donny match on telly or mate's wedding?

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Never mind all this talk of weddings and watching football matches Derrywan ...... I've got a fookin shed to build. Get this sen across on Sat-di n elp me art. My landlord will give you a packet of pork scratchings, 7 skittles, 3 peanuts M&M's and a sherbut dip. Wats da se? :D
 



derrywan said:
just stating the facts. I've been to almost 20 weddings in 3 years, and frankly can only differentiate them now by quality of food and extent of free booze. I think the fact that I'm going at all shows I'm not entirely reckless as to my reproductive health. Surely turning up and being in a couple of photos is all that should be expected in such circumstances? and eating the dinner of course.
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I meant to put a ;) on the end of my post!

Seriously though, it might be your umpteenth wedding you have attended but for them it is their first (or second...) and it is important to them. Having you there is also,presumably, important to them. You can watch the Blades day in and day out if you want to.
Just a thought.
 
derrywan said:
Right - I'm back in Sheffield for a wedding this saturday at Cutlers Hall. If it were your wedding, and you were good friends with my wife really more than me, would you care/ even notice if I were to excuse myself from the festivities for an hour or two to watch Blades match in a nearby boozer?

And a 2nd question, how soon before kick off should I tell my mrs that I'm off for a couple of hours? They're all her mates more than mine anyway ...

(n.b. it'll probably just be the speeches by kick off)
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I said in no uncertain terms when the now Hell sent bitch's father got married (the last time round) that I was going to watch Harlequins at Rotherham instead. It was also a day when United were at home too (5-3 v Cardiff). I tuned up eventually, absolutely hammered with no other request than to drink more beer.

That's the way to do it properly.

As for your dilemma, I'd leave it until the last minute before getting a severe case of typhus which can only be cured by moving to 'a different room'. Keep up texts for two hours and you'll be fine.

---------- Post added at 01:25 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:21 AM ----------
Ollessendro said:
Never mind all this talk of weddings and watching football matches Derrywan ...... I've got a fookin shed to build. Get this sen across on Sat-di n elp me art. My landlord will give you a packet of pork scratchings, 7 skittles, 3 peanuts M&M's and a sherbut dip. Wats da se? :D
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What are the odds of your mate's predict-o-meter saying that I'd get a purple Skittle? If the odds are short, I might turn up!
 
These bowel based plans are fine, but how about a win-win for the little lady. If you are staying in a hotel nearby, just drop a hint or two to your beloved that you should nip back to the hotel for a romantic encounter. "I'm really horny, lets go do it" should be fine. The when back at the room, put the telly on "I'll last a lot longer if my mind is somewhere else", and off you go. Should get you half way through the first half, have a rest and go again after half time. Then you can go back to the reception in post-coital bliss; you can get to the bar, she can tell all her mates about it. Fantastic. I did something similar with the first Mrs Disorderly once, although it was only highlights on Match of the Day. A live match would be a lot more challenging, but give it a go.

You didnt say if the dear lady is also a Blade. If so, then 'doggies' would give you that double bubble of both being able to watch the game while satisfying your carnal urges...
 
I took the easy option last night and turned round and said I'm off to find somewhere to watch the match in afternoon. She weren't over the moon with me but I got the permission to disappear, I think her uncle is a Donny fan too so their won't just be me disappearing to watch the game.
 
judge said:
just get bladdered early on ,your lass will be glad to get shut of you for two hours to go and watch the match
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This isn't as bad of an idea as it may sound.
Smash some shots, down some beer, when your missus asks you to slow down, say back 'you don't know me' and walk off. Judge is right, she won't want you round for the speeches.

I'd personally go for the kebab the night before from the wicker and a fair few lagers, this should combine for the dirtiest flatulance known to man. Releasing a few of them when people are around will give you ample excuse to be sat on toilet.
 
Robbie said:
This isn't as bad of an idea as it may sound.
Smash some shots, down some beer, when your missus asks you to slow down, say back 'you don't know me' and walk off. Judge is right, she won't want you round for the speeches.
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This is by far the most plausible suggestion yet. I am given to being moody and I totally love binge drinking more than almost anything so this is entirely in character, much more so than shitting myself and ruining a perfectly good suit and worsening an already patchy reputation into the bargain ... Good work Rob
 
There is a simple solution to this. Put your foot down. Firmly. Tell her this.

"Listen here love, I'm the gaffer in this marriage, as you are no doubt well aware. After all, my little rosebud, t'was you who changed your name to mine, indicating subservience. Anyhow, I am going to sally forth in search of a public house in the immediate vicinity that will be showing The Mighty Blades on their television, and I will be engaging in the comsumption of beer at competetive prices, rather than the expensive fizzy piss they have masquerading as drink in this poncy joint.

You are free to accompany me, likewise you are free to remain here in the prescence of your friends, who to me are mere acquaintances, and either way I will not mind.
But, woman, make no attempt to sway me from my purpose, because although I abhor domestic violence in all it's forms I am not above staying in the boozer all night should you get a major strop on. Choose as you like, but I am off to watch the Blades, darling, and there's nowt you can do about it. In the long run, what does it matter if I am absent for a few hours? Fuck all, love, that's what.

Put that knife down love. Please...."

Sorted. Are you a man, or are you a big girl's blouse? Get her told.

Good luck.:D
 
Be honest with her FFS.

Just say, you've been to loads of Weddings over the past 3 years and fancy a change. Therefore, you're off to a boozer near the reception to watch the match, you'll meet her afterwards. If she doesn't like it, tell her you love her dearly, but she's a big girl now and they are her friends and you hardly know them. So you're watching the match, it's only for 2 hours anyway.

You have to be sympathetic but firm. I got away with the Sister-In-Law's wedding on Match day. They understood as did the Mrs after I was truthful.
 
Or do what i did, and go down the Divorce route.

A few months ago i was told that my attendance would be required at a Wedding tomorrow, irregardless of whom Sheffield United was playing and leave was to be obtained at work, and the best thing was it was someone i don't paticularly like, getting married to someone who quite frankly think is a bit of a knob.

The happy upshot is that tomorrow whilst these nupitals are taking place, my presence is no longer required which means that at 1 o'clock i can be on a train to Doncaster, spend the rest of the day boozing and watching Sheffield United, and then head back in to Sheffield at night to drink some more alcohol before retiring to bed in the early hours safe in the knowledge i've not been bored off my tits, been told off for spending too much time on my phone and won't have been forced to have been nice to a couple of people i don't really like but have to pretend i do to placate a spouse.
 
Anyone in touch with the lad to see which strategy he's employing and how it's going?
 
I adopted an honest approach from the start of my relationship 3 years ago.

The girlfriend was told that United would always take priority over her. I didn't expect her to know the ins and outs of rules, just to keep up with the scores and results. This was for her benefit as she would be able to gauge the mood i'd be in.

To start with she saw this as a bit of fun. But she has learnt and she deals with it. Whilst I get to go to as many games as I want, regardless of other so called priorities. I get her a fixture list for her purse and she has apps on her iphone so she is always in touch with the scores.

It works, but I had to implement it from day one.

I also get free reign to get hammered too as beer was also a priority over her.
 



its half time. i think the decision is simple. mates wedding. (hope i eat my words)
 
Derrywan, I hope you didn't shit yourself and get served with divorce papers over that one! (Sorry Dunc had to nick this one off you!)
 
So the choice was to be stuck at a wedding with people you barely know or watch a Blades team perform as if they barely know each other.
 
Grecian2000 said:
When are we on telly again?

If someone knows can they pass it on so I can find a fucking wedding to go to.
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Palace at home on November 20th, aren't we? No doubt it will be shite, but it's a perfect excuse to roll into town on the lash after. BDTBL, don't you just love it.

UTB
 
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