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bladesadviser said:
Fuck me if I drank that amount you would all be having a minutes silence or opening a book of condolences
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I was just idly calculating the calories and units of alcohol in three bottles of plonk, but then realised that soon after the first bottle I'd be barfing like schoolgirl in an exorcism. Some folk must have guts of iron. :)
 



I said to my doctor I haven't got a problem with drink, I like it.
 
True story ( honest )

Some years ago a mate was at the doctor's and was asked to describe his drinking habits in a typical week.

His reply was " Well, I have a couple of pints at lunch time, another couple on the way home, a bottle of wine with mi dinner and a couple of large whiskies before I go to bed"

The doctor said, " Good gracious, do you realise how much that is ?" To which the mate replied " About a hundred quid a week "
 
Sean Thornton said:
My doctor once asked me to be honest about drinking. I said I had no idea of the units, it wasn't everyday or binging at a weekend. He told me what the weekly safe limit was and asked if I exceeded it. I told him I exceeded that on a Saturday. He eventually got the sack.
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I gave a kidney to my daughter a couple of years ago. I filled out the health questionnaire for the consultant a couple of weeks beforehand and, because it was my daughter who was the beneficiary, I was brutally honest about my alcohol consumption. As the consultant flicked through the questionnaire he stopped at the pertinent question. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Is that going to be a problem?" I asked. "Yes, but not for your daughter"
"Well, that's ok then"
 
I was diagnosed with a kidney condition a few years back, so I thought I would do the right thing and switch to Erdinger driving beer 0.5 % (nice beer actually).

Went to see my consultant proudly announcing that I was only having 4 pints of virtually alcohol free beer only to see a look of dismay as he said it's the liquid volume we are trying to reduce not the alcohol - duh - fail..
 
I understand this, you've started the heavy drinking early, as to numb your kidneys, in anticipation of receiving a few punches to them on match day.

Am I right??...
 
Pinchy said:
Because it’s good for the soul. Everyone should do it at least once...
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To be fair Pinchy I did apologise for that little misunderstanding the other night when you visited The Happy Crab and tried our Chicken Suprise*

*the suprise being there was actually some Chicken in there.
 
Can I just reassure those who were concerned for my well being and sanity, that I am aware that my consumption is well over guidelines. I am however alive and well today. How long that situation may endure in the long term is perhaps debatable though.

Of more concern is the invitation by Vern's Supernatural Investment and Funeral Care Planning Fund Inc (Registered in Delaware and a division of Crab Industries Health and Social Care PFI BVI) to place £20,000.00 immediately at their disposal for a modest send off. This was a tad premature I felt. I also found his strange references to whether my car had ever had a problem with its brakes to be disconcerting.

On a serious note. Just remember kids, you never see an old alcoholic!
 
Snowman said:
A little light relief with a Prosecco and fresh orange juice. Followed by a 13.5% excellent Gewurtztraminer from the Alsace x 2 and then I suspect there will be a movement towards a small vintage port.and to finish the "wine flight" a Noilly Prat and lemonade. Then either a single bottle of Bailleys over ice or a bit of a mix of Bailleys and Glenrothe vintage reserve should do it. Far cry from a full bottle of JD and coke with ice in pint glasses in my prime.

PS. Up the Blades, GLTTL and
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What the f**k’s this all about ? Can’t even pronounce half that lot ne’er mind know what they are ! All my gob can say is “a pint of bitter”
 
Snowman said:
Can I just reassure those who were concerned for my well being and sanity, that I am aware that my consumption is well over guidelines. I am however alive and well today. How long that situation may endure in the long term is perhaps debatable though.

Of more concern is the invitation by Vern's Supernatural Investment and Funeral Care Planning Fund Inc (Registered in Delaware and a division of Crab Industries Health and Social Care PFI BVI) to place £20,000.00 immediately at their disposal for a modest send off. This was a tad premature I felt. I also found his strange references to whether my car had ever had a problem with its brakes to be disconcerting.

On a serious note. Just remember kids, you never see an old alcoholic!
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You sound like the ideal investor for our new internet currency "Shitcoin" ( formerly Magic Beans) .

Our fully approved and registered (SO) Mr Vern FCA , LLB , GBH, will be round shortly for your signature.
 
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