What to do with them un-sat in seats

[Cerberus Blade]

I was saying on another thread that it annoys me that we have rows of seats that no-one is allowed to sit in "for safety reasons" at some matches.

FFS - if the seats aren't safe enough to sit in, then rip the buggers out and let's have some more toilets or summat handy in their place instead?

Another option would be to create a special seating area for fatties? I don't know about you, but a few times this season I've had some reight bloaters sat next to me. There's nothing worse when some bloke, or woman, with an arse that's easily the width of two seats, tries to sit in one. I was sat on the end aisle seat at one match and this big fat bird came and sat next to me. I spent almost all the match with one arse cheek hanging off my seat in the aisle. Not good.

I think the club should reduce the number of seats in those cordoned off areas by making one seat out of two, and opening it up to chubbies. It would be safe enough then because chubbies don't usually get into a feight with anybody for fear of having a heart attack. And they're not going to stand up in a seated area for long because their legs can't take their weight. They'd act like a safety barrier as well between rows of opposing fans - it would make sense.

We could also have little conveyor belts installed - a bit like you get in Sushi restaurants - only with a selection of hot pies continually going round, so the chubbies could keep topped up with calories during the game.

I think this is such a good idea that I may patent it. But thought I'd test it out on here first.

 

[fintious maximus]

I see that PC course went well then

 

[Tapton Blade]

What about a section of the ground with some seats being reserved for the constant moaners. Don't think the sectioned off areas would be big enough for them all. Another for all those going for an early pint and a piss at half time. They can all get up and go together. Another for the ones who never watch the game but play on their phones throughout. Maybe its not a good idea after all.

 

[Dellas Cowboys]

What about a section of the ground with some seats being reserved for the constant moaners. Don't think the sectioned off areas would be big enough for them all. Another for all those going for an early pint and a piss at half time. They can all get up and go together. Another for the ones who never watch the game but play on their phones throughout. Maybe its not a good idea after all.

No it's great, where can we put the Gerritt forward and the shooooot crews?

 

[IdLiketoRogerMoore]

Can we have a section (maybe next to the Away fans) for the Stone Island brigade so they can practice their seeing how wide they can stretch their arms routine?

 

[BornOnShorehamStreet]

Can we have a section (maybe next to the Away fans) for the Stone Island brigade so they can practice their seeing how wide they can stretch their arms routine?

There would have to be a safe standing area so they could street dance at the same time

 

[COME BACK CHED]

We could stick the excess stewards in there , far too many draining the clubs resources , but never there when they are really needed , ie , yobbos on the pitch .

 

[Broomhall Blade]

I think they aught to take a leaf out of our council's book and put naff pieces of Art in those empty seats, like the council did with the empty shops.

 

[Russ]

Great idea by the OP. Do you contribute to Viz too?!

I think that to verify they aren’t just pulling a fast one to get an amazing seat view, they need to send an up to date photo of their big arse to the ticket office with their application.

Alternatively they should moon in person at the ticket office.

Another bonus - think of all those calories they will burn off walking up and down all those steps on Bramall Lane upper.

Another challenge - if they manage to catch the ball in their large midrift after a wayward shot by Lee Evans they get a free ticket for a big Arse nal match.

 

[ChipButtyBlade]

Just put some dummies in the seats,have you ever seen a fat manikin.

 

[FriethBlade]

Post of the year...made me laugh out loud

 

[BigBed]

Or, they could remove them completely and let us stand again, bring the spirit back to the stands!??

 

[The Crab]

I think they aught to take a leaf out of our council's book and put naff pieces of Art in those empty seats, like the council did with the empty shops.

Plenty of "artists" in the ground after a pre-game session

 

[Ginger Gnome]

Replacing the first three rows of the upper tier with toilets would probably spoil the view, and create a different kind of atmosphere to Ricky's plan for up there.

Pukka Pie corner should be a pie shop in the unused bits.

As a serious point if they're going to do stupid things like forcing the entire upper tier out through the corner stand, having a proper walkway across the front would help instead of having to go to the bottom of the steps, squeeze around the bottom of the rail, go back up onto row B, walk along the narrow row to the next gangway, go down and around the end again to get out, then join the existing awkward crushes to get out of the corner.

 

[finlaytheblade]

Not a problem with the seats ,it's the local licensing commitee who call the shots.
Will we ever live down the tragedy of Hillsborough
United and the pigs should get together an challenge the reasons for the empty seats
No other clubs are subjected to the ridiculous shortfall in there capacities.
We like to call ourselves the city of sport,the authorities don't help do they.

 

[Ricky]

We should just stick all the extremes in the BLUT.

The top 200 singers.
The top 200 fatties.
The top 200 geritforuds.
The top 200 moaning bastards.
The top 200 nose blowers.
The top 200 coughers.
The top 200 farters.


There'll certainly be an 'atmosphere' then. It'll be like a funny farm...

 

[Ricky]

Will we ever live down the tragedy of Hillsborough

No. We must dwell on it and let it dictate our decisions for at least another 100 years. Because 30 years isn't enough, football hasn't moved on and everything that caused that disaster is still applicable today....

 

[finlaytheblade]

I've been in some real crushes over the years,the john st terracing used to sway when we had crowds over 30 k no one ever got killed or badly injured.Millmoor lane (r other ham was terrible for away fans.
Not saying we should go back to those days .!.
HillsboHillsborough was a one off but local authorities won't put it to bed.
With Liverpool being the loses one would think they would be very careful with the crowds they get ! ,you don't see seats cordoned off there (anfield )

 

[Northyorksblade]

Oh and you can put all the bloody kids up there too, I'm sick of them in the family stand.

 

[spongebobblade]

What about a section of the ground with some seats being reserved for the constant moaners

Excellent idea. We could house them in the Shoreham Street car park as far away from the pitch as possible and uncovered. That’ll give them sumat different to moan about

 

[benn5712]

Pukka Pie corner should be a pie shop in the unused bits.

I was going to say the PP corner should be reserved for vegetarians.

 

[LoughboroBlade]

I was going to say the PP corner should be reserved for vegetarians.

I think the “PP corner” would be ideal for additional toilet facilities...

 

[blademark]

You'd never catch me sleeping in un-satin sheets.

 

[snootyfenooty]

Excellent idea. We could house them in the Shoreham Street car park as far away from the pitch as possible and uncovered. That’ll give them sumat different to moan about

Only problem with that is the ground would be nearly empty and the car park wouldn't be able to cope.

 

[georgebernardshaw]

1500 seats for the farters is about right, last time I was in the BLUT, it sounded like the 1812 Overture, with a very strong bass section.

 

[georgebernardshaw]

We should just stick all the extremes in the BLUT.

The top 200 singers.
The top 200 fatties.
The top 200 geritforuds.
The top 200 moaning bastards.
The top 200 nose blowers.
The top 200 coughers.
The top 200 farters.


There'll certainly be an 'atmosphere' then. It'll be like a funny farm...

www.burpandfartpiano.com

This is just what you need for the BLUT - plays tunes in burps or farts - can’t see GCB on the list yet, but I’m sure they’ll put it on when they get wind of it.....

 

[Bladesman]

Do they still close off the seats at the front of H block on the South Stand?

 

[snootyfenooty]

Do they still close off the seats at the front of H block on the South Stand?

An excellent example of SYP's fuckwittery on empty seats. These aren't available for sale due to hooligan fears. They are often given as complimentaries to boys and girls groups/youth teams/charity groups instead. Right in front of some of the most supposedly notorious fans in the country. Work that one out.

 

[Moan? Nope-I saw Longhorn]

What about a section of the ground with some seats being reserved for the constant moaners. .

Already sorted - its called "the South Stand"