The Bladeometer

[stateonstainrod]

We can now exclusively reveal this new to the market product. Amongst its many beneficial uses:-

-prove to your friends and enemies alike that you're a bigger Blade than they are-

- to be accepted very soon by most English clubs in lieu of loyalty points schemes and so will give you a fast track straight to the turnstiles @ Wembley for our forthcoming 4 fixtures there-

-useful tool in social media exchanges such as "on here"-

-simple to use-founded on Duckworth Lewis methodology.

Here's how it works:-

1. State your date of birth. Pre 1965 10 credits, one less for every 5 years thereafter;

2.Your route to becoming a Blade. Your own Blade parent 1 credit, animosity to your Owl family member 1000 credits, worked it out for yourself/other 8 credits;

3.Number of games attended in Sheffield on average p.a. over your entire life starting at age 5. Increase total by 10% for every 15 miles you live away from S2. Half a credit per game, net of adjustment;

4. Ditto away games, no adjustment for your location 1 credit per game;

5. Number of times you've been chinned by opposition hoolies. 5 per slap, 10 if admitted to A & E. Zero if you gave as well as received;



Must finish now, Jose's just banged one in.