Sheffield United (the musical)

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Bennyand the Blades

Bennyand the Blades

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They've done so well this last four seasons I think there ought to be some sort of commemoration from us the fans, something like a Musical of sorts written by us the fans. but I got a bit stuck and wonder if any of you lads and lasses out there in Blade land could give me a hand here.

Here's what I've got so far -

Sheffield United (The Musical)
Act 1
I see the curtain slowly rising and there's The Kop with the shoreham boys all dressed in replica shirts softly singing "Sheff Utd - Sheff Utd- Sheff Utd and it gets louder and louder till it fills the whole ground.
Then everybody starts to sing-
( like in Oklahoma)

"We know we'll be down at the Lane,
we'll be cheering them on every game,
and when we sing,
about chip Butty's,,
while,
we're drinking Magnet.
your doing fine Sheff Utd,
Sheff United OK ,B-L-A-D-E-S ........."SHEFF>UTD !!!!!!!!!!!

(Lot's of whooping, cheering, back slapping and dancing, and chucking woolly hat's in the air here
. as the team led by Mr Wilder comes out of the tunnel and the supporters all round the ground start bowing down while chanting "We are unworthy" We are unworthy..

And that's as far as I've gotten so far, writers block I suppose,
So I'm wondering if any one out there could help me out here and put me on the right track again by adding a bit more to the story ?
 



An evil-looking mustachio-d Nigel Adkins prances onto the stage (played by Dorian from Birds of a Feather).
He gives a long rambling musical press conference about positivity and unseen work before Chris Wilder (played by Hugh Jackman) comes at him with a flamethrower (the song “feelin’ hot hot hot” plays during this bit.

Wilder then turns to Paul Coutts; who is covered in actual shit:
“Thou shalt never give the ball away” Wilder bellows (the theme tune to “home and away” is sung whilst Wilder sprays all the shit off of him)

The shit turns out to be Dean Hammond (played by Satan himself) who becomes the villain for the rest of the show when he secretly becomes head of VAR to try to take down Chris Wilder and his mighty blades.

Also, at one point I’d like to see a long and graphic sex scene between Ethan Ebanks Landell and that lass that works for Leeds fan TV... not sure how to work it in though.
 
Love the idea of an evil looking Nigel Adkins.

Surly gotta have Basham running through a concrete (polystyrene) wall and maybe have a catchphrase like the incredible hulk as he goes through... Chris BASH!!!

Maybe have David Brooks represented as a giant £ on legs. Then singing "Your gonna regret itttt" then come back to him near the end when Bournemouth have been relegated with him as a small £ on legs with bandages and crutches.
 
I thought it was a mistake getting rid of Brooksy at the time, but that man Boss Wilder knew better. surprise surprise...... 😜
 
Could take inspiration from Jekyll and Hyde musical adaptation and instead of the Board of Governors its the McCabes and the Board of Fucking Idiots in the early acts. With Kev "No Bigger Blade" McCabe starring as the new version of Sir Danvers.
 
Last edited:
Reyt idea!
I'm immediately thinking 'Phantom of the Opera'!
1st Scene.
"Lot 665, a Premier League Football Club, large Hotel, and training ground that comes to auction as a result of the gross stupidity of their previous owner. May I start the bidding at a paltry £10million. Thank you Prince Abdullah, I have £10million". The camera then cuts away to a monkey, playing the symbols atop a musical box with McCabe's face on it, looking like 'thunder'!
2nd Scene - Masquerade!
Various appearances from McCabe, McDonald, Hashimi (in a dress, naturally!), Brearley, Woolhouse, in masks, concludes with Ched whipping his Skeletor mask off to chop off Sean Bean's head.
Am I on the right track, Benny?

UTB
 
Well I did wonder there for second what Ched was going to reveal, (we don't want any trouble with the censers here do we) but I think the help I've been offered so far is pretty much on a par with what I was expecting......... :rolleyes:
 
A scene with Mark Duffy singing I Want It All by Queen. Then showing Wilder shaking his head in disappointment at the end. He then gets a red card out and shows it to Duffy. Then fade to black. Few seconds pause. Then go to another scene like nothing happened.
 
Tongeincheek said:
An evil-looking mustachio-d Nigel Adkins prances onto the stage (played by Dorian from Birds of a Feather).
He gives a long rambling musical press conference about positivity and unseen work before Chris Wilder (played by Hugh Jackman) comes at him with a flamethrower (the song “feelin’ hot hot hot” plays during this bit.

Wilder then turns to Paul Coutts; who is covered in actual shit:
“Thou shalt never give the ball away” Wilder bellows (the theme tune to “home and away” is sung whilst Wilder sprays all the shit off of him)

The shit turns out to be Dean Hammond (played by Satan himself) who becomes the villain for the rest of the show when he secretly becomes head of VAR to try to take down Chris Wilder and his mighty blades.

Also, at one point I’d like to see a long and graphic sex scene between Ethan Ebanks Landell and that lass that works for Leeds fan TV... not sure how to work it in though.
Click to expand...
Leave the sex scenes for McBurnie and that internet tart! 🤨
 
Bennyand the Blades said:
They've done so well this last four seasons I think there ought to be some sort of commemoration from us the fans, something like a Musical of sorts written by us the fans. but I got a bit stuck and wonder if any of you lads and lasses out there in Blade land could give me a hand here.

Here's what I've got so far -

Sheffield United (The Musical)
Act 1
I see the curtain slowly rising and there's The Kop with the shoreham boys all dressed in replica shirts softly singing "Sheff Utd - Sheff Utd- Sheff Utd and it gets louder and louder till it fills the whole ground.
Then everybody starts to sing-
( like in Oklahoma)

"We know we'll be down at the Lane,
we'll be cheering them on every game,
and when we sing,
about chip Butty's,,
while,
we're drinking Magnet.
your doing fine Sheff Utd,
Sheff United OK ,B-L-A-D-E-S ........."SHEFF>UTD !!!!!!!!!!!

(Lot's of whooping, cheering, back slapping and dancing, and chucking woolly hat's in the air here
. as the team led by Mr Wilder comes out of the tunnel and the supporters all round the ground start bowing down while chanting "We are unworthy" We are unworthy..

And that's as far as I've gotten so far, writers block I suppose,
So I'm wondering if any one out there could help me out here and put me on the right track again by adding a bit more to the story ?
Click to expand...
Please tell me you're not being serious. Pleeeeaasse.
 



Wilder's first scene. (Little artistic licence and imagination needed)

"Right... we need some players. We have a few hundred quid. Go out and get what you can. If yav got change get us a bottle of Peroni"

Then another montage with Shopping by Pet Shop Boys being played. As it shows scouts going to a McDonald's, a building site and a Co-op asking staff if they would play for our modest team.
 
Bennyand the Blades said:
They've done so well this last four seasons I think there ought to be some sort of commemoration from us the fans, something like a Musical of sorts written by us the fans. but I got a bit stuck and wonder if any of you lads and lasses out there in Blade land could give me a hand here.

Here's what I've got so far -

Sheffield United (The Musical)
Act 1
I see the curtain slowly rising and there's The Kop with the shoreham boys all dressed in replica shirts softly singing "Sheff Utd - Sheff Utd- Sheff Utd and it gets louder and louder till it fills the whole ground.
Then everybody starts to sing-
( like in Oklahoma)

"We know we'll be down at the Lane,
we'll be cheering them on every game,
and when we sing,
about chip Butty's,,
while,
we're drinking Magnet.
your doing fine Sheff Utd,
Sheff United OK ,B-L-A-D-E-S ........."SHEFF>UTD !!!!!!!!!!!

(Lot's of whooping, cheering, back slapping and dancing, and chucking woolly hat's in the air here
. as the team led by Mr Wilder comes out of the tunnel and the supporters all round the ground start bowing down while chanting "We are unworthy" We are unworthy..

And that's as far as I've gotten so far, writers block I suppose,
So I'm wondering if any one out there could help me out here and put me on the right track again by adding a bit more to the story ?
Click to expand...
Go back to sleep son, you’ve got to be up for work in an hour😉
 
As mentioned in another thread, I'm convinced that McBurnie walks around with an internal soundtrack of Off Me Nut wonk-core (his eyes and perma-chew suggest as much), so if he does get a scene can he sing this:

 
Sheffield United. (the musical)
act 2
The stage darkens and a hush falls over the crowd as the opposition slinks onto the field to the tune of,....? (help here please).
Mr Wilder who is well know for his sympathy for lower league clubs in trouble has obviously given them a charity match. and the Blades supporters at 50p a pop have responded magnificently, all 50,000 of them.
Their supporters (nearly all 25 of them) start a pathetic sort of bouncing whitch had a couple of their carers looking on worriedly, to the tune of ? (help here again please)-

And back to the drawing board......:tumbleweed:
 
Last edited:
Would the tickets go on general sale or am I going to lose out on points again
 
Bennyand the Blades said:
Sheffield United. (the musical)
act 2
The stage darkens and a hush falls over the crowd as the opposition slinks onto the field to the tune of,....? (help here please).
Mr Wilder who is well know for his sympathy for lower league clubs in trouble has obviously given them a charity match. and the Blades supporters at 50p a pop have responded magnificently, all 50,000 of them.
Their supporters (nearly all 25 of them) start a pathetic sort of bouncing whitch had a couple of their carers looking on worriedly, to the tune of ? (help here again please)-

And back to the drawing board......:tumbleweed:
Click to expand...
I hope you aint referencing the Wendies. I wouldnt give a them a penny let alone 50p 😂 Would have more of a laugh watching them crash and burn into oblivion and then we really would be Sheffield UNITED... get it?
 
I think this has got legs .

The opening scene could be set in the car park of a well known store and feature a pre-arranged confrontation between two rival gangs (can't understand why no one's thought of that before :) ) known as the Pigs and the Blades .

The Pigs are characterised as a bunch of mouth breathing scrotes dressed almost exclusively by TJ Hughes and Matalan and led by an ugly dwarfish character played by Toby Jones .

The Blades , on the other hand , are depicted as a group of super sharp individuals supervised by an ageing but still ruggedly handsome leader , played by Sean Bean .

When the fighting gets underway , the Blades quickly attain supremacy and subject their opponents to embarrassment and humiliation . As they are seen running away , the sound of sirens can be heard in the distance signalling the imminent arrival of South Yorkshires finest ............ (to be continued , all contributions gratefully accepted ) :)
 
Act 3
A blonde haired magician come hurtling off the magic bench, scythes through the evil snortbeasts down one by one and delivers a killing blow to our mortal enemies set to this music, watch in disbelief as our mortal enemies crumble.



Think there is something in this musical lark....
 
Bennyand the Blades said:
They've done so well this last four seasons I think there ought to be some sort of commemoration from us the fans, something like a Musical of sorts written by us the fans. but I got a bit stuck and wonder if any of you lads and lasses out there in Blade land could give me a hand here.

Here's what I've got so far -

Sheffield United (The Musical)
Act 1
I see the curtain slowly rising and there's The Kop with the shoreham boys all dressed in replica shirts softly singing "Sheff Utd - Sheff Utd- Sheff Utd and it gets louder and louder till it fills the whole ground.
Then everybody starts to sing-
( like in Oklahoma)

"We know we'll be down at the Lane,
we'll be cheering them on every game,
and when we sing,
about chip Butty's,,
while,
we're drinking Magnet.
your doing fine Sheff Utd,
Sheff United OK ,B-L-A-D-E-S ........."SHEFF>UTD !!!!!!!!!!!

(Lot's of whooping, cheering, back slapping and dancing, and chucking woolly hat's in the air here
. as the team led by Mr Wilder comes out of the tunnel and the supporters all round the ground start bowing down while chanting "We are unworthy" We are unworthy..

And that's as far as I've gotten so far, writers block I suppose,
So I'm wondering if any one out there could help me out here and put me on the right track again by adding a bit more to the story ?
Click to expand...
I’ve done this. It’d be a pretty short run time though
 
I bow to your superior talents, and leave this in your more capable hands. It's all getting too much for a man of my age,
All I ask as a favour is that you don't make Brian the Blade the juvenile lead........PLEASE :rolleyes:
 
Act 4
Calamity Blades

"Ohhhh the bladeswood stage is heading on over the water
Ohhhhhh the bladeswood stage is heading on overrrrrrr the water....
a kidney punch hereeeeee and a kidney punch thereeeee
a whipcracker blades....a whipcrackerrrrrrr blades"
 



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