Sheffield United on Dragons Den

[ThatJa]

Been catching up with last weeks Dragons Den which got me thinking.........

If Kevin McCabe went on dragons den to get investment into Sheffield United what pitch do you think he'd use? How much would he ask for and what % would he give away of the club?

Sticking in the profits made from this summer, by selling Che, DCL and shipping Brayford's wages combined with the last few summer windows record of selling players would get some Dragons excited??

please note this is intended as a bit of fun.

 

[Ldn_Rd_Blades]

Ched said to me he was going to go on when he got released from prison

Just to let you know I'm out

 

[Gimli]

Deborah Meaden - "Can I ask why you keep selling your best assets and how you think that will help you long term Kevin?"

 

[sitwell]

That fat lass on the end needs to spend some of her millions on her finger nails , they look like some chavs off Stradbroke. Theres a few dozen Chinese nail shops in Worksop next to all the pound shops if she cant find one.

 

[Maidenhead]

Been catching up with last weeks Dragons Den which got me thinking.........

If Kevin McCabe went on dragons den to get investment into Sheffield United what pitch do you think he'd use? How much would he ask for and what % would he give away of the club?

Sticking in the profits made from this summer, by selling Che, DCL and shipping Brayford's wages combined with the last few summer windows record of selling players would get some Dragons excited??

please note this is intended as a bit of fun.

Another one of your ITK Rumours?

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

Been catching up with last weeks Dragons Den which got me thinking.........

If Kevin McCabe went on dragons den to get investment into Sheffield United what pitch do you think he'd use?

After all that money spent on it? It'd have to be the Desso wouldn't it?!!

 

[sitwell]

Another one of your ITK Rumours?

Has he seen Sebastien yet ?

 

[sitwell]

I've been told today by Sebastian (Billy's brother) that he's leaving because wilder wants to build the attack around Clarke. Ipswich is a possible destination it seems.

Just in case anyone forgot. For this reason Im out.

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

That fat lass on the end needs to spend some of her millions on her finger nails , they look like some chavs off Stradbroke. Theres a few dozen Chinese nail shops in Worksop next to all the pound shops if she cant find one.

Careful Sitters, getting close to SEB homeland of Woodhouse. You wouldn't want to upset the S13ers.

 

[Barney]

"So, run me through your turnover, net profits and losses for the last 5 years please Kevin"

Kevin:

 

[8lade]

With your investment we will be in Europe in 5 years.
We will not get relegated to division 1.
And we won't need to sell anybody.

 

[Blade for Sale]

He'd probably have to give them cash as well as a stake in the club.
His pitch would be that he plans to drop us so hard and fast through the divisions we'll eventually crash through the event horizon and end up top of the Premier League.

 

[GrayBlade]

'I'm looking for an investment of one million pounds, and for that I'm offering Prince Abdullah bin Musa'ad bin Abdul Aziz's 50% share in my football club. Sheffield United.

With your money, I'll pay the Prince back the quid that I own him, and then use the £999,999 balance on totally refurbishing the directors lounge PLUS installing new soft close toilet seats in the Tony Currie suite.

I won't require any help from any of you Dragons, as I've been ruining.. erm running my club for nearly 20 years and know all there is to know about what it takes to make a club successful. God willing and with a bit more luck (that's been in short supply over the past decade), the refurbed directors lounge and soft close bog seats will provide the catalyst to push my club up into the Premiership and you could easily quadruple your investment (taps nose).

Any questions?'

 

[Esablade]

Paphitis: "So let me get this straight. You want me to chuck 15 million quid in and I don't even get a piece of the ground, academy, hotel nor nuthin'? Just half of some crummy crap players contracts that will need paying up?"

Big Kev: " HEY, it worked once..."

 

[Top Cat]

Scary. But I wouldn't mind being a million behind her. If only she knew as much about growing old gracefully as she does about palletised logistics.

 

[Bladesman]

Scary. But I wouldn't mind being a million behind her. If only she knew as much about growing old gracefully as she does about palletised logistics.

To be fair she had a stroke a few years a go.

Been catching up with last weeks Dragons Den which got me thinking.........

If Kevin McCabe went on dragons den to get investment into Sheffield United what pitch do you think he'd use? How much would he ask for and what % would he give away of the club?

Sticking in the profits made from this summer, by selling Che, DCL and shipping Brayford's wages combined with the last few summer windows record of selling players would get some Dragons excited??

please note this is intended as a bit of fun.

I can imagine Simon McCabe sat in the reaction room with his fingers crossed hoping Kev can sell part of the "club".

 

[Jan Age]

'Hello Dragons my names Kevin and I'm here today to offer you a stake in my company for £1'

Meaden: ' what's your company called Kevin?'

Kevin: ' Sheffield United'

Meaden: I'm out

Khan: what's your current financial position?

Kevin: We have to put £8,000,000 a year in to cover losses.

Khan: I'm out

Theo (knowing a bit about football) : So for the £1 I'm buying in to Sheffield United and with that the ground in a central location, the hotel etc.?

Kevin: Ah well no that's owned by my other company so that's not on the table.

Peter Jones (who fucking hates this type of thing) : so you've come here claiming we are buying in to Sheffield United but you're actually offering us a squad of players and not much more. I'm out!

Theo: Kevin you're a fucking clown ... I'm out.

Kevin when interviewed afterwards: hey there's no bigger blade than me. If someone wants to come and put their money on the table then pick up the phone. I'm available on .... Mumble mumble

 

[wizadry]

Pathitis: " Right Kevin, can you tell me a bit about your background"

Our Kev: " Yes, I've been a brilliant businessman who has created some great enterprises' and i also run a football club, a club I support"

Pathitis: "Ok then Kevin, how come you need our help then if you already have some great enterprises and businesses already"

Our Kev: "Did you say something Peter?"

 

[wizadry]

This thread is a great idea by the way, i'm actually pissing myself at some of the responses. Top bantz!

 

[Cerberus Blade]

'Hello Dragons my names Kevin and I'm here today to offer you a stake in my company for £1'

Meaden: ' what's your company called Kevin?'

Kevin: ' Sheffield United'

Meaden: I'm out

Khan: what's your current financial position?

Kevin: We have to put £8,000,000 a year in to cover losses.

Khan: I'm out

Theo (knowing a bit about football) : So for the £1 I'm buying in to Sheffield United and with that the ground in a central location, the hotel etc.?

Kevin: Ah well no that's owned by my other company so that's not on the table.

Peter Jones (who fucking hates this type of thing) : so you've come here claiming we are buying in to Sheffield United but you're actually offering us a squad of players and not much more. I'm out!

Theo: Kevin you're a fucking clown ... I'm out.

Kevin when interviewed afterwards: hey there's no bigger blade than me. If someone wants to come and put their money on the table then pick up the phone. I'm available on .... Mumble mumble

Uncle Kev: we've got a novel plan to get out of this league. We've created a new month- Octember - during which we will only play versus ourselves - with 3 points for a win, 4 points for a draw and 5 points if we lose.

Also we will plan to "park the bus" when playing teams away from home in future. We've borrowed a Leyland Atlantean from Sheffield Corporation and will park it on the pitch in front of one of the goals. That should work!

DM: Which goal?

Uncle Kev: we've not decided yet.

DM: will you park it at the other end in the second half?

Uncle Kev: No I don't think so. We don't want to waste fuel unnecessarily.

 

[Fulwood Blade]

yet ANOTHER have a go at Kev thread..........

please note this is intended as a bit of reality.

UTB.

 

[Dellas Cowboys]

Dragons, I'll give you a 50% share of future transfer fees for James Wallace for £50,000 and a bottle of Reggae Reggae sauce.

 

[Esablade]

yet ANOTHER have a go at Kev thread..........

please note this is intended as a bit of reality.

UTB.

...you could always start a thread praising his leadership in guiding the club to its present position?

 

[Fulwood Blade]

...you could always start a thread praising his leadership in guiding the club to its present position?

why? I'm not a vindictive twat.

The reasons surrounding KM has been done to death - the OP has an agenda, or have you chosen to ignore it. Perfectly reasonable to keep posting about KM, hence it's perfectly reasonable to comment on yet ANOTHER KM post. Just saying...............probably water off a ducks back to the OP - but hey ho.

UTB

 

[Esablade]

why? I'm not a vindictive twat.

The reasons surrounding KM has been done to death - the OP has an agenda, or have you chosen to ignore it. Perfectly reasonable to keep posting about KM, hence it's perfectly reasonable to comment on yet ANOTHER KM post. Just saying...............probably water off a ducks back to the OP - but hey ho.

UTB

Why?

Because you're complaining about 'negative' posts, so post some positive stuff...balance things out a bit...

 

[wizadry]

yet ANOTHER have a go at Kev thread..........

please note this is intended as a bit of reality.

UTB.

This is clearly intended as a bit of fun mate, I suggest you don't get too serious with the thread and get with the program.

Try posting something remotely encouraging or positive in response to the thread banter, either way that's all it will be.

 

[DiggerBlade]

 

[SwissBlade]

McCabe has already gone on Dragons Den, that's how he got the Prince. He went in wanting to give 1% away for £1 Billion, but through his skills of negotiation, previously only seen in player sales, he managed to give away 50% for £1.

This would be funnier than the other scenarios above on this thread, presumably for everyone but Kevin McCabe

 

[The Crab]

KM - Good Morning everyone, my name's Kevin, I'm Co-Chairman of Sheffield United and I'd like £30'000'000 for a 10& stake in the club.

Sarah Willingham - Hi Kevin. How do you explain your astonishing turnover of managers during your tenure?

KM - Sarah is it? You must be Toukers P.A, Coffee, white, two sugars please sweetheart.

Nick Jenkins - My speciality is the Online world, if I was to invest the money, what improvements would you make in this area?

KM - Well Nick, at the moment we have a Drinking Bird hitting random keys for the ticket booking, all it costs is a bit of water to top up it's cup. If I get the money I'd be willing to buy a 2nd bird.

Touker Suleyman - Kevin, you say you are Co-Chairman. Who is the other party involved?

KM - Morning Touker, any reason why Sarah is still sat there and not getting my coffee? I've been sitting on a fucking Megabus for 6 hours next to someone who is going to the fucking X Factor auditions. The worst part is it's one of those "joke" ones, she says she's 35, course she is, in a pink dralon suit, baseball cap on the wrong way round, and fucking mirrored sunglasses. Touker, it's as dark as a David Lynch script and it's been pissing it down all the way so why the fuck is she wearing them? Anyway, chop chop Sarah, my throats as dry as a Saudi Toilet roll. Speaking of Saudi Toilet Rolls, I've copped for the only skint Saudi in existence. Not so much a sleeping partner, this ones got fucking Narcolepsy.

Peter Jones - Kevin, slowly but surely, you have sold your better assets and replaced them with gradually worse ones. Why should I invest?

KM - Gradually worse? Fucks sake Peter I bought Dean Hammond, I haven't spent that much since I bought a Costa Coffee and a Cheese & Ham Panini in Brussels Airport.

Deborah Meaden - You always say there's no bigger Blade than you, but Mark Labett is quite a bit bigger than you isn't he?

KM - Morning Debs, Mrs Mcabe loved you on Strictly, to be honest I thought you had all the grace and movement of a Wardrobe falling off a cliff, how's your Coffee making? Looks like I'm going to get fuck all out of Sarah, you really need to sort her out Touker.

The Dragons - Fuck this, we're out.

 

[Sheffsteel]

Deborah Meaden - "Can I ask why you keep selling your best assets and how you think that will help you long term Kevin?"

That's an easy one Debbie, you obviously don't know about football.
Assets is a loose term, player valuations are like the stock market, constantly fluctuating and sometimes not based on the here and now but potential of what might happen in 3 or 4 years time.

Sheff United are currently in league 1 so don't have the finances to take risks and gamble on the future.
The fanbase want and expect promotion THIS SEASON so we focus on improving the squad for THIS SEASON.
We've recently brought in over 3 million on 2 young players but neither were first team regulars so the squad is actually much improved since these sales.