Sean the Blade
Member
A well manicured hand reached for the ringing telephone “Scully”
“Hi Scully, it’s Mulder, hope your travel bag’s packed, we’re off to Sheffield, England, meet me at the airport as soon as, we’re flying to Robin (pronounced RABBIN) Hood Airport, I’ll give you the details on the way.”
As the seat-belt light flicked off Mulder produced a number of files “For a number of years, soccer (pronounced SACCER) players have been mysteriously disappearing from this club… erm… Sheffield United”
“It all started with this guy, Tony Currie, who disappeared from the club in 1976, then mysteriously re-appeared in 1988. Here’s another one, Keith Edwards. His story is a little stranger, he first disappeared from the club in 1978, then re-appeared in 1981 only to disappear again in 1986”
“Where is he now?”
“Well, the guy disappears into thin air for a second time, then pops up on local radio a few years later, having had his hips replaced and having developed serious arrogance issues! These are text book abduction stories”
“Mulder, this is just two guys…”
“No, no Scully, I have testimony from fans who have followed the club for years and years, who can give name upon name of players who have vanished from the club for no apparent reason, look, Tony Philliskirk, Tony Agana, Brian Deane; another guy who re-appeared only to disappear again; Alan Kelly, Wayne Quinn, Lee Morris, Jan Age Fjortoft. Some have disappeared, never to be heard of again, this Portuguese guy, Marcello, another, Curtis Woodhouse.”
“Well, I have to say it does start to look a bit suspicious, but these cases are really quite old”
“You’re right Scully, the disappearances stopped for a while… But they have started again, with worrying frequency, look, Michael Tonge, Phil Jagielka, James Beattie, Danny Webber, Kyle Naughton, Kyle Walker; yet another to re-appear and then disappear for no apparent reason, David Carney, Leigh Bromby, Brian Howard, David Cotterill, and most recently Matthew Kilgallon. The vast majority of these, and the previous players mentioned were happy at the club, were well liked by the fans, and had no reason to leave”
“So what’s your theory Mulder?”
“There can be only one explanation Scully”
“Alien abduction?”
“Asset stripping Scully, I’ve got an appointment with this man, Kevin ‘C Montgomery’ McCabe (http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs28/f/2008/148/5/7/Mr__Burns_real_by_mataleoneRJ.jpg). He made his money in property and construction, how much do you trust your builder Scully? Whilst I’m talking to him I want you to check out the locals, see what they think”.
The private hire mini-cab lurched in to the club car park, and the driver turned to Mulder “That will be £211 please… not including tip!”
“For that money I want some information, what do you know of Kevin McCabe?”
“For that money I can tell you… to ask Sheffield cabbie, I from Doncaster, Mr McCabe very good man, he lending Rovers Billy Sharp, score many goals”
Mulder paid the cabbie and the car shot off in a cloud of oily smoke. He directed Scully to the Moor to canvass the people there, and pointed out the Radio Sheffield building, telling her to speak to the Football Heaven team.
The plush carpet softened Mulder’s footsteps as he entered McCabe’s office, the rear of the swivel chair faced Mulder, surrounded by a cloud of smoke, an open pack of Morleys and a Zippo lighter sat on the bare desk. The chair turned “Ahh, Mr Mulder…”
“Cancer Man!!! I should have known you’d be behind this”
“Behind what Fox?”
“Asset stripping this club, selling the brightest and best players to refill your coffers following the credit crunch, you soul-less tyrant!”
“No Fox, all those players were abducted by aliens, all I have ever done is try to bring quality to the club”
“Never! You’ve sold out, you’ve put a financial value on everything this club and its fans hold dear!”
“Yes, I have sold out, but not in the way you think. I allowed them; the aliens; to insert their own man, on the assurance that they would only take players surplus to our requirements, but THEY went back on the deal, and now they’re taking our brightest and best”
“Blackwell?”
“Yes, Blackwell. Do you really think any human could be so inept when it comes to football? Hell, even we Americans know how to play the game these days”
“Blackwell’s no alien!”
“Really, have you heard him speak on the radio, seen him interviewed on TV. The ‘man’ knows nothing of the beautiful game, why do you think he was a goalkeeper?”
“You’ll never get away with this McCabe!”
“I already have Fox”
Mulder studied the grey, angry, rain filled sky as he stood outside the South Stand, he’d looked around the Blades Superstore, where he was disappointed to see that the glue used to attach lettering for player names, on the back of replica shirts, was the same as used on post-it notes. A police car pulled alongside him, and a constable addressed him “Special Agent Fox Mulder?”
“Yes, how can I help?”
“As tha got a partner called Dana Scully?”
“Yes” a worried tone in his voice.
“Well tha best come wi us, ter West Baa nick, she’s under arrest fer soliciting”
“Wha’ how?”
“Well she were down Campo Lane, stopping all’t cars, askin all’t fellas if she cud pump em fer info”
Mulder closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, this club wasn’t an X-file, THE WHOLE DAMNED CITY WAS!!
“Hi Scully, it’s Mulder, hope your travel bag’s packed, we’re off to Sheffield, England, meet me at the airport as soon as, we’re flying to Robin (pronounced RABBIN) Hood Airport, I’ll give you the details on the way.”
As the seat-belt light flicked off Mulder produced a number of files “For a number of years, soccer (pronounced SACCER) players have been mysteriously disappearing from this club… erm… Sheffield United”
“It all started with this guy, Tony Currie, who disappeared from the club in 1976, then mysteriously re-appeared in 1988. Here’s another one, Keith Edwards. His story is a little stranger, he first disappeared from the club in 1978, then re-appeared in 1981 only to disappear again in 1986”
“Where is he now?”
“Well, the guy disappears into thin air for a second time, then pops up on local radio a few years later, having had his hips replaced and having developed serious arrogance issues! These are text book abduction stories”
“Mulder, this is just two guys…”
“No, no Scully, I have testimony from fans who have followed the club for years and years, who can give name upon name of players who have vanished from the club for no apparent reason, look, Tony Philliskirk, Tony Agana, Brian Deane; another guy who re-appeared only to disappear again; Alan Kelly, Wayne Quinn, Lee Morris, Jan Age Fjortoft. Some have disappeared, never to be heard of again, this Portuguese guy, Marcello, another, Curtis Woodhouse.”
“Well, I have to say it does start to look a bit suspicious, but these cases are really quite old”
“You’re right Scully, the disappearances stopped for a while… But they have started again, with worrying frequency, look, Michael Tonge, Phil Jagielka, James Beattie, Danny Webber, Kyle Naughton, Kyle Walker; yet another to re-appear and then disappear for no apparent reason, David Carney, Leigh Bromby, Brian Howard, David Cotterill, and most recently Matthew Kilgallon. The vast majority of these, and the previous players mentioned were happy at the club, were well liked by the fans, and had no reason to leave”
“So what’s your theory Mulder?”
“There can be only one explanation Scully”
“Alien abduction?”
“Asset stripping Scully, I’ve got an appointment with this man, Kevin ‘C Montgomery’ McCabe (http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs28/f/2008/148/5/7/Mr__Burns_real_by_mataleoneRJ.jpg). He made his money in property and construction, how much do you trust your builder Scully? Whilst I’m talking to him I want you to check out the locals, see what they think”.
The private hire mini-cab lurched in to the club car park, and the driver turned to Mulder “That will be £211 please… not including tip!”
“For that money I want some information, what do you know of Kevin McCabe?”
“For that money I can tell you… to ask Sheffield cabbie, I from Doncaster, Mr McCabe very good man, he lending Rovers Billy Sharp, score many goals”
Mulder paid the cabbie and the car shot off in a cloud of oily smoke. He directed Scully to the Moor to canvass the people there, and pointed out the Radio Sheffield building, telling her to speak to the Football Heaven team.
The plush carpet softened Mulder’s footsteps as he entered McCabe’s office, the rear of the swivel chair faced Mulder, surrounded by a cloud of smoke, an open pack of Morleys and a Zippo lighter sat on the bare desk. The chair turned “Ahh, Mr Mulder…”
“Cancer Man!!! I should have known you’d be behind this”
“Behind what Fox?”
“Asset stripping this club, selling the brightest and best players to refill your coffers following the credit crunch, you soul-less tyrant!”
“No Fox, all those players were abducted by aliens, all I have ever done is try to bring quality to the club”
“Never! You’ve sold out, you’ve put a financial value on everything this club and its fans hold dear!”
“Yes, I have sold out, but not in the way you think. I allowed them; the aliens; to insert their own man, on the assurance that they would only take players surplus to our requirements, but THEY went back on the deal, and now they’re taking our brightest and best”
“Blackwell?”
“Yes, Blackwell. Do you really think any human could be so inept when it comes to football? Hell, even we Americans know how to play the game these days”
“Blackwell’s no alien!”
“Really, have you heard him speak on the radio, seen him interviewed on TV. The ‘man’ knows nothing of the beautiful game, why do you think he was a goalkeeper?”
“You’ll never get away with this McCabe!”
“I already have Fox”
Mulder studied the grey, angry, rain filled sky as he stood outside the South Stand, he’d looked around the Blades Superstore, where he was disappointed to see that the glue used to attach lettering for player names, on the back of replica shirts, was the same as used on post-it notes. A police car pulled alongside him, and a constable addressed him “Special Agent Fox Mulder?”
“Yes, how can I help?”
“As tha got a partner called Dana Scully?”
“Yes” a worried tone in his voice.
“Well tha best come wi us, ter West Baa nick, she’s under arrest fer soliciting”
“Wha’ how?”
“Well she were down Campo Lane, stopping all’t cars, askin all’t fellas if she cud pump em fer info”
Mulder closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, this club wasn’t an X-file, THE WHOLE DAMNED CITY WAS!!
