Match Reports

[coaxingstar71]

Every week I read the BBC and Sky reports on our games and every week they infuriate me. I don't think there was actually a BBC reporter at our game judging by the report :-

"The Blades went in behind at the break after Kamil Grosicki struck a fierce effort from 25 yards out.

Clarke turned in a cross to equalise after the restart and then netted from close range to put the hosts ahead.

The striker bagged his hat-trick with a back-post header before capitalising on poor defending to score his fourth."

He did a bit more than 'turn in a cross' and 'net from close range'.

The Sky one was a bit better apart from they got the wrong player crossing for Leon's first goal.

"The equaliser came in the 53rd minute when Chris Basham whipped in a low cross from the right and Clarke found the net with a deft, near-post flick."

Thank the Lord for Deadbat 's match reports!

 

[Smirth]

It’s fine, we will get good, detailed reports when we are in the Premier League next season.

 

[coaxingstar71]

It’s fine, we will get good, detailed reports when we are in the Premier League next season.

Worse, we'll get analysed to fuck by Gary Neville.

 

[JohnDenver]

Worse, we'll get analysed to fuck by Gary Neville.

I had an horrific double take reading that.

 

[snootyfenooty]

Worse, we'll get analysed to fuck by Gary Neville.

They'll be fucked trying to figure it out, none of them have seen football played our way before. He won't be able to compare our style with Man U because I've seen neither of their CB's tonking down the wing on an overlap and putting a cross in. But then again he could be the umpteenth pundit to think he's the first to discover the "M" word.

 

[DifferentClass]

Basham and CCV do look a lot alike though...

 

[Sean Thornton]

Worse, we'll get analysed to fuck by Gary Neville.

Or by "Blind Geordie Boy" Shearer. The pundits punt.

 

[I should coco]

Or by "Blind Geordie Boy" Shearer.

"Definite pen. He was entitled to go down there, Gary"

 

[raul]

My understanding is that the Beeb pay a flat fee of £60 for a match report out of which come your travel expenses etc. Brian Glanville you are not going to get.

 

[Sean Thornton]

My understanding is that the Beeb pay a flat fee of £60 for a match report out of which come your travel expenses etc. Brian Glanville you are not going to get.

What about Yoda?

 

[pommpey]

"Definite pen. He was entitled to go down there, Gary"

"It's norasseptible at this level. The ref clearly missed it and there needs t'bi consequences, man."

This from a twat who broke Wayne Bridge's leg which should have resulted in him being charged for GBH. Great striker, but a cunt on the pitch.

pommpey

 

[stringer]

Every week I read the BBC and Sky reports on our games and every week they infuriate me. I don't think there was actually a BBC reporter at our game judging by the report :-

"The Blades went in behind at the break after Kamil Grosicki struck a fierce effort from 25 yards out.

Clarke turned in a cross to equalise after the restart and then netted from close range to put the hosts ahead.

The striker bagged his hat-trick with a back-post header before capitalising on poor defending to score his fourth."

He did a bit more than 'turn in a cross' and 'net from close range'.

The Sky one was a bit better apart from they got the wrong player crossing for Leon's first goal.

"The equaliser came in the 53rd minute when Chris Basham whipped in a low cross from the right and Clarke found the net with a deft, near-post flick."

Thank the Lord for Deadbat 's match reports!

Then the local press who send at least two people up and down the country to every Blades game, get ripped to shreds. Cake and eat it much?

 

[The Crab]

Then the local press who send at least two people up and down the country to every Blades game, get ripped to shreds. Cake and eat it much?

If you're offering Danny. Any chance of a brew as well?

 

[I should coco]

This from a twat who broke Wayne Bridge's leg which should have resulted in him being charged for GBH. Great striker, but a cunt on the pitch.

Didn't Bradders get some retaliation in first, when Shearer was at Blackburn?

As you say, decent striker for club and country but a wank pundit. All the personality of a cardboard box, happy to toe the line, say nothing outrageous and pick up several hundred grand a year for the priviledge.

 

[Sean Thornton]

If you're offering Danny. Any chance of a brew as well?

There's a joke in there but only an unashamed shit liner would go for that tap in.

 

[coaxingstar71]

Then the local press who send at least two people up and down the country to every Blades game, get ripped to shreds. Cake and eat it much?

Then you'd think that between the two of them, they might be able to get the players names right, y'know the players of the local clubs they are paid to report on.

Still, I suppose nobody sets out to do a shit job.

 

[The Crab]

There's a joke in there but only an unashamed shit liner would go for that tap in.

I'm the midfield genius that sets them up Sean, legs are too far gone to play up top so you go for it mate

Anyway, hopefully Danny knows I'm only yanking his chain and how full I shit I am! Got to keep him sweet in case I need to use Action Desk

 

[stringer]

I'm the midfield genius that sets them up Sean, legs are too far gone to play up top so you go for it mate

Anyway, hopefully Danny knows I'm only yanking his chain and how full I shit I am! Got to keep him sweet in case I need to use Action Desk

There’s nothing we can do for Crab Industries mate. You’re on your own with that one

 

[The Crab]

There’s nothing we can do for Crab Industries mate. You’re on your own with that one

Well, you could bury that report about the Crash Landing at Doncaster airport. It was turbulence and almost nothing to do with the pilot being drunk.

 

[I should coco]

Anyway, hopefully Danny knows I'm only yanking his chain and how full I shit I am! Got to keep him sweet in case I need to use Action Desk

Or if you had a major global disaster with your verge clippings (Sorry Danny04 but i can't stop myself repeating this bit of wonderful local 'journalism'):

http://www.thestar.co.uk/news/it-s-...ft-by-sheffield-council-contractors-1-8617321

 

[The Crab]

Or if you had a major global disaster with your verge clippings (Sorry Danny04 but i can't stop myself repeating this bit of wonderful local 'journalism'):

http://www.thestar.co.uk/news/it-s-...ft-by-sheffield-council-contractors-1-8617321

Not had grass problems on my verge for a while, not since before Big Vern started parking the Discovery on it actually. The wheel spin and chronic oil leak might have something to do with that.

 

[HoodedClaw]

Or by "Blind Geordie Boy" Shearer. The pundits punt.

Typo??

 

[Dkc]

Because everything if free on the Internet and no one buys newspapers any more, few media outlets will pay for match reports, especially outside the PL. Most national newspapers will use an edited agency report if they have anything at all. Occasionally someone like the Guardian or the Times will send someone to cover a non-prem game but its very rare these days. You are more likely to read a report of a Spanish game in the Guardian than a report from the Football League. Some will say that there's no need for match reports these days when you can watch all the games and replays, but I still enjoy reading them. I really look forward to Deadbat's reports, and hope they will appear in some kind of Blades archive someday.

 

[mattbianco1]

The Blades went in behind at the break after Kamil Grosicki struck a fierce effort from 25 yards out.

True.

Clarke turned in a cross to equalise after the restart

True.

then netted from close range to put the hosts ahead

True.

The striker bagged his hat-trick with a back-post header

True.

before capitalising on poor defending to score his fourth

True.

I'm not sure what the problem is. It's a summary report designed for neutral fans. Nobody is going to want to read war and peace for every game.

The in-depth report is here: https://www.sufc.co.uk/news/2017/no...tch_report_1718_buyers&utm_content=2017-11-06

Having said that, apparently his first goal was "slid" past McGregor

 

[coaxingstar71]

True.


True.


True.


True.


True.

I'm not sure what the problem is. It's a summary report designed for neutral fans. Nobody is going to want to read war and peace for every game.

The in-depth report is here: https://www.sufc.co.uk/news/2017/no...tch_report_1718_buyers&utm_content=2017-11-06

Having said that, apparently his first goal was "slid" past McGregor

"sliding the ball beyond McGregor" - pfft, lazy journalism.

 

[stringer]

Or if you had a major global disaster with your verge clippings (Sorry Danny04 but i can't stop myself repeating this bit of wonderful local 'journalism'):

http://www.thestar.co.uk/news/it-s-...ft-by-sheffield-council-contractors-1-8617321

Also knows as bloke has a problem and the local newspaper helps sort it. Aka what local newspapers should be built on

 

[Sean Thornton]

Also knows as bloke has a problem and the local newspaper helps sort it. Aka what local newspapers should be built on

Surprised you've got time for "contractor spoils grass verge horror" with two of you swanning off to football every week.

 

[Tommoblade66]

Rather the press didn't draw positive attention to us until the end of the season. I'm trying to keep a lid on it until the season's over

 

[Sean Thornton]

LOCAL SERIAL KILLER "COULD PLAY FOR SHEFFIELD UNITED"


(He may not of course and there's no evidence that he does whatsoever, but we have to print this bit because you know what they're like on S24SU)


Anyway, if he does, look out for a man in a red and white striped shirt ( cont page 1867).


On other pages,

Police mystified by reports of a local serial killer and say they know nothing about it.

Grass verge stolen from outside local mans house - photo.

 

[Deadbat]

Because everything if free on the Internet and no one buys newspapers any more, few media outlets will pay for match reports, especially outside the PL. Most national newspapers will use an edited agency report if they have anything at all. Occasionally someone like the Guardian or the Times will send someone to cover a non-prem game but its very rare these days. You are more likely to read a report of a Spanish game in the Guardian than a report from the Football League. Some will say that there's no need for match reports these days when you can watch all the games and replays, but I still enjoy reading them. I really look forward to Deadbat's reports, and hope they will appear in some kind of Blades archive someday.

I do have most of them Dkc somewhere on a hard drive or memory stick etc. I had a plan to set up a United blog with various things on it each week, including my match reports and aso putting archived ones on but work/time/family saw I never did it. Maybe I still might one day but was going to be time coonsuming to do.

I might post a retro match report now and again from years gone by. I go back to around 2004ish I think since I started doing them in detail....so any requests?!