Suggest A Shit Show feat. Ex-Blades

[1danewhitehouse]

Braywatch.

John Brayford takes up the role of chief lifeguard in the latest incarnation of the classic.

 

[The Crab]

Henderson's Relish,

Darius as fallen on hard times, so this Snooping Monty production follows Darius into the World of Armature Porn, Nick "Casting Couch" Montgomery directs the mini episodes as Darius travels the country finding Local bored house wife's, coming to television X this winter.

Armature Porn? Wow, she really must go like an electric motor

 

[diode_blade]

Higgoputimaximus and hamshamond in dancing on ice.......

Oh wait....
there aint an ice rink strong enough...

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

Holmes under the hammer.

Angry Blades fans torture Ricky for turning United down two summers ago.

 

[Blade for Sale]

Swapshop
What could possibly go fucking wrong as Sheffield United and Birmingham City allow loanees Roger Hansbury and Peter Withe to line up against their parent clubs.

 

[The Crab]

Holmes under the hammer.

Angry Blades fans torture Ricky for turning United down two summers ago.

Big Vern says he's available.

 

[I should coco]

Starbuck Trek

Phil Starbuck plays out of his skin in the pilot episode, where he walks a long way to try and find god.

Sadly after the great critical reaction to the pilot, the show that is commisioned proves to be a real flop. We never find out about the god bit.

 

[The Crab]

The Hatton Garden Heist - former Blade Bob Hatton goes around stealing random items from peoples gardens. This week he gets am emtpy waterbutt. 2 garden gnomes and a bird feeder

 

[I should coco]

The Hatton Garden Heist - former Blade Bob Hatton goes around stealing random items from peoples gardens. This week he gets am emtpy waterbutt. 2 garden gnomes and a bird feeder

Bargain Hunt

Unloved ex-Blade Jonathan Hunt uses some of his old contacts to try to buy waterbutts, garden gnomes and bird feeders for resale.
Starring Nick 'Monty' Montgomery as Big Vern.

 

[elgoog44]

coming to cinemas soon, this Hollywood blockbuster Staring Nick "Do you know who I am" Montgomery (back now as the roles are flooding in) It follows a lucky physio who gets plucked to be a football manager, thanks to the work of others, the first years go great winning against the odds, but the luck runs out he finds him self at Reading FC and starts to think he can do it but Clueless substitutions and inept management means he is soon found out on his ear, however Property Tycoon and football club owner comes to the rescue and just as his meal ticket starts to turn sour he asks an old friend to lace up his boots once more and give some more unseen work to the cause, unfortunately this also ends bad... but when all is lost the clueless FA find him a role, after being charmed by his geese offensive and cuntish Banter they take him on as part of the FA’s retrospective diving panel where he can eradicate the cheating from the game, and because the FA is full of nobbery and twatishness he lives somewhat happily ever after... but is still a nob talking Twat.

 

[BerksBlade]

"Blackman, Whiteman, Blackman"

Nick, Ben & Jamal take yet another fresh look at racism in football.

 

[Pierre's PC]

Well someone had to...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Montgomery

 

[TJB.]

Must say, I'm quite humbled that this thread is still going strong. Some of these contributions have brought smiles aplenty for me on particularly dim days. I didn't know if it'd catch on when I started it but you've all done a grand fucking job.

Cheers for your ideas. Long may it continue!

 

[espoo blade]

Che Sells Che's Shells On The See-Saw

Rummaging around in his attic, a young Che Adams stumbles upon a box of ammunition supposedly owned by a famous Marxist Revolutionary and has the idea of cashing in big-time...by selling the shells on the seashore. After failing to find any beaches in landlocked Ilkeston, Sheffield and Birmingham, dim-witted Che decides to pedal his wares to a local gang in an inner-city playground. Guest starring Nick Montgomery as 'Monty', the kid on the slide.

 

[espoo blade]

Must say, I'm quite humbled that this thread is still going strong. Some of these contributions have brought smiles aplenty for me on particularly dim days. I didn't know if it'd catch on when I started it but you've all done a grand fucking job.

Cheers for your ideas. Long may it continue!

Only got through about a third of the pages so far but many, many smiles including some real laugh out loud moments. need to remember not to read with coffee in mouth...

 

[Blade for Sale]

The Tebilytubbies

Oliver Tebily finds Jose Baxter’s special powder and hallucinates his way into a fantasy land where Dean Hammond, Jordan Stewart, Paul Williams and Nyron Nosworthy have finally found their niches in life as colourful, uncoordinated aborted foetuses. Ashley Ward’s orange face plays the giggling sun.

 

[The Crab]

Must say, I'm quite humbled that this thread is still going strong. Some of these contributions have brought smiles aplenty for me on particularly dim days. I didn't know if it'd catch on when I started it but you've all done a grand fucking job.

Cheers for your ideas. Long may it continue!

This, and the Twats thread, have become classics.

 

[UnitedBlade]

Panagana.

Tony Agana looks at today’s issues around the world, how to stop war, end disease and prevent famine.

Tonight’s episode examines mental health, how can Pig fans “literally” not think of replacing any of their squad with players in a team flying high in second place. An examination of narcissism and delusion.

 

[The Crab]

The Tebilytubbies

Oliver Tebily finds Jose Baxter’s special powder and hallucinates his way into a fantasy land where Dean Hammond, Jordan Stewart, Paul Williams and Nyron Nosworthy have finally found their niches in life as colourful, uncoordinated aborted foetuses. Ashley Ward’s orange face plays the giggling sun.

In the Kite Garden - ex Blade Phil Kite gives us a tour around his garden. Amongst the highlights are cutting the grass, trimming the roses, and the pivotal "there's a funny smell coming from the Shed" moment.

 

[Rodley]

Dom Calvert In Loo

Documentary which sees Cliff Calvert reminisce about his double life as a “submissive” based out of the old toilets under Sheffield City Hall.

 

[Rodley]

Che Sells Che's Shells On The See-Saw

Rummaging around in his attic, a young Che Adams stumbles upon a box of ammunition supposedly owned by a famous Marxist Revolutionary and has the idea of cashing in big-time...by selling the shells on the seashore. After failing to find any beaches in landlocked Ilkeston, Sheffield and Birmingham, dim-witted Che decides to pedal his wares to a local gang in an inner-city playground. Guest starring Nick Montgomery as 'Monty', the kid on the slide.

That’s brilliant.

 

[Sean Thornton]

The Prince and the Pauper

A Saudi Prince goes into business with a man who has apparently taken millions from the company but has now "got nowt".


Kevin Potter and the Half Share Prince

 

[Rodley]

No one likes a sweaty Winckel - documentary following Jan’s unsuccessful attempt to fuse speed dating with racketball

 

[The Crab]

The Prince and the Pauper

A Saudi Prince goes into business with a man who has apparently taken millions from the company but has now "got nowt".


Kevin Potter and the Half Share Prince

With Turry Robinson as Baldymort.

 

[Finn Keane o' Balmaqueen]

Mark Todd - The Demon Barber Of Cherry Street.

See how Todd polishes him off after a night on the El Dempso's dancefloor with arch nemesis, Montagu Nictogomery.

 

[Alfreton14Blade]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Reytfuckincuntofthehighestorders

Sadly, due to the late unavailability of leading man Jonny Ertl, we've had to draft in a reserve. Terry Curran will now star. This has necessitated a change to the programme's title.

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

Must say, I'm quite humbled that this thread is still going strong. Some of these contributions have brought smiles aplenty for me on particularly dim days. I didn't know if it'd catch on when I started it but you've all done a grand fucking job.

Cheers for your ideas. Long may it continue!

I can see George Long in there mate but struggling to find the film/tv show link

 

[Grappler]

BBC 2 - Wednesday 9pm

Claudia - Winckel "Man"

In-depth documentary looking at the evolution of mankind, hosted by intellectual heavyweights Claudia Winkelman and Jan Van Winckel. (Please Note: All historical studies, presented in this documentary, have been verified as historically and factually correct by Professor Nick "Monty" Montgomery)

 

[Bladepicker]

The Blackman and White Minstrel Show

Jamal and ex Blade David White discuss their favourite sugar coated chocolate sweets.

Should the format prove attractive, series 2 will cover their reviews of solo chanteurs, troubadors and and other artistes.

The Black and Whiteman Minstrel Show.

Basically a total rip off of your succesful show but commissioned by Sky 1. Where Kingsley Black and Ben Whiteman take a blind taste test to see if they can tell the difference between Galaxy Minstrels and the knock off version that Aldi do .

 

[Grappler]

BBC 2 - Christmas Eve 5pm

"I'm Dreaming of a 'White' Christmas"

Join Ben Whiteman and Dane Whitehouse as they scour the streets of Sheffield, with a live film crew, asking people what they are dreaming of, for Christmas, and looking for the gaudiest Christmas lights outside peoples houses. Joining the lads this week for a glass of mulled wine, is Christmas tree light aficionado, and all round good guy, the midfield maestro, the legend of stage and screen, the nation's favourite, Mr. TV himself, the one and only Nick "Monty" Montgomery.