The Killing of Piggy Bounce: An Arrest is made...

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Cruyff Turn

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Police investigating the killing of popular South Barnsley nightclub owner Piggy Bounce have made an arrest. Piggy Bounce was felled by a single shot sometime before 3 pm yesterday afternoon (24th September 2017) in the Hillsborough area of Sheffield.

South Yorkshire Police have just issued the following statement: "Following the scrutiny of several key pieces of video evidence, we can confirm that a 31 year old man from Merseyside has been arrested and charged in connection with the killing of Piggy Bounce. The same man is also being interviewed in connection with the 'wanton bewilderment' of a Dutch visitor to the city, who remains in a dazed and confused state at Sheffield Northern General Hospital, where he repeatedly mumbles the same phrase of 'where'd he go, where'd he go?' We are also interviewing two other people in connection with the attack, whom we consider may accomplices of the arrested man. One is a 26 year old male from Glasgow and the other is a 32 year old traveller of no fixed abode who we believe is originally from the West Midlands. It is understood that this individual may have previously been employed by the Piggy Bounce organisation, so we think he may have been motivated by revenge."

Police seem to be keeping an old mind as to the wider motives for the "hit" on Piggy Bounce, which has all the hallmarks of a very professional job. It is believed that this may be a "turf war" between rival gangs looking to control valuable "Bragging Rights" in the city. There is suspicion that the masterminds behind the attack on Piggy Bounce are a small time south Sheffield "firm" known as the Chrisandknilly Gang, who up until now have confined their activities to controlling franchises for pub league football in places as far afield as Northampton and Oxfordshire. This may be an attempt by them to break on to an altogether more Massive stage.

Meanwhile, supporters and players of Sheffield United and Wolverhampton Wanderers football clubs will pay their own tribute to the late Piggy Bounce ahead of their match a Bramall Lane on Wednesday. The tribute will comprise 38 seconds of wildly jumping up and down, followed by a minute's silence...absolute silence. "Its what Piggy would have wanted" said a spokesman for the two clubs.

In what is believed to be a related investigation, police are also understood to be questioning a 51 year old Portuguese man about allegations of breaches of the Trades Descriptions Act concerning the contracts of a number of highly paid professional footballers.The alleged victim is believed to be a wealthy Asian businessman who prefers not to be named. A spokesman for the North Korean government issued a statement through its UK press agency, Owls Talk, which simply reads "Carlos Out!"

More on this story as it develops.
 




An APB has also been issued for the arrest on sight of one alias JON BON II who bears an uncanny resemblance to American Actor Jack Nicholson, on suspicion of the kidnapping of Adrian Newman (aka "HaHaHa TIN POT BLUNT") and his associates known only as "Gerimo" and "Nightmare on Shoreham Street". All three schoolboys disappeared from the Penistone Road area sometime between the hours of 15:30 and 17:30 on Sunday afternoon. It is thought the boys may be victims of a drug-fuelled feud following the discovery of hallucinatory substances found in Adrian's bedroom. Adrian's mother made a statement to local police saying that he had recently been in the habit of making outrageous claims regarding the quality of "product" he was able to purchase from dubious individuals employed at his favourite respite centre - the infamous Victoria Stadium - a Grade 3 listed building constructed in 1867. A comprehensive search of the dilapidated premises was carried out by the highly regarded South Yorkshire police, but they were unable to find anything of substance, or any clues to the boys' disappearance.
Investigations are on-going........
 
An APB has also been issued for the arrest on sight of one alias JON BON II who bears an uncanny resemblance to American Actor Jack Nicholson, on suspicion of the kidnapping of Adrian Newman (aka "HaHaHa TIN POT BLUNT") and his associates known only as "Gerimo" and "Nightmare on Shoreham Street". All three schoolboys disappeared from the Penistone Road area sometime between the hours of 15:30 and 17:30 on Sunday afternoon. It is thought the boys may be victims of a drug-fuelled feud following the discovery of hallucinatory substances found in Adrian's bedroom. Adrian's mother made a statement to local police saying that he had recently been in the habit of making outrageous claims regarding the quality of "product" he was able to purchase from dubious individuals employed at his favourite respite centre - the infamous Victoria Stadium - a Grade 3 listed building constructed in 1867. A comprehensive search of the dilapidated premises was carried out by the highly regarded South Yorkshire police, but they were unable to find anything of substance, or any clues to the boys' disappearance.
Investigations are on-going........
???????????? o_O
 

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