronfield is bigger than Yeovil, and Brentford ... hey ... they play in our strip don't they? I also expect United to be above teams like Watford, Milwall, Burnley, Peterborough, Bristol City, Barnsley and Sheffield fucking Wednesday.
Today summed up where we are in a nutshell, as if we didn't know from Tuesday after shitting away a clear tactical, numerical and scoreline advantage. Pompey had a day out in the sun, kept the ball well, took their chances wonderfully and showed us up for what we all know we are. I left Fratton Park around 62 minutes, disgusted and ashamed at the bastards pretending to be associated with me out on that pitch. They all deserve their wages docking for what was one of the most spineless, abject performances I have seen them offer, and by that I gauge the playoff final last year and in 2003 as well. As a footballing lesson it was comprehensive ... not so bad if you are playing Man United, piss poor if you are playing a team on the canvas. And don't fucking give me 'they were pumped because they won their court case' either. We should be pumped because we have pissed points away and are needing to dick teams like Pompey so it puts the fear into our playoff contemporaries. Pompey could have all stayed in the dressing room for thes econd half and the score would have remained 0-3. It was that bad.
Out of ten (as if it matters)
Long. 6/10. Can't remember if he actually did much except watch the ball loop past him for the first, flash past him for the second and the ball bobble across the area for the third. Nice jersey. There you go.
McMahon 3/10. Fucking clueless. Wild shots into the crowd or anywhere else. Punts up the pitch. Shit corners.
Collins 6/10. Our best player. (yep. six out of ten) Great ball control. (joke)
Higginbotham 3/10. No comment
Hill. 4/10. Square boots. Positionally wank. Billy backwards.
Flynn. 2/10. He's shit, guys. Please ... just put down your arrows and begrudgingly agree with me.
McDonald. 5/10. Poor McDonald. Talented, rangey, tactically adept and playing with berks.
Doyle. (fell at the first fence and was shot by the vets)
Murphy. 4/10. Where exactly does this bloke want to play? Is it actually at Sheffield United?
Porter. 5/10. Sometimes today (you're not gonna believe this) he actually looked like he wanted it. That was when the lumped forward hoofism wasn't straight over his head.
Kitson 2/10. Great chance to show his old club what they were missing. He did just that today. They were laughing their bollocks off at him. And us.
Robson. 4/10. Okay ... less than that. I didn't see him do anything constructive, except almost pick up a booking. Yes. he was that good.
Forte 3/10. Peederundluv-peederundluv, peederundluv, peederundluv. Only without the good bits.
Summary. Lucky to make the playoffs. Luckier to come away from round one undicked.
Pompey. They'll be back.
Officials. Good
Crowd. Pompey - noisy. Blades - undeserving of such pathetic football.
pommpey
For starters, I hope every one of the almost two thousand Unitedites who had travelled from all over the country (mainly the 220 miles south to pay for hotels and savour our hospitality) got home safely tonight. As I understand there may be a lot of you who attend a lot of these away games who spend their hard earned supporting a heartless, wasteful shower of fuckpipes we currently call 'Sheffield United'. There have been worse examples of this team in the past, but even my limited memory causes me problems to recall an example. Possibly the McEwan era was not particularly splendid, maybe even Blackwell. I dunno. But I'd like to credit you people, and the poor fuckers who turn the stiles at BDTBL every other weekend to help pay for these wankers to play football. Like being married to a complete bitch but loving her for it, there is no question of divorce, is there? We are stuck with them.
I apologise if I didn't quite catch up with some Blades on here in and around a sunny Portsmouth today. As it turned out the Shepherd's Crook was closed to away supporters (despite jnr Pommpey's bird knowing six Pompey shirters quaffing behind the barrier) so we ended up in the red zone in the Milton Arms with a load of Bladesmen in the garden/yard singing heartily. A few years ago this would have resulted in a 6:57 raid and some broken heads, but the atmosphere in the streets today was upbeat, positive and definitely 'for fun'. I mean - they'd just slid from FA Cup winners to the fourth division in five years, and been arseraped by every Middle eastern shyster on the way. Oh, and 'ten points', a council that hates them and their rivals up in the Prem doing nicely, TVM. But anyway, the beer was shit (as ever - you will not ever beat the Tetley's in the Railway on BL, if you ask me) and walking to the ground with people various who I know/bumped into, they all knew how much we wanted this game and how much of a fuck-up this season had been. Me, my granddaughter (fourth game this season in her late mum's 1993 classic third/blue away shirt) my lad and his bird took our seats at the right hand back of the Milton End, packed with Unitedites.
The team filed out and we all applauded Pompey's team-owned recent triumph, but as someone close by said, it's fucking great to get all your debts paid off and start again without anything we'd faced like selling players - when I pointed out that Pompey had got rid of a shitload of players and had some sixty playing staff on their books this season with hardly the same lineup week in and week out. Nevertheless the game itself looked to be a good one, the nearly 20000 crowd for this League Division Three fixture were in great song with the North Stand neanderthals reacting well to Bladesmen taunts of 'Going Down', 'Again ... we'll never seen you again!' and 'Pay Up Pompey'. One fat lad took some corking abuse and the fans just made a fuckload of noise to rival the Fratton mob.
From kickoff we pushed forward and the first attack almost resulted in ...
No. Lets tell it like it is, eh?
We had fuck all to offer, readers.
Instead of giving you a writeup, here's what I think. You can read stats all you want, but in a nutshell, I don't remember going 'Oooh!' all afternoon. I have said this before on here and today's match bore me witness. Pull on a United shirt = play like a wanker. Don't agree? Okay. Square me this:
1. McMahon. Picks ball up five yards forward of the corner of the 18 yd box. Lumps ball 50 yards aiming for Kitson. Porter, McDonald, Flynn - likely aim points for the second ball nowhere to be seen. Ball ricochets off Kitson's melon and possession is lost. Three times he did that.
2. Flynn (oh, dear God). Gets ball in advantageus right-wing position but, on miscontrolling the pass and scuffing back possession, cuts inside to two of their players closing him down.
3. Hill. Cross field pass, one bounce, into the crowd. No pressure. He also (twice) turned an advantageous phase of possession on it's head by going backwards.
4. Higginbotham. 'Ooh. We need experience.' Do we fuck. Give me a semi-fit, pissed-from-the-night-before Maguire anyday over this lavatory bowl. Where was this dopper for two of the three goals? Smoking a fag behind the Fratton end? Having a shit?
5. Murphy. Plays for Sheffield United. Not the team we support. Another Sheffield United, in his head.
6. Doyle. Apparently this bloke got on the team coach. That's the fucking last they saw of him.
Okay. To some, criticising your own team for playing badly is tantamount to kid-fiddling. Booing the shower of well-paid choppers for the serial disappointment of an unarrested slide from PL to Third division laughing stock with any sort of humiliation in between is like dry bumming your own granny. It's nothing of the sort. Sheffield United are failing to manage my expectations now. I don't expect them to win the Champions League, I do however expect them to convincingly beat a football team already relegated, with a makeshift playing staff most of whom won't be at FP next season. I also expect them to be in a better position than those teams around them - Doncaster and Bournemouth ... both fighting re-election once upon, Yeovil Town ... fucking hell Dronfield is bigger than Yeovil, and Brentford ... hey ... they play in our strip don't they? I also expect United to be above teams like Watford, Milwall, Burnley, Peterborough, Bristol City, Barnsley and Sheffield fucking Wednesday.
Today summed up where we are in a nutshell, as if we didn't know from Tuesday after shitting away a clear tactical, numerical and scoreline advantage. Pompey had a day out in the sun, kept the ball well, took their chances wonderfully and showed us up for what we all know we are. I left Fratton Park around 62 minutes, disgusted and ashamed at the bastards pretending to be associated with me out on that pitch. They all deserve their wages docking for what was one of the most spineless, abject performances I have seen them offer, and by that I gauge the playoff final last year and in 2003 as well. As a footballing lesson it was comprehensive ... not so bad if you are playing Man United, piss poor if you are playing a team on the canvas. And don't fucking give me 'they were pumped because they won their court case' either. We should be pumped because we have pissed points away and are needing to dick teams like Pompey so it puts the fear into our playoff contemporaries. Pompey could have all stayed in the dressing room for thes econd half and the score would have remained 0-3. It was that bad.
Out of ten (as if it matters)
Long. 6/10. Can't remember if he actually did much except watch the ball loop past him for the first, flash past him for the second and the ball bobble across the area for the third. Nice jersey. There you go.
McMahon 3/10. Fucking clueless. Wild shots into the crowd or anywhere else. Punts up the pitch. Shit corners.
Collins 6/10. Our best player. (yep. six out of ten) Great ball control. (joke)
Higginbotham 3/10. No comment
Hill. 4/10. Square boots. Positionally wank. Billy backwards.
Flynn. 2/10. He's shit, guys. Please ... just put down your arrows and begrudgingly agree with me.
McDonald. 5/10. Poor McDonald. Talented, rangey, tactically adept and playing with berks.
Doyle. (fell at the first fence and was shot by the vets)
Murphy. 4/10. Where exactly does this bloke want to play? Is it actually at Sheffield United?
Porter. 5/10. Sometimes today (you're not gonna believe this) he actually looked like he wanted it. That was when the lumped forward hoofism wasn't straight over his head.
Kitson 2/10. Great chance to show his old club what they were missing. He did just that today. They were laughing their bollocks off at him. And us.
Robson. 4/10. Okay ... less than that. I didn't see him do anything constructive, except almost pick up a booking. Yes. he was that good.
Forte 3/10. Peederundluv-peederundluv, peederundluv, peederundluv. Only without the good bits.
Summary. Lucky to make the playoffs. Luckier to come away from round one undicked.
Pompey. They'll be back.
Officials. Good
Crowd. Pompey - noisy. Blades - undeserving of such pathetic football.
pommpey
