What's your dullest anecdote about meeting a footballer?

[Jinxy1966]

Christ. When she was in Game On, she was in the Champions League Quarter Finals with two away goals of fuckability.

That whole programme was ace. But she just screamed 'defile the laundry basket'.

Then she joined Stenders and became very plain.

Someone once said of Charlotte Church, 'she reeks of hotel-bed, hangover sex'. Yes, to the power twenty. You've pulled it, you took her back, you're both hammered. You gave it a go last night but it was like trying to get a flump into a doormouse's ear. You've now woken up and messy haired, smeared mascara, smelling of stale wine and minge she is absolutely fucking devastating. You have a hard on a kitten couldn't climb, your skull feels like Woodward has hit it on the drop from thirty yards and you are fighting the need to vomit your hoop up so you are inside out. But you have to mate with this female who is equally trashed, because in an hour, the maid will be knocking on the door to change the sheets you've left chocolate kisses on and pretty soon a lake of hot cod yoghurt. And you can't recall where your wallet is.

And you don't even know her fucking name. She says she sings and stuff. Wevs.

pommpey

Samantha Janus in the shower in Up ‘n Under

 

[Brewster Cost £70 million]

I used to do abit of football in the community years back and often saw TC,the first time I met him he asked if I could get him blue movies

 

[PageHallBlade]

Having just read through all of pommpey's musings, I'd appreciate it if you could rephrase "so I came across quite a few..."

no the phrase will be ideal for the "filthiest anecdote about meeting a footballer thread"

 

[Westran]

I once paid for parking in a Manchester NCP carpark and Rio Ferdinand was paying for his parking at the machine next to me. I tried not to acknowledge that I'd recognised him, he looked tall and unfriendly.

 

[Le Cynique]

This thread is fried gold.

Also, to keep it up, I once saw Wes Morgan in Selfridges at the Trafford Centre. He was fucking massive and had a cunty ‘Matrix-style’ black leather jacket on. Kind of looked a bit like Morpheus, if Morpheus had incongruously ginger hair.

 

[dellasthunderbolt]

I once shared a jacuzzi with Paddy Kenny at a gym in Rotherham! Bubbles had turned off and he asked if it was okay to turn them back on. Rock and roll.

 

[Greenwich Blade]

I once served Sol Campbell in Tesco Bishopsgate.

 

[3-GBlade]

I met Mel Sterland outside the pub (he is sort of a friend of a be-trottered friend) and sad to say he seemed to be quite a decent chap really.

 

[Barstoneworth Ottershaw]

In the late 1980s I once stood in a queue for a cash machine on Oxford Road behind Blue Peter's Janet Ellis.

Away you go Pommpey...

 

[Bla blade]

SLIDING DOORS ....I once nearly ran down a guy in the car park of the Impala Club, Nairobi. Turned out to be Jonah Barrington, the squashed champion. He was out in Nairobi getting some high altitude training. It was dark but fortunately I braked just in time; otherwise I might have ended his career.

 

[Le Cynique]

In the late 1980s I once stood in a queue for a cash machine on Oxford Road behind Blue Peter's Janet Ellis.

Away you go Pommpey...

I still would. And I’d do her rather than her daughter.

Sarah Greene is still the gold standard, though…

 

[Houston_Blade]

Remembered one where we were on a golf weekend at Forest Pines and QPR were staying there under Warnock. We spent all the first evening shouting “weerz Warnock” at the QPR players across the bar.

2nd night my mate won a good chunk on a golf bet (Schwartzel Masters win from memory), he tried to buy a few bottles of champagne to celebrate but was told that the QPR players had supped it all the night before.

Remember walking out of my room for breakfast in the morning and Fitz Hall was walking past, I’m 6ft 5 but he’s fucking massive.

Also went to Durham with the Mrs on the way to Edinburgh, West Brom were staying in our hotel. Martin Olsson (sp?!) banged his head walking in through the door. Hodgson was shitfaced with his coaching staff (including Dean Kiely) and the players were sat next to him drinking coke or water.

 

[ForgeBlade]

I once stood on Carl Asaba's foot while I was going for a piss mid-film at Cineworld.

 

[HodgysBrokenThumb]

Last autumn I was dropping off a family member at the Midland Station and parked alongside John Egan, who was meeting someone. He seemed like a fine young man, and I was particularly impressed that I set off behind him and actually drove behind him for at least a couple of miles at my very sedate old man’s driving speed. He is clearly no Mousset

 

[HD8 Blades]

Not me but my Mrs. Texting me whilst at a work do to tell me she’d met and had a photo taken with “that Woman footballer, you know the one who presents stuff as well” going on to describe Alex Scott. She showed me photo she’d had taken with the famous guest speaker once home. Not Alex Scott and no idea who she was to this day. Gin apparently was involved

 

[Klaatu Barada Nikto]

There were two phrases, and I could only think of 'Iranu'.

Summat tells me that even if I'd have uttered 'Uvavu', the road to her silken (but well-trodden) valley of wonder would have still been shut permanently to cheap, wide vehicles.

That, and she'd had four kids fired out of it, by four (count 'em) different dads.

No stranger to the workings of weaponry, that lass. In her youth she was a sparkling work of fucking beauty, but a bit like many of the nineties babes - Denise Van Outen being one other - the hard yards carrying jizz from the counterpane to the shithouse upside the old birth canal hasn't been kind to their constitution.

Melanie Sykes however seems to have largely escaped the ravages of cock jousting. I'd like to see what happened to Dani Behr too.

pommpey

Dani behr is now selling houses in California and looks rough as fuck

 

[Bayingblade]

I once asked Paul Williams how the fuck he missed that sitter against Bristol City.

We were in Champs, he was a lot bigger than me, I was pissed.

He made his excuses and left.

 

[Westran]

Stephen Quinn walked past my table at Dronfield Toby Carvery a few months back

 

[pommpey]

Dani behr is now selling houses in California and looks rough as fuck


View attachment 133319

Hmmm.

"Two fishcake butties and a large chips. Scraps an all. Salt and Hendoes, aye. Oh, and you've got summat leaking out of your shoe. And have you been eating cheese and onion Monster Munch love?"

pommpey

 

[sitwell]

Another time I was sat in Guy Salmons having dropped off my car for a service and I’ve called a taxi, told it will be about 5 mins. 5 mins later a black chap walks in and starts looking around for someone so I pick up my case and stand up. One of the sales guys spots me and indicated with his hand for me to sit down. He comes over and says “that’s not your taxi driver”, “how do you know” I say, “because it’s Michael Antonio” he says, “he’s come to pick up his girlfriend“ (apparently he had bought her an Evoque)

Anyway, that’s how I was saved from being involved in what would have possibly looked a lot like a racist incident by a quick thinking car salesman. UTB

Did that actually happen ,because when I bought mine from Guy salmons the salesman told me the same story which had apparently happened the day before. Antonio was at Forest then.

 

[FatPaul]

Kyle walker once smashed our window with a stone, trying to get a Frisbee out of a tree when we were kids.

 

[raimond]

Funny what gets the old corpuscles coursing through your semi. Deborah Meaden does it for me. Yes really. (I'll get me coat....)

Kinell, I've spent ages reading this, not even trying to find summat funny or insulting or owt to say, just sort of confused, sort of in awe. I know it takes all sorts, but I just sort of can't see an angle on how you could. Sort of like Thatcher, but a bit more like...she smokes 50 a day. Genuinely, fair play to you I say.

 

[pommpey]

In the late 1980s I once stood in a queue for a cash machine on Oxford Road behind Blue Peter's Janet Ellis.

Away you go Pommpey...

Oh Christ yes. She was damned hot back in the day. Rah-Rah Skirts, green eyes, a lovely demeanour and shapely thighs and booted off the show because the dried up minge of Sister Biddy Baxter convulsed in righteous, holy indignation when she found out Janet had had a child out of the sanctimony of wedlock.

I saw JE at a Pet Shop Boys gig at the Brighton Centre a few years ago where her delicious daughter was the support act. Definitely a yes from me, Simon.

And anyone who hates Sophie simply hates life, in my opinion. She is 'leave your wife and suffer any consequences' material.

pommpey

 

[tincan]

I know someone who once told Terry Curran he could park all day in a 20minute parking spot at midland station. He was on his way to a disciplinary in Birmingham. It was during his Wednesday days, and so the someone was inaccurate with the truth.

 

[ZLB]

I once met Jon-Paul McGovern at a BP garage. I stupidly asked what he was doing.

He said 'just getting petrol'.

Saw John Egan in Nando’s Eccy Road. Er. That’s it.

 

[Champagneblade]

In the late 1980s I once stood in a queue for a cash machine on Oxford Road behind Blue Peter's Janet Ellis.

Away you go Pommpey...

 

[Lightsoot]

My Dad retired and moved to Cloughton, a small town between Whitby in Scarborough. He used to walk his dog on the beach early mornings and have his breakfast in a cafe adjacent to Scarborough harbour.

There he met Kevin McCabe and some other down to earth blokes who became a new friendship base for him.

I met my Dad at the Copthorne one Friday night, as we often did before home games, and McCabe came over. He told us to rock up at 9am the following morning and he gave us a tour of the ground, which included walking in the dressing rooms and sitting in the manager’s dugout where he took a photo of me and my Dad together.

That same morning he invited us up to Shirecliffe and took us behind the scenes there. I didn’t see any first team players but saw some of the younger lads take part in a training session. We had a cracking day until the match itself. We drew and Chris O’Grady scored.

My Dad formed a good friendship with McCabe, they didn’t see each other outside of the cafe and the Copthorne, but exchanged numbers. As my Dad’s mobility deteriorated McCabe reserved him a parking space at Bramall Lane on match days.

My Dad died in July and Kevin came to his funeral and the do afterwards at Scarborough rugby club. I appreciate he divides opinion on here but he was a brilliant, genuine bloke to my Dad and good company.

 

[Classof85]

Once saw Chris Waddle in the Old Tesco in chesterfield, He had a basket full of pies so naturally called him a fat piggy bastard and proceeded with my shopping

See Stephen Quinn quite alot around Division st usually with one of his kids im guessing in Cafe Nero

 

[ForgeBlade]

Once saw Chris Waddle in the Old Tesco in chesterfield, He had a basket full of pies so naturally called him a fat piggy bastard and proceeded with my shopping

See Stephen Quinn quite alot around Division st usually with one of his kids im guessing in Cafe Nero

Waddle is a class A wanker. I've said before on here that I once had the misfortune to serve him in ASDA. He clocked me taking a sneaky glance at his credit card to see if it actually was him. He then gave a huge, exaggerated sigh, looked at me and said "Yes. I'm Chris Waddle. You can have a photo with me if you want."

"No thanks mate, I'm a Blade."

He did not look impressed. Twat.

 

[TCsLoveChild]

Did that actually happen ,because when I bought mine from Guy salmons the salesman told me the same story which had apparently happened the day before. Antonio was at Forest then.

100% true story. Although I think Antonio had just moved to Wet Sham. Could be wrong tho as I’m getting old It is clearly a small world. UTB