Young players after trials - but cvs sent to our site address

[Linz]

Just checking my site email address for the first time in two years (oops!) but we tend to get a lot of these sorts of emails so thought I'd collect them in here for your perusal.

Here's a taster to kick you off...

Subject: futball Slovakia

Message Body:
Hello, I asked you for advice or to whom shall we go my son play football for Spisska Nova Ves has 14 years weighing 74 kg, height 183 cm and I am quite strongly developed legs the other hand, is the most better shooter in his club. I would put it in Sheffield football in college and while there to play football for Sheffield because I am writing to whom shall we go I thank you and send video when he was 13 years less than a football game is 2.5 years. Loves football is his life. Slovakia contact XXXXXXXXXXX

 

[Linz]

What about this one for a 'keeper?

Might not take drugs, but doesn't really know who he's emailing...

personal profile
I am a very hard working person i work hard to achieve what i want to
achieve.I am very good at communicating and very polite.I listen to people
and take it in and work on what needs to be improved.If somebody has an
opinon on me then i am very welcome to what they have to say and i will put
it right.I have also achieved alot of football awards such as most
improved,most clean sheets in the league as well but i would like to add
more bigger things to that list as well.I have also never took drugs or
smoked.

education:
I am currently a student at XXXXXX high school in bury and going to go on to
XXXXXX college and do btec pe if i dont find something to do with football.My
options i have took at school are engineering , pe + ict i work hard at all
my subjects and try and get the best out of everything i can.But after
school i am going to be going to XXXXXXX college and doing btec pe level 2 and
staying in college for 3 years.I never miss school unless it is a main
reason eg a funeral or something bad.I should get about 12 gcse from school
if i pass everything like i think i will because i work hard in school and
keep my head down and dont mess about and get on with my work.

previous football experiences
I have been playing football since I was the age of 5, I tried different
positions such as striker and center back until i found my best position,
which was in goal. Since then i have played for 3 clubs as the number one
goalkeeper on both saturday and sunday. I am currently playing for XXXXXXX
JFC on saturdays in the premier of the XXXXXXXX junior football league.
Also, on Sundays i play for XXXXXXX FC in the Tameside League. I
have also captained my school football team for 2 years playing against
other schools in Bury and the Manchester cup.

Hobbies
I enjoy going out with my friends and having a little kick about with them,
i also like tennis and golf.I am very outgoing person and like to socialize
with my friends.I also enjoy to chill out most weekends with my family and
stay in and not go out with friends and mess about, instead i would rather
be focussing on improving as a footballer.

refrences
I feel i deserve this chance because i have worked hard for 11 years of my
life to be at the best level i can and if i could get the chance to train
with your young squad it would be an honour and i will not let you down and
will promise to try my best in every game or training seasson if you would
give me the chance to prove my self.
i hope we can sort something out and hope you give me a chance like i
deserve from my time i have put in to football in all my life.

 

[Highbury_Blade]

I'm a pretty dab hand in the net for my five a side team, despite what our -37 goal difference from 8 games might demonstrate. maybe they'll give me a trial?

 

[Linz]

I'm a pretty dab hand in the net for my five a side team, despite what our -37 goal difference from 8 games might demonstrate. maybe they'll give me a trial?

Write a barely legible email and pop it through to us... you just never know, your dreams might come true.

We will need to know if you "have also never took drugs or smoked" and your reference section must be X Factor sob-storyesqe.

 

[Highbury_Blade]

Write a barely legible email and pop it through to us... you just never know, your dreams might come true.

We will need to know if you "have also never took drugs or smoked" and your reference section must be X Factor sob-storyesqe.

Come on, he's taking PE as one of his options.* You can't expect him to write that legibly.


* I also tuk PE. it wuz well good cos their was no essays innit.

 

[Linz]

Come on, he's taking PE as one of his options. You can't expect him to write that legibly.

Bless their little cotton socks though.

They really do think that an email saying they'll try really really hard and turn up all the time (apart from when there's main reasons like funerals and bad stuff) is all it takes to achieve their dream and earn millions.

If anyone from the club is reading (and I know you do chaps) I have got email addresses and mobile numbers for both players. Far be it from me to deny you of the stars of tomorrow.

 

[Highbury_Blade]

Bless their little cotton socks though.

They really do think that an email saying they'll try really really hard and turn up all the time (apart from when there's main reasons like funerals and bad stuff) is all it takes to achieve their dream and earn millions.

If anyone from the club is reading (and I know you do chaps) I have got email addresses and mobile numbers for both players. Far be it from me to deny you of the stars of tomorrow.

I never miss work either. Apart from when my hangover is too bad, so i think since they employed McGrath, then i must be a shoe-in.

 

[metalblade]

personal profile
I am a very hard working person i work hard to achieve what i want to
achieve.I am very good at communicating and very polite.I listen to people
and take it in and work on what needs to be improved.If somebody has an
opinon on me then i am very welcome to what they have to say and i will put
it right.I have also achieved alot of football awards such as most
improved,most clean sheets in the league as well but i would like to add
more bigger things to that list as well.I have also never took drugs or
smoked.

education:
I am currently a student at XXXXXX high school in bury and going to go on to
XXXXXX college and do btec pe if i dont find something to do with football.My
options i have took at school are engineering , pe + ict i work hard at all
my subjects and try and get the best out of everything i can.But after
school i am going to be going to XXXXXXX college and doing btec pe level 2 and
staying in college for 3 years.I never miss school unless it is a main
reason eg a funeral or something bad.I should get about 12 gcse from school
if i pass everything like i think i will because i work hard in school and
keep my head down and dont mess about and get on with my work.

previous football experiences
I have been playing football since I was the age of 5, I tried different
positions such as striker and center back until i found my best position,
which was in goal. Since then i have played for 3 clubs as the number one
goalkeeper on both saturday and sunday. I am currently playing for XXXXXXX
JFC on saturdays in the premier of the XXXXXXXX junior football league.
Also, on Sundays i play for XXXXXXX FC in the Tameside League. I
have also captained my school football team for 2 years playing against
other schools in Bury and the Manchester cup.

Hobbies
I enjoy going out with my friends and having a little kick about with them,
i also like tennis and golf.I am very outgoing person and like to socialize
with my friends.I also enjoy to chill out most weekends with my family and
stay in and not go out with friends and mess about, instead i would rather
be focussing on improving as a footballer.

refrences
I feel i deserve this chance because i have worked hard for 11 years of my
life to be at the best level i can and if i could get the chance to train
with your young squad it would be an honour and i will not let you down and
will promise to try my best in every game or training seasson if you would
give me the chance to prove my self.
i hope we can sort something out and hope you give me a chance like i
deserve from my time i have put in to football in all my life.

Signed Danny Higginbotham

There fixed it for you

 

[broomhillblade]

Many years ago when I worked for the Ministry of Health in Kenya, I used to receive a lot of job applications.

Here's a couple of typical examples:

Re Application for a vacancy as a Training.
I humbly request wether you can offer me a vacancy. I wish to be trained as A Doctor. Early next year.

I shall be glad if you will kindly grant admission to me in your Medical Training School. I have been a very good runner the last 10 years as well as a footballer.

 

[dingledog]

Please Linz, stop your father in law embarrassing himself by sending you these desperate emails. He may well have been 'some player' but really, he needs to be stopped. I suggest sending him to Crete.

 

[Ted Danson]

I get quite a few applications like that although not football based in the slightest. I always laugh at the ones who put as their first line' I am very good communicator' then go onto write such a load of illegible drivel.

 

[Bladesway]

Yep far better to sit on a messageboard laughing at people.

 

[TarquinDelouche]

Would it be wrong to turn up to matches that involve some of these kids, looking all mysterious and taking notes every time they touched the ball?

 

[Bladesway]

Would it be wrong to turn up to matches that involve some of these kids, looking all mysterious and taking notes every time they touched the ball?

A bit Max clifford isn't it?

 

[Linz]

Yep far better to sit on a messageboard laughing at people.

Are you just upset that we didn't reply to your email?

 

[Bladesway]

Are you just upset that we didn't reply to your email?

More upset that GCSE's weren't invented when I left school to be fair. You either got an O Level or fuck all No one ever quoted a CSE 4 as a pass at Rowlinson

 

[silverfox]

Please Linz, stop your father in law embarrassing himself by sending you these desperate emails. He may well have been 'some player' but really, he needs to be stopped. I suggest sending him to Crete.

I really do miss you in close season.

 

[SwissBlade]

Linz the second one is definitely Paddy Kenny!

But with all these letters, it makes you wonder how Foxy struggles to put a side out each Sunday morning for forum footy.

 

[United Aren't Back.]

Bless their little cotton socks though.

They really do think that an email saying they'll try really really hard and turn up all the time (apart from when there's main reasons like funerals and bad stuff) is all it takes to achieve their dream and earn millions.

If anyone from the club is reading (and I know you do chaps) I have got email addresses and mobile numbers for both players. Far be it from me to deny you of the stars of tomorrow.

Some of the highly paid dross we pay the wages of, probably fail to "turn up on time" etc.
They definitely do not play football.