Some of you probably know that I work as a part-time ranger in the Peak District national park and I get involved in all kinds of stuff, from repairing stone walls, to mountain rescue. We had one a few weeks ago now - some bloke had gone caving/pot holing out Castleton way and got stuck. I should just point out, we always stress to folks not to go caving in winter months because the risk of flash-flooding is a threat to life - but folks still do it. Anyhow, I gets called out to go and help a bloke who has got himself stuck down a cave...
After about 20 minutes descent I found him. I could hear him screaming! "Get me out of here!" in a panic, then I saw the fading flashlight on his helmet. He was in a bit of a state. He'd got his leg trapped under a rock and couldn't move - and the cave was filling with water, it was up to about his thigh when I got there.
First thing I planned to do of course was to reassure him that he'd be alright and we'd have him out of there in no time. But I got temporarily distracted, I noticed, he was wearing a Blades shirt underneath his overalls. Well, I just paused for a moment - and went....
"oreight Pal?"
He looked at me a bit vacant.
"Support t' Blades does tha?" I said.
And he said, "Arr!".
I then said, "me an' all pal. I've had a season ticket now for about 30 years and I've got over 50,000 loyalty points". He didn't seem impressed. "Just get me out of here!" he said, still in a state of shock obviously.
I said to him, "don't worry I'll have you out of here in no time". The water was now up to his waist.
"What's tha think o that Sander Berge bloke then?" I asked him. He just said, "Eh?".
"Sander Berge" I said, only they don't pronounce it "Berge" they pronounce it "Burger", as in MacDonald's" I said.
"Just f*ckin' get me out of here!" he said. The water was now up to his chest.
I said to him, "Some folks think he's been brought in to challenge Lundstram for the right-sided midfield spot, but I don't think so thanuz. I think Wilder's brought him in with a view to challenging Norwood in't middle o't park. He's a central midfield thanuz, not a right-sided midfielder and he's only slotted him in there for t' time being, you watch, I'll bet yer that he starts playing him in central midfield before too long".
The water was now up to his chin.
The kids eyes were bulging with fear and he started shouting at the top of his voice, "GET ME F*CKIN OUT OF HERE YOU DOZY TWAT - F*CK SHEFFIELD UNITED!" and with that I dipped beneath the water, inserted a jemmy bar under the rock, and rolled it to one side and his leg came free. The current then washed him further along the cave where he came to rest on a dry sandstone shelf, unharmed.
Bottom line is, he got out of there totally unscathed. Bit of a shock of course, but he was absolutely fine.
But for me, this just shows that you can't assume someone is going to be all friendly and pally with you, just because they are wearing the football shirt of the club you support.