Suggest A Shit Show feat. Ex-Blades

[Grappler]

Channel 5 - 9PM

Benny's Fit Britton
New reality show. Former Blade Leon Britton needs a new kitchen AND a new bathroom fitting, but is sadly lacking in the necessary DIY skills for either, luckily Ben's Whiteman and Heneghan come to the rescue, can they get the job done on time and within budget, and leave the place neat and tidy?, of course they can, they both are time served apprentices from the Nick "Monty" Montgomery school of DIY craftsmanship and applied services.

 

[UnitedBlade]

The Two Oneies. Relive the joy of wins at Sunderland and Leeds plus home to Reading. The lads up to their usual goal scoring capers featuring The Don, Sharpy, Brooksy and Couttsy.

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

Jam and Jerusalem

A unique tour of the Holy City, with never before seen views of the high spots. Join the lofty Jamal Blackman sauntering around the walls, with religious insight from the multi talented Nick 'Monty' Montgomery.

 

[mypin1889]

Bromby and Sun

The experimental Dickens season continues, and after Nigel Adkins' ground-breaking segue of Great Expectations into Hard Times, this week it's the turn of Neil Warnock in the director's chair.

Bromby and Sun tells the story of gentleman Leigh Bromby and his hard-nut associate Sun Jihai, as they attempt to establish an import/export shipping company between China and the UK. Set in Sheffield and Beijing, yet filmed entirely in Cornwall for reasons of convenience, the film was dismissed by industry insider Sean Bean as "utter wank". Warnock himself has defended the film, claiming "On that kind of budget, Scorcese himself couldn't have done any better."

Warning: contains scenes of unspeakable animal cruelty.

 

[The Crab]

Hayles from the Darkside - ex Blade Barry Hayles speaks of his two months in a rented flat in Hillsborough whilst he played for us.

 

[The Crab]

Vogt is your Name? - ex Blade Wilko de Vogt walks around Meadowhall in the vain hope that someone recognises him. Things get worse whe someone mistakes him for Chris Woods.

 

[1danewhitehouse]

'arry and the Hendersons.


Fly on the wall documentary as Dave 'arry Bassett spends a week living with Darius and his family.

 

[Grappler]

ITV - Saturday 6.15PM

All Star Family 4-2's

Celebrity version of this much loved game show, this weeks contestants, from SUFC, John Fleck, Leon Clarke, David Brooks and Mark Duffy, who will face off against Keiren Westwood, Joost Van Aken, Jack Hunt and team captain, Jordan "Shot Shy" Rhodes. Your celebrity host this week, the midfield maestro, star of stage and screen, Hollywood legend, yes, it's Mr. TV himself, Nick "Monty" Montgomery.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Are you being served?

A day spent in the Wendy Superstore and ticket office.

"How fucking much is this shirt?"

"I've brought this back, the arms have fell off"

"Can I buy a Rimmington the Owl doll"

"£49? I get a meal with that right?"

"The last time I came, TommyCraig were playing, is he fit today"

"My grandad says we'll smash them at the Lane but he smells of wee"

"Are you still doing those chlamydia tests only me mothers dosed me up again?"

"A plastic plaque on my seat for £1500? I'm in"

"You, you not buy anything, you fuck off, you fuck off now"

 

[Grappler]

Are you being served?

A day spent in the Wendy Superstore and ticket office.

"How fucking much is this shirt?"

"I've brought this back, the arms have fell off"

"Can I buy a Rimmington the Owl doll"

"£49? I get a meal with that right?"

"The last time I came, TommyCraig were playing, is he fit today"

"My grandad says we'll smash them at the Lane but he smells of wee"

"Are you still doing those chlamydia tests only me mothers dosed me up again?"

"A plastic plaque on my seat for £1500? I'm in"

"You, you not buy anything, you fuck off, you fuck off now"

"Can I buy a Rimmington the Owl doll"

 

[Jan Age]

Coutty Pie

Paul Coutts critiques a selection of pies from the length and breadth of Great Britain.

 

[Dnblade]

Brooks Cooks
David demonstrates his cooking skills...tonight he cooks a series of dishes using his favourite spice Nutmeg...special guest Jack Hunt.

 

[bromtom]

The Really Wilder Show, CBBC 4pm

Chris Wilder and Michaela Strachan are at the Yorkshire Wildlife Park after plans to visit the Serengeti were cancelled by Chris Wilder for being too far from draught Peroni. Michaela tries to convince Chris that "that Scottish twat Gordon" isn't her Dad.

Chris Basham tells a gibbon to fuck off after he is mistakenly booked instead of Chris Packham.

 

[Dnblade]

Bottom
Futher adventures of 2 losers who share a flat in Pitsmoor.
Landlord Mr Chancer has put the rent up again..Mark and Tango struggle to pay...Tango tries selling a dodgy brand health drink he made himself called Urin8..Mark robs a bank in Darnall disguised as a City fan using mate Mick's taxi to getaway,which is disguised as D Taxis ..SYP drop Mark from their suspect list,as he isn't a City fan,and the D Taxi firm doesn't exist...SYP then arrest a Utd fan as a prime suspect,even though at the time of the robbery he was 40 miles away watching his team beat in Leeds.

 

[ShockingBadBuy]

Great to see the return of this thread

 

[BrayfordsBushyBeard]

Roger Nillson . Some non descript digital channel after 10 pm.
Uniteds former full back demonstrates people’s favourite sexual positions on Sly Stallones ex wife !
As ever UTB !

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

'Famous European Landmarks' starts with an in-depth look at Pisa's famous tower with Andy Leaning.

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

Jolly japes and fascinating insights in this one off fly-on-the-wall docudrama as we watch Peter Ndlovu spending the day at Peter Withe's house in
'Peter with Peter Withe'
Guest appearance by Nick 'Monty' Montgomery as Nick 'Don't call me Peter' Montgomery.

 

[Rodley]

Clayton’s Clay Tonne

United’s veteran striker Clayton Donaldson continues his quest for Tate recognition with his latest collection of sculptures dedicated to the precocious former Blades youngster Eirik Tonne.

 

[Rodley]

Fettish

Former Blades loanee Alan Fettis documents the seedy world of sexual deviancy

 

[Alfreton14Blade]

The Billy Whitehurst Experience.

Caroline Aherne (bulked up, wearing an unfeasibly tight football kit, serious attitude on her) sarkily takes the piss out of soft footballers.

 

[Rodley]

The French Connection - Ou est le Zone?

Derek French reprises the role of Popeye Doyle in this modern reboot of the iconic 70s detective drama. When his colleague Wilf disappears into the mysterious “zone” in Leicester, his only answer is to drop a tab of LSD and see where his trip takes him.

 

[Sheff de party]

The McEveley Brothers

Former Blades defender Jay McEveley teams up with his sibling to launch a new career as a tribute band.

 

[espoo blade]

Go with Flo

Big Jostein single-handedly challenges a bunch of pub league journeymen to a game of the ancient Chinese board game 'Go', taunting them with his bandaged hand. How long before the opposition crumble...?

 

[Robby Blade]

Jamal Fix It. Chelsea goalkeeper on loan to Sheffield United fixes it for junior blades to meet their heroes.

Stop Press.. Show axed after Chloe Whitehurst tells Uncle Bill she didn't get Jamal Fix It medal.

 

[HighfieldBlade]

JCR on VCR

Join Blades' favourite Jamal Campbell-Rice as he charts the history of the humble video cassette recorder, from the early days of the top-loader to the ensuing courtroom battle between JVC's VHS format and Sony Betamax.

 

[Blade for Sale]

McEverley Hills Cop I, II & III

Jay McEverley reprises his role as Hacks 'n' Fouley as he brings his unorthodox methods of tackling, handballing and general ineptitude to far more occasions than should ever have been allowed.

 

[Dnblade]

Celebrity get me out of here with Ant and Fleck.

John Fleck stands in for Dec of Ant and Dec in the Jungle,while Dec is still recovering from his Forehead reduction operation.
Asked if he has any funny material,he said he hadn't,but he would be ok because neither have Ant and Dec..the biggest problem was he wasn't sure he could act as big of a twat.

 

[Tyler Durden]

Smack My Mitch Up.

Mr Ward cops for his wife's wrath when he forgets their anniversary.

 

[The Crab]

Masterchief - Cooking show presented by former Blade Wayne Allison. This week's episode has Jose Baxter's Sherbert Suprise, Lee Baxter's Pineapple it's Upside Down because I've fucking dropped it Cake, Nigel Adkins take on Fois Gras and promising young chef David Brooks showcases his Rinsed Pig.