Sean the Blade
Member
I saw, somewhere, someone suggesting Blackwell should go for the Villa job. This was so ludicrous, I thought "what if..."
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As KB trudged across the training field, towards the gaggle of players who were chatting and skylarking amongst themselves, a couple of players were juggling footballs, playing ‘keepy-uppy’.
“Nice control lads, you’ll be needing that later… in your careers”
The players exchanged glances amongst themselves “Okay, you probably know who I am, I haven’t a clue who any of you are. I don’t care who you are, big-name or no-name I don’t care, all I’m interested in is this” he holds up a football “and how far you can kick it”
The players now exchanged puzzled glances amongst themselves “Now I know that some of you may question my methods, that’s fine, some of you may question my tactics, that’s fine too. This is a brand new start at this club, I’ve got a book full of excuses, so no matter how dire our performance, I’ve got an excuse for it. Just do as you’re told and you’re in with a shout of first team football”
“Now, these are going to be our tactics for our next game. I want you Heskey, to stay in the opposition box regardless. I don’t care where the play is at, you stay in their box okay?”
“Yes boss”
“The rest of you, I want you on the edge of the box…”
“Won’t that leave us short at the back, just Brad Friedel on his own?”
“Sorry, you mis-understood, I want you all on the edge of OUR box, the key to winning in this league is not conceding goals. Going forward I want you, Stephen Ireland, to be ready to sprint forward to support Heskey, when he limps off the field! During the periods of treatment I want us to maintain our shape, keeping a 9-0-0 formation”
“Isn’t that a bit negative boss”
“Yes it is, but, I went to school, I did my maths, and I know that two negatives make a positive. We play thirty eight games season, which is an even number, so all in all we should end up on the positive side. I’m applying science here boys, trust me!”
At the mention of ‘science’ and ‘maths’ most players eyes glazed over “alright boss, whatever you say!”
Soon the training ground rang to the incessant thumping of footballs over long distances, with the occasional thump as Heskey tumbled to the ground after being felled by rather large, if imaginary, defenders. Blackwell sat on the sidelines, closed his eyes and took in the music of hoof-ball “Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!” he heard chanting “KEVIN, wake up, you’ve got to go and sign-on today love, get yourself out of bed. Come on!”
“Okay darling” he excitedly said to his long (ball) suffering wife “No time for that, I’ve got a letter to write. Where’s my green crayon and lined paper!?”
“Dear Mr Lerner….”
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As KB trudged across the training field, towards the gaggle of players who were chatting and skylarking amongst themselves, a couple of players were juggling footballs, playing ‘keepy-uppy’.
“Nice control lads, you’ll be needing that later… in your careers”
The players exchanged glances amongst themselves “Okay, you probably know who I am, I haven’t a clue who any of you are. I don’t care who you are, big-name or no-name I don’t care, all I’m interested in is this” he holds up a football “and how far you can kick it”
The players now exchanged puzzled glances amongst themselves “Now I know that some of you may question my methods, that’s fine, some of you may question my tactics, that’s fine too. This is a brand new start at this club, I’ve got a book full of excuses, so no matter how dire our performance, I’ve got an excuse for it. Just do as you’re told and you’re in with a shout of first team football”
“Now, these are going to be our tactics for our next game. I want you Heskey, to stay in the opposition box regardless. I don’t care where the play is at, you stay in their box okay?”
“Yes boss”
“The rest of you, I want you on the edge of the box…”
“Won’t that leave us short at the back, just Brad Friedel on his own?”
“Sorry, you mis-understood, I want you all on the edge of OUR box, the key to winning in this league is not conceding goals. Going forward I want you, Stephen Ireland, to be ready to sprint forward to support Heskey, when he limps off the field! During the periods of treatment I want us to maintain our shape, keeping a 9-0-0 formation”
“Isn’t that a bit negative boss”
“Yes it is, but, I went to school, I did my maths, and I know that two negatives make a positive. We play thirty eight games season, which is an even number, so all in all we should end up on the positive side. I’m applying science here boys, trust me!”
At the mention of ‘science’ and ‘maths’ most players eyes glazed over “alright boss, whatever you say!”
Soon the training ground rang to the incessant thumping of footballs over long distances, with the occasional thump as Heskey tumbled to the ground after being felled by rather large, if imaginary, defenders. Blackwell sat on the sidelines, closed his eyes and took in the music of hoof-ball “Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!” he heard chanting “KEVIN, wake up, you’ve got to go and sign-on today love, get yourself out of bed. Come on!”
“Okay darling” he excitedly said to his long (ball) suffering wife “No time for that, I’ve got a letter to write. Where’s my green crayon and lined paper!?”
“Dear Mr Lerner….”
