Funny Matchday Stories

[x111Josh]

Can't also forget Wembley for the 2009 POF agaist Burnely. Got a 20ft flag made especially for the occasion and took it along, got the coach down and had a few beers in the Green Man before making my way to the ground. It wasn't until we were stood outside I looked at my ticket: Seat 40 Something, Row K, LOWER TIER... I was so disheartened and a little drunk I passed it onto a stranger but fellow blade who was sat up in the heavens to string up for me, not considering how i'd get it back, the game ended and i tried to get up onto the top level to no avail from the grumpy stewards. Finally managed to find a way to sneak round, got the flag and forgot how I had got up there, So took an hour or so to wander around the stadium while it was completely empty and a bit eerie. Eventually got out to find my coach had left without me, set off walking to the train station only to walk past it in traffic about a mile down the road and hop on, que the 6 hour journey home.

Probably not the funniest story ever but it sure was fun, and now I don't ever have to pay for a Wembley tour.

 

[Guesty]

Cant believe I forgotten about bury away either last yr or 2 yrs ago when I posted earlier the whole away fans chanting "hes got a lampshade on head" chanting was fantastic & even better when blades fans found him on twitter to continue giving him stick

That was brilliant, such a sustained pisstake. On the pitch we eased to a 2-0 win (Forte scored!) but all the attention second half was on that stupid bucket hat.

 

[Blade82]

My funniest away day was at Oxford in the absolute pissing rain - about 1998 ish, I think. We won 2-0.

We'd had an eventful trip down. We hit Oxford about 12:30 and then had the bright idea of parking and riding into Oxford. We got into the ground at 3:05, piss wet through.

However, as we ran to the ground, there was another fella in a similar boat to us. To be fair, he was only a year older than me but we were at different levels of development. He was 6'2", had a beard and a gruff voice. I was 5'6", still had my boyish good looks and my voice was still shaky to say the least. Even though I was technically 17, it wasn't much of a stretch for my Dad to pay me in as an U16 still. No questions asked. Then this fella, Mick was his name, who was a year older anyway must have thought that if we could get away with it, he could. He asked for a junior ticket and the turnstile fella just laughed in his face.

It was funny to me anyway!

Remember that game think I was out 1st away win in over a year if it's the one I'm thinking of. There was a picture of the away end in the star or green un we only had a bout 300 there on the uncovered terrace and it pissed it down all game

 

[Greenwich Blade]

After the dismal play-off final against Hudds, our coach stopped off at Watford Gap for food and the like. The queue for McDonalds was huge, and the staff took forever to give us (me and a friend) our order. As a result, we emerged from the service station with our crap grub to find our coach had departed without us. We decided the best course of action was to blag a lift back to Sheffield, with no Blades cars whatsoever in sight. We ended up persuading two Hudds fans to take us with them and drop us off at the Meadowhall junction.

At the time, yer coach leaving without you after another shite performance at Wembley was a nightmare, but in retrospect it was pretty funny. The Hudds fans to be fair to them were a sound pair and without them we would've been royally fucked. I wrote a letter to their local paper to thank them and they printed it.

The moral of this story...never eat McDonalds.

Easy hitch from Watford Gap!

 

[BouncinBlade]

A little out the box but when I was younger around 10 years of age, (28 now) so a good 18 years ago. I was sat in the john street Stand while we were playing Stoke & a streaker came running on the pitch. She made a good run for it aswel with jugs out I though that was amusing Can anyone remember the score that day, remember it or have a link?

 

[BouncinBlade]

Probably the first pair of tits I'd ever seen

 

[coaxingstar71]

Probably the first pair of tits I'd ever seen

Other posters have referenced this game earlier in the thread. I believe it was 25 April 1997 on a Friday night v Stoke. Blades won 1-0 thanks to a Carl Tiler scrambled effort. This ensured our place in the play offs that year, when we did our usual trick of not turning up for the final v Palace.

 

[TONY_TONY_AGANA]

A little out the box but when I was younger around 10 years of age, (28 now) so a good 18 years ago. I was sat in the john street Stand while we were playing Stoke & a streaker came running on the pitch. She made a good run for it aswel with jugs out I though that was amusing Can anyone remember the score that day, remember it or have a link?

Was it the 3-3 game? Deane scored 2 of ours and Peter Thorne scored a couple for the Potters?

 

[TONY_TONY_AGANA]

Was it the 3-3 game? Deane scored 2 of ours and Peter Thorne scored a couple for the Potters?

Sorry, we won 3-2

 

[Klanger]

Heading down Wembley Way after our traditional disappointment, this time against Burnley, there were a couple of Burnley fans, a big fat ugly female and her male companion. The woman was gobbling off loudly, to the consternation of her worried companion who, noting they were heavily outnumbered, had correctly detected a sense of humour failure amongst the Blades fans.

"What's wrong?" She shrieked, "they aren't going to hit me are they?"

"Well we are certainly not going to shag you love" replied the bloke behind me...............

 

[Elsecar_Blade]

Remember that game think I was out 1st away win in over a year if it's the one I'm thinking of. There was a picture of the away end in the star or green un we only had a bout 300 there on the uncovered terrace and it pissed it down all game

I've no idea how many we had there but I do remember something about it being the first win in a long while. Think Katchouro got the goals - or at least one of them? Definitely rained throughout the game on the terrace.

EDIT: October 24, 1998. Saunders and Katchouro. Following it back on Wikipedia, our last away win before that was November 4, 1997 when we won 1-0 at Reading through a Mark Patterson goal.

 

[BarnsleyBlade88]

Perhaps you had-to-be-there's but:

1. Filing outta match after a night match, Zebra crossing near Kop. Everyones all over road and there's a car trying to shove its way through. Little lad, squeaky voice, can't have been older than 5 points at crossing and tells car driver "It's a Zebra crossing!"... Car driver must mutter something back, Young lad turns back round and yells at car driver "Dont tell me to f**k off mister!!" to be given a scutch round ear from his Dad!

2. United fans at Reading (the year they did the free travel!). Outside ground bloke ordering a Jacket Potato from one of the vans demanding the full sack of potatoes for his £4. Then squirting mustard/ketchup/brown sauce all over it "to get his moneys worth". Incidentall saw the same bloke at Highbury then arguing with woman on refreshment stand then he wanted normal water, not "Arsenal Water that was probably straight outta the Thames anyway!"

3. United fans at a preseason game at Mansfield, perhaps about 5/6 years ago... spotted a lad in home stand in a Pink tshirt and poor lad got abuse for the full 90 minutes. All light hearted but hilarious.

 

[metalblade]

I remember a little lad with his father asking for a badge from the badge lady on Cherry st corner, when his dad said no the screaming ab dabs started with plenty of foot stamping the little bastard was refusing to move and making a right scene. The lads father calmly turned round and says to the lad if tha dunt get here and shurrup ruwerin tha going to Hillsbrough next Satdi ............. it worked better than a slap up the face, instant silence

 

[BouncinBlade]

Other posters have referenced this game earlier in the thread. I believe it was 25 April 1997 on a Friday night v Stoke. Blades won 1-0 thanks to a Carl Tiler scrambled effort. This ensured our place in the play offs that year, when we did our usual trick of not turning up for the final v Palace.[/QUOT nice one coaxing star. Didn't realise but thank you for the date & score line. Yeah I witnessed the palace game. Remember leaving in a flood of tears. David Hopkins has been a ginger prick ever since

 

[BouncinBlade]

Other posters have referenced this game earlier in the thread. I believe it was 25 April 1997 on a Friday night v Stoke. Blades won 1-0 thanks to a Carl Tiler scrambled effort. This ensured our place in the play offs that year, when we did our usual trick of not turning up for the final v Palace.

nice one coaxing star. Didn't realise but thank you for the date & score line. Yeah I witnessed the palace game. Remember leaving in a flood of tears. David Hopkins has been a ginger prick ever since

 

[Dnblade]

Another one where you had to be there,but when we played Newcastle when Keegan was in charge and Andy Cole was banging the goals in..think it ended 2-0 to us and I thought we'd definately stay up..how wrong was I...anyway there was a car full of us held up on the parkway...we were moaning we're not going to make Kick Off...as we got towards the end of the hold up,there was a car broken down...loads of frustrated abusive comments like "some stupid bastards broke down" being one of the milder comments..then I clocked the driver stood by the broken down car was my Brother in law...we sunk down in our seats and looked the other way as we passed and made the game with 5 minutes gone.
I saw my Brother in law the next day,andhe was telling me about the breakdown ...I had to tell him..I told him "yeah,we saw you"..he replied and asked why we didn't stop.."well,we were late for the match" I said laughing..."Yer Bastards" ...funny at the time anyway,and he is a Wendy so that made it moralistically ok.

 

[Hampshire Blade]

Leyton Orient away last season, the usual crowd of 12 or so cockney lads on the balcony of one of the flats that overlooks the ground, next to the away fans. One stood out from the rest by wearing a pristine white shirt, top button done up, skinny jeans etc. Some blades at the back started singing "If you wear a white shirt you're a c**t, if you wear a white shirt you're a c**t, if you wear a white shirt, wear a white shirt, wear a white shirt you're a c**t". He looked down on us, thought for a few seconds how to react and credit to him, just held his hands up in defeat

 

[Hampshire Blade]

Swindon away a few years back, will.i.am wannabe/lookalike steward/bouncer at the front, back to the game, staring up at the blades. Cue a chant of "glasses from matalan"... another where you had to be there, and I'm sure there are loads of other matalan chants

 

[Silent Blade]

Sorry, we won 3-2

Was it the 3-3 game? Deane scored 2 of ours and Peter Thorne scored a couple for the Potters?

No, it was in the 1-0 win in April 1997

 

[Caveblade]

Away at Birmingham for a very early season encounter in black wells reign. A pretty dull game which if I
Remember rightly we lost to a Kev Phillips goal.

As per usual there were the usual knobs at the end of the home stand who were more interested in mouthing off and making hand gestures towards the blades fans. The one who stood out was a big lad wearing jeans and a pink t shirt.

Cue the entire Blades section giving a rousing chorus of "t shirt from Matalan, t shirt from Matalan" even the big lad was laughing. Top football Bants!


My best ever comedy moment was the first ever play off game away In Bristol. 5 of us went in my car. We stopped at the services on the M5 and just as we were getting ready to leave the blades coaches were pulling in. We were very amused as we watched the Blades fans ripping each other's kegs off with a hand down the back of the trousers and a swift upward ripping movement.

We set off up the car park only to hear a shout of "Gerrum" followed by a sprint to try and get in the Sierra before our shreddies disappeared! 4 of us made it, my mate David was too slow. I still raise a smile as I remember him getting in the car saying "they've nicked me pants"!

We made it Bristol without further incident and loved the fact that all pants had been tied together to make a bunting that went from the top to the bottom of the stand. Believe me when I say there were some examples that gave a very bad impression of the personal hygiene standards in Sheffield!!

 

[Valleyblade]

Jumping from my seat with joy, against all judgement, on the pigs northstand, when Whitehouse opened the scoring on Bobby Davidson night, and being surrounded by hundreds of others doing the same.....priceless!

 

[Lt. J Dangle]

Pre-season friendly at Skegness in 1987. Walked into the Pleasure Beach on the seafront and saw about 40 Blades on the pirate ship, 20 at each end. When the ship swung up they chanted 'Sheffield United'. Then all of em piled off and jumped on the dodgems.

Later at the match about 200 blades joined in a kick-about at half time. A couple of local kids came and sat beside us in the second half, acting the twat. A blade says to one of em, "I bet yer mother's t'village bike int she? I bet she's got piss flaps like a blind cobbler's thumb"

Oh how we laughed.

 

[Silent Blade]

There were two funny stories about John Allen (who moved to Motherwell in the late 1970s and he passed away last year). Back in 1975 he had a few drinks and then decided to take his car to Birmingham for the last match of the 1974-75 season (at the time we all thought a win was good enough to qualify for the following season's UEFA Cup). He called at his friend's (Frank Wood- also no longer on this earth) house to ask him if he could go into his car to go to Birmingham. Frank could tell John had been drinking earlier but decided to go with him to the match (no all ticket nonsense these days). On their journey to St Andrew, John pulled his car to the hard shoulder of the motorway and told Frank "I need a pee". Frank advised John not to do it because the police would arrest him etc etc. John ignored him and went on to do his business. Frank then saw a lot of Police bikes coming nearer John's car but luckily for John it was a convoy escorting the Queen Mother's limo. Obviously all the police could see what John was doing (and possibly the Queen Mother did too!) but they couldnt leave the convoy! John was very lucky there!

For the penultimate game of the 1989-90 season (at Blackburn), John drove all the way from Motherwell not realising that the match was all ticket until he arrived at Ewood Park. He arrived about two hours before the kick off, walking round the ground thinking of a way to get in and then when he saw a TV camera crew were making their way into the ground through the Officials entrance doors, quick as a flash he followed the tv crew. The doormen thought John was part of the crew and allowed him into the ground! John carried on following the crew through the corridors and then went to a different direction by guessing before ending up in the toilets at the away end, waited for the gates to open before joining the crowd. I was gobsmacked to see him there when I bumped to him and he then explained it all to me.

 

[torridon]

I went to Stoke for a Zenith Data Systems cup game late 80's early 90's might be wrong on this but it was some tin pot cup, lost £20 on the terrace, oh how we laughed, guess you had to be there

 

[Shalalalafenoughty]

Jumping from my seat with joy, against all judgement, on the pigs northstand, when Whitehouse opened the scoring on Bobby Davidson night, and being surrounded by hundreds of others doing the same.....priceless!

I was about halfway up their Kop - still a standing area in those days - and although I'd toyed with the idea of keeping quiet if/when we scored, you couldn't not celebrate that goal, especially if you'd been there on Boxing Day, 1979. There were plenty of other Blades on the Kop but mostly down the front and a lot got moved on. The hostility level cranked up after we scored our second and I moved round a bit and viewed the rest of the game with a small knot of Blades who were being watched over by the police. I'll always remember the laughter after Woods dived over that cross-cum-shot (from Bradshaw, I think) second half from which Hodges should really have scored.

 

[Blade56]

I remember the female streaker who ran from the kop over to Bassett in the dugout. So long ago now, I can't remember who we were playing or anything.

Funny I couldn't remember the year, the opposition or the score but I can vividly remember the lady (sarcastic cough) involved and to this day I recon I could pick her out in a crowd!

 

[HighfieldBlade]

Funny I couldn't remember the year, the opposition or the score but I can vividly remember the lady (sarcastic cough) involved and to this day I recon I could pick her out in a crowd!

she was a too many rows in front of me to get a good look unfortunately.

 

[cahill]

Once at the Lane, can't remember the year but it was when fencing was erected round the pitch. At a quiet moment during the match, bloke in front shouts to the linesman stood about 6ft away "nah then linesman thee wife's at hoohamm (home) in bed we (with) a Wednesdayite".. then after a pause he adds ..."a black one"

gave me a laugh.


Similar era at corner of the John Street terrace next to the away fans who were chanting "you're so shit its unbelievable" and a wag shouts back "oh we can play worse than this ...dunt thee worry about that "

Amused me anyway. You had to be there

 

[Billyblade]

We went to Grimsby some years ago and my mate kept going on about how he couldn't wait for his pre-match meal of "proper" fish and chips(being in Cod country and all that).

We went into this chippy and my mate ordered a large cod and chips.
The girl behind the counter said "We don't have any fish"
Imagine her face as my mate, after a pause, shouted "Are you fucking serious? Dangle a fucking rod out the back door!"

 

[BornOnShorehamStreet]

Home versus Man City - Kop end, 1967 I think.

City fans had taken the centre of our Kop but there was a small number of Blades up against the wall behind the goal.

One city fan in policeman's cape and helmet swinging an old table leg round his head (God knows how he got that in the ground) and challenging the Blades penned at the bottom of the Kop to come for him.

The Blades lads were just stood watching him and out of the pack a woman ran towards the City fan.

She ran straight towards him, up 4 or 5 steps and kicked him full on in the bollocks.

He soon stopped swinging that table leg