Sean the Blade
Member
London 2012, and due to cockneys not being able to turn the tap off whilst they clean their teeth, a drought order and hosepipe ban have been issued. Consequently they are unable to fill their Olympic sized swimming pool with water! The organising committee are faced with a painful decision, either move the water sports to Ponds Forge, or utilise the ‘Olympic sized swimming pool’ from Hi-De-Hi. The committee are horrified to find that both venues are ‘up north’, and even more horrified to find that the pool from Hi-De-Hi has been filled in and Coronation Street style terraced houses have been built over it, DISASTER, they’ll have to move the games to Sheffield!
In the ‘Shire’ suite at Bramall Lane Frodo Blackwell is visited by the mysterious grey figure of Gandalf McCabe “Gandalf! What brings you here?”
“My Bentley Frodo, I used the red one today, but that is not of consequence, we must undertake an urgent and dangerous task”
“Oh”
“The Olympic rings have been transported to the city, to be placed on the wall of Ponds Forge pool. But, one of them fell off the back of the lorry, it was taken by a hideous beast called ‘lowbridge’ at a dark place called ‘Manvers’ where many thieves and cut-throats of the ‘White Bear’ clan roam” Frodo Blackwell stared, wide eyed, at the great figure “Why are you telling me this?”
“This ring contains all the electronic wizardry needed to operate the strobing lights, and the on/off switch; it IS the one ring to rule them all! We must seek it out, and you, Frodo Blackwell, must bear the ring to its rightful destination”
“But, but, Manvers, that’s near Wath, it’s a dangerous land”
“You shall have protection young Hobbit, look” Gandalf waved his arm, the door opened, and a gowned Sean Bean stepped inside, his left hand grasping the hilt of his sword “He shall be your protector, Frodo, meet Borrowme A-player”
Borrowme stood at Frodo’s side “Fear not tubby one, I swear by me new teeth I shall protect you with my life”
“But we’re going to journey very close to Barnsley Gandalf” Frodo tremmoured “none of us can speak Dingle”
“Worry not; meet the elf, Leg-o-less Robbins, and the dwarf Gimli Bird”
“Si Thi” said Robbins, Gimli, wringing his best hankie, with a tear in his eye said “Can ah just seh, wot a reyt ‘onour it is ter come wi thi on thi quest”
“So, how many so far” asked Gandalf, Gimli waved his arm from side to side and said “Fower!”
“Hmmm, for a fellowship, we need…” Gimli pointed his first fingers in the air and shouted “SIX”
“Yes, quite, so it seems that I must get my hands dirty and join you, but that leaves us one short…”
A staff rapped at the suite door BANG! BANG! SMASHHHH! “Sorry lads, sorry lads, I thought it were stronger than that, if yer get me a dustpan and brush I’ll clean this glass up. ‘Ello I’m Howard Wilkinson, I understand yer need some ‘elp?”
“What brings you Howard?”
“Mi push bike”
“We’ve done that gag”
“Sorry, sorry. I owe a great debt ter this nation, abaht five ‘undred thousand quid, so I thought the least I could do would be ter ‘elp out at a time like this”
“This then is our fellowship; let us take our first steps on our quest, quickly now the X90 leaves Pond Street in fifteen minutes”
“Gandalf, what does this ‘ring to rule them all’ look like?” asked Frodo.
“It is a great, beautiful, golden hoop; almost eight feet in diameter, fashioned from the finest Perspex China can produce”
“Eight Feet! How am I going to carry THAT?”
“Simple young Frodo, around your waist”
In the ‘Shire’ suite at Bramall Lane Frodo Blackwell is visited by the mysterious grey figure of Gandalf McCabe “Gandalf! What brings you here?”
“My Bentley Frodo, I used the red one today, but that is not of consequence, we must undertake an urgent and dangerous task”
“Oh”
“The Olympic rings have been transported to the city, to be placed on the wall of Ponds Forge pool. But, one of them fell off the back of the lorry, it was taken by a hideous beast called ‘lowbridge’ at a dark place called ‘Manvers’ where many thieves and cut-throats of the ‘White Bear’ clan roam” Frodo Blackwell stared, wide eyed, at the great figure “Why are you telling me this?”
“This ring contains all the electronic wizardry needed to operate the strobing lights, and the on/off switch; it IS the one ring to rule them all! We must seek it out, and you, Frodo Blackwell, must bear the ring to its rightful destination”
“But, but, Manvers, that’s near Wath, it’s a dangerous land”
“You shall have protection young Hobbit, look” Gandalf waved his arm, the door opened, and a gowned Sean Bean stepped inside, his left hand grasping the hilt of his sword “He shall be your protector, Frodo, meet Borrowme A-player”
Borrowme stood at Frodo’s side “Fear not tubby one, I swear by me new teeth I shall protect you with my life”
“But we’re going to journey very close to Barnsley Gandalf” Frodo tremmoured “none of us can speak Dingle”
“Worry not; meet the elf, Leg-o-less Robbins, and the dwarf Gimli Bird”
“Si Thi” said Robbins, Gimli, wringing his best hankie, with a tear in his eye said “Can ah just seh, wot a reyt ‘onour it is ter come wi thi on thi quest”
“So, how many so far” asked Gandalf, Gimli waved his arm from side to side and said “Fower!”
“Hmmm, for a fellowship, we need…” Gimli pointed his first fingers in the air and shouted “SIX”
“Yes, quite, so it seems that I must get my hands dirty and join you, but that leaves us one short…”
A staff rapped at the suite door BANG! BANG! SMASHHHH! “Sorry lads, sorry lads, I thought it were stronger than that, if yer get me a dustpan and brush I’ll clean this glass up. ‘Ello I’m Howard Wilkinson, I understand yer need some ‘elp?”
“What brings you Howard?”
“Mi push bike”
“We’ve done that gag”
“Sorry, sorry. I owe a great debt ter this nation, abaht five ‘undred thousand quid, so I thought the least I could do would be ter ‘elp out at a time like this”
“This then is our fellowship; let us take our first steps on our quest, quickly now the X90 leaves Pond Street in fifteen minutes”
“Gandalf, what does this ‘ring to rule them all’ look like?” asked Frodo.
“It is a great, beautiful, golden hoop; almost eight feet in diameter, fashioned from the finest Perspex China can produce”
“Eight Feet! How am I going to carry THAT?”
“Simple young Frodo, around your waist”
