Brooksy's Illness

[Sean Thornton]

Thank you for the above information, which I take to mean that I should expect a visit from Big. Vern.

However, before he embarks on such a venture, I think he should be advised that, whilst he and his bunch of ragamuffins may have had some minor successes in the Park Hotel back in the '80's, he wil find the stable hands and gamekeepers here at Joeshaw Manor a different bucket of oysters altogether.

They are patrolling the grounds as I write, and have asked me to let him know that they are keenly looking forward to his visit.

The Crab

Looks like we'll be able to stock the "chicken"and "beef"chillers up tomorrow after all. With a bit of luck, our French subsidiary with be able to use the la viande de cheval at the Crabe Heureux.

 

[The Crab]

The Crab

Looks like we'll be able to stock the "chicken"and "beef"chillers up tomorrow after all. With a bit of luck, our French subsidiary with be able to use the la viande de cheval at the Crabe Heureux.

Mange tout Sean, Mange tout.

 

[The Crab]

This should have come as no surprise. Had you kept up with the narrative which has been running for sometime on this and other forums, you would have been aware that any goods or services with the word ' crab' in their name, should be treated with extreme caution, including their omelettes.

This is due to the fact that, in a short space of time, they have gone from being the very epitome of a well run company of the highest integrity, providing the highest standards of quality and customer service, to one whose practices can be described as dubious, to say the least.

This is as a result of the fact that the Chairman and founder of the group found it impossible to cope with the massive success which the company at first enjoyed and found it necessary to employ certain individuals whose moral standards leave much to be desired and who are driven solely by the profit motive, rather than the virtues mentioned above.

Such has been their fall from grace that it is widely rumoured that the Chairman is about to ' do a Woolhouse ' which would be a sad loss , given his obvious entrepreneurial talents which our country is sadly deficient in.

We were the epitome of a well run company? When was that then? The "dubious" thing I can understand although it's not the prettiest of words.

I'm not sure I'd agree with "impossible to cope", To be fair, to expedite the advancement of Crab Industries, it has been necessary to undertake many fact finding trips. These have been challenging in terms of time management (and on one occasion the Chateau Lafite being the wrong temperature) so it was necessary to headhunt the best people that budget would allow. elgoog44 is my trusted right hand (ooh matron), I'm grateful to Sean Thornton for taking time from being Scott Mcabe to offer me sage counsel, and who can forget the contribution of stringjunior and his advice on what we can call "meat" and get away with it. Countless others on here have contributed and made Crab Industries what it is today (what I'm saying is it's not my fault).

A few months ago when the pressure got too much I did do a Woolhouse. Unfortunately due to cash flow issues it wasn't possible to go to sunnier climes. I ended up in IdLiketoRogerMoore 's static caravan at Chapel St Leonards and became addicted to Prize Bingo. But I'm sure you will be delighted to know that I am now mentally refreshed and fighting fit, ready to lead Crab Industries into 2018.

 

[The Crab]

Our PR department deals with Pet Reclamation.

How the fuck else do they think we manage to do the Meat Surprise Chef's Special down at The Happy Crab so cheaply?

 

[Blade56]

This is from NHS Choices:-

See a GP if you have:

• a very high temperature or you feel hot and shivery
• a severe sore throat
• swelling either side of your neck - swollen glands
• extreme tiredness or exhaustion
• tonsillitis that isn't getting better

These are glandular fever symptoms. You don't usually get glandular fever more than once.

Well I wake up with a swollen gland nearly every morning

 

[The Crab]

It's totally irrelevant. Liverpool have already paid 576 million for him and they don't care whether he has the plague. Wilder's getting none of the money and McCabe has just put a down payment on a yacht moored somewhere off Saudi Arabia.
End of thread.

Don't be fucking ridiculous. The Yacht's in Monaco.

 

[The Crab]

I ate a load of crab omelette at Cosmo and was sick for a day a few months back.

Fucking hell, it's always the Crab that gets the blame

 

[The Crab]

It’s no surprise that Crab Indusries has gone down the shitter.

The bloke at the top is rumoured to spend all his time ‘dicking around’ on an Internet forum rather than concentrating on his business.

That's a scurrilous accusation. True, but scurrilous.

 

[The Crab]

"....Such has been their fall from grace that it is widely rumoured that the Chairman is about to ' do a Woolhouse ' which would be a sad loss , given his obvious entrepreneurial talents which our country is sadly deficient in...."

Worse than that, I heard he wants to "do a Hashimi......."

This is one of those "Copthorne" things that starts rumours isn't it? Well I'll put this one to bed. Yes, I was seen with LYDON having Afternoon tea in Atkinsons. But I can categorically state this has almost nothing to do with me "doing a Hashimi"

 

[IdLiketoRogerMoore]

We were the epitome of a well run company? When was that then? The "dubious" thing I can understand although it's not the prettiest of words.

I'm not sure I'd agree with "impossible to cope", To be fair, to expedite the advancement of Crab Industries, it has been necessary to undertake many fact finding trips. These have been challenging in terms of time management (and on one occasion the Chateau Lafite being the wrong temperature) so it was necessary to headhunt the best people that budget would allow. elgoog44 is my trusted right hand (ooh matron), I'm grateful to Sean Thornton for taking time from being Scott Mcabe to offer me sage counsel, and who can forget the contribution of stringjunior and his advice on what we can call "meat" and get away with it. Countless others on here have contributed and made Crab Industries what it is today (what I'm saying is it's not my fault).

A few months ago when the pressure got too much I did do a Woolhouse. Unfortunately due to cash flow issues it wasn't possible to go to sunnier climes. I ended up in IdLiketoRogerMoore 's static caravan at Chapel St Leonards and became addicted to Prize Bingo. But I'm sure you will be delighted to know that I am now mentally refreshed and fighting fit, ready to lead Crab Industries into 2018.

I've been meaning to raise that with you. Some of the stains you left behind in the upholstery in the static caravan aren't coming out. What the hell did you and Big Vern do in there? It looks like you murdered a horse or something?

 

[freddyp]

Not a joking matter this glandular fever. I once had a bad bout, lost consciousness, woke up at Everton.

 

[Sean Thornton]

I've been meaning to raise that with you. Some of the stains you left behind in the upholstery in the static caravan aren't coming out. What the hell did you and Big Vern do in there? It looks like you murdered a horse or something?

It was already dead when we got there.....

 

[blade too long]

Well that’s that one put to bed eh...

you dont have to bed them , just kiss them

 

[Darthblade]

Safe bet that he'll either start the derby or it's taking longer than expected to finalise his move to Liverpool and we needed to upgrade the illness.

I can't see any reason why Chris would advertise the fact he wasn't available for the derby.

Its more likely that he's attempting to reduce the chance of another Club putting in a "tempting" offer to our staunch Board, who have an "enviable" record of fending off similar previous situations and can be relied upon to "do a Ron" and tell the enquiring Club to "do one"

UTB & FTP

 

[Esablade]

you dont have to bed them , just kiss them

Exactly.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Safe bet that he'll either start the derby or it's taking longer than expected to finalise his move to Liverpool and we needed to upgrade the illness.

I can't see any reason why Chris would advertise the fact he wasn't available for the derby.

What odds would you give?

 

[The Crab]

I've been meaning to raise that with you. Some of the stains you left behind in the upholstery in the static caravan aren't coming out. What the hell did you and Big Vern do in there? It looks like you murdered a horse or something?

Well, it wasn't a horse. I mean, we didn't think so when we'd been drinking in the club. Once the beer goggles came off we had to get rid of the evidence. Unfortunately, Vern took this literally. I just meant give her the Taxi fare and tell her to bugger off.

 

[The Crab]

you dont have to bed them , just kiss them

I felt obliged, she did pay for the Chips after all.

 

[blade too long]

I've been meaning to raise that with you. Some of the stains you left behind in the upholstery in the static caravan aren't coming out. What the hell did you and Big Vern do in there? It looks like you murdered a horse or something?

 

[The Crab]

These are toy cows, the ones outside, far away.

 

[grafikhaus]

This is from NHS Choices:-

See a GP if you have:

• a very high temperature or you feel hot and shivery
• a severe sore throat
• swelling either side of your neck - swollen glands
• extreme tiredness or exhaustion
• tonsillitis that isn't getting better

These are glandular fever symptoms. You don't usually get glandular fever more than once.

Sounds like me on Boxing Day!

I’m really impressed by the high number of medical practitioners who are members of this forum.

Oh, we're and informed lot on here. Back in June we were all experts on cladding for high-rise buildings.

 

[Hamburg Blade]

Its more likely that he's attempting to reduce the chance of another Club putting in a "tempting" offer to our staunch Board, who have an "enviable" record of fending off similar previous situations and can be relied upon to "do a Ron" and tell the enquiring Club to "do one"

UTB & FTP

I'm afraid this is a conspiracy too far. The idea that the club, our very down-to-earth, straight speaking manager and the player, in fact all the players, are concocting bizarre medical fictions to disuade clubs from making bids, or more bizarre, that the manager and players are doing it to prevent our own board from accepting an offer, belongs in the flat earthers thread.

 

[Eyeball]

We were the epitome of a well run company? When was that then? The "dubious" thing I can understand although it's not the prettiest of words.

I'm not sure I'd agree with "impossible to cope", To be fair, to expedite the advancement of Crab Industries, it has been necessary to undertake many fact finding trips. These have been challenging in terms of time management (and on one occasion the Chateau Lafite being the wrong temperature) so it was necessary to headhunt the best people that budget would allow. elgoog44 is my trusted right hand (ooh matron), I'm grateful to Sean Thornton for taking time from being Scott Mcabe to offer me sage counsel, and who can forget the contribution of stringjunior and his advice on what we can call "meat" and get away with it. Countless others on here have contributed and made Crab Industries what it is today (what I'm saying is it's not my fault).

A few months ago when the pressure got too much I did do a Woolhouse. Unfortunately due to cash flow issues it wasn't possible to go to sunnier climes. I ended up in IdLiketoRogerMoore 's static caravan at Chapel St Leonards and became addicted to Prize Bingo. But I'm sure you will be delighted to know that I am now mentally refreshed and fighting fit, ready to lead Crab Industries into 2018.

Absolutely brilliant

 

[Darthblade]

I'm afraid this is a conspiracy too far. The idea that the club, our very down-to-earth, straight speaking manager and the player, in fact all the players, are concocting bizarre medical fictions to disuade clubs from making bids, or more bizarre, that the manager and players are doing it to prevent our own board from accepting an offer, belongs in the flat earthers thread.

Maybe you're correct mate

But if I was Tufty and I REALLY didn't want to lose Brooksy ........ and I'm fully aware of the dreadful reputation and past track record of SUFC Boards .......

I might just be tempted to say " now then Brooksy lad ..... your tonsillitis just got re-classified as something much worse and you're really poorly ...... too poorly to pass a medical ... wink wink !!

Is that any more far-fetched than "Beattie flu" or "Harry's sunstroke" ??

UTB & FTP

 

[Isaw Joeshaw]

For the attention of Crab Industries Ltd.

Following last night's visit from your representatives, the following items were today recovered from the moat here at Joeshaw Manor :-

1 no. Baseball bat

1 no. T shirt bearing the legend " BBC. - OAP SECTION "

2 no. Pairs of men's underwear, predominantly brown in colour

3 no. Sets of false teeth

2 no. Wigs

As my Estate Manager astutely remarked " I know they've got cash flow problems, but I didn't think they'd send Dad's Fucking Army "

These items may be collected in person in the next 30 days from my Head of Security, failing which they will be put on display in our Museum of Mirth, which is proving to be very popular with our visitors.

 

[Sean Thornton]

For the attention of Crab Industries Ltd.

Following last night's visit from your representatives, the following items were today recovered from the moat here at Joeshaw Manor :-

1 no. Baseball bat

1 no. T shirt bearing the legend " BBC. - OAP SECTION "

2 no. Pairs of men's underwear, predominantly brown in colour

3 no. Sets of false teeth

2 no. Wigs

As my Estate Manager astutely remarked " I know they've got cash flow problems, but I didn't think they'd send Dad's Fucking Army "

These items may be collected in person in the next 30 days from my Head of Security, failing which they will be put on display in our Museum of Mirth, which is proving to be very popular with our visitors.

Poor old ISJS . In reality he's banged up in a cell on Shutter Island masturbating continuously, thinking he's living in a mansion with staff.