Funny Matchday Stories

[coaxingstar71]

Bit of light relief.....

Apologies if it's been done before. I was reading one of the threads and it reminded me of a couple of amusing moments at game I've been to.

1. On the kop v QPR on New Years Day 1991 - QPR were defending the goal at the kop end and the play was at the Bramall Lane end, so there was the usual quiet as we all tried to work out what was going on down the other end, while their keeper patrolled the edge of his area. A lad a couple of rows back suddenly said in a really gormy voice, "Eh wunt it be funny if their goalie died?".

2. Kop again v Leeds earlier that season in September 1990 - they well beat us 2-0 and after their 2nd goal went in, their fans in the Bramall Lane end were understandably going nuts while a deathly hush fell over the kop, punctuated by a despairing lone voice who shouted 'Shurrup!'. Strangely the Leeds fans didn't hear the poor lad and they carried on their party.

I realise those aren't that funny, but some of you must have some really good ones....

 

[Northyorksblade]

Sometime, you just have to have been there

My funniest was at Grimsby and four lads behind us were singing 'Five jellyfish, sitting on a rock and one fell off' See you had to be there

 

[Barney]

Streaker ran on the pitch at BDTBL (forgot date and opposition), with stewards quite clearly avoiding the default rugby tackle...

 

[TJB.]

After the dismal play-off final against Hudds, our coach stopped off at Watford Gap for food and the like. The queue for McDonalds was huge, and the staff took forever to give us (me and a friend) our order. As a result, we emerged from the service station with our crap grub to find our coach had departed without us. We decided the best course of action was to blag a lift back to Sheffield, with no Blades cars whatsoever in sight. We ended up persuading two Hudds fans to take us with them and drop us off at the Meadowhall junction.

At the time, yer coach leaving without you after another shite performance at Wembley was a nightmare, but in retrospect it was pretty funny. The Hudds fans to be fair to them were a sound pair and without them we would've been royally fucked. I wrote a letter to their local paper to thank them and they printed it.

The moral of this story...never eat McDonalds.

 

[coaxingstar71]

Streaker ran on the pitch at BDTBL (forgot date and opposition), with stewards quite clearly avoiding the default rugby tackle...

Typical that we'd get an ugly bloke streaker at the Lane

 

[Jehovah]

I remember at one game smashing judge face in. It was the best day.

 

[William Henry Foulkes]

For info there are a couple of books
Blades Tales
www.amazon.co.uk/Blades-Tales-Collection-Anecdotes-Supporting/dp/1872204708
and Blades Tales 2
www.amazon.co.uk/Blades-Tales-Collection-Anecdotes-Supporting/dp/187220421X

 

[coaxingstar71]

After the dismal play-off final against Hudds, our coach stopped off at Watford Gap for food and the like. The queue for McDonalds was huge, and the staff took forever to give us (me and a friend) our order. As a result, we emerged from the service station with our crap grub to find our coach had departed without us. We decided the best course of action was to blag a lift back to Sheffield, with no Blades cars whatsoever in sight. We ended up persuading two Hudds fans to take us with them and drop us off at the Meadowhall junction.

At the time, yer coach leaving without you after another shite performance at Wembley was a nightmare, but in retrospect it was pretty funny. The Hudds fans to be fair to them were a sound pair and without them we would've been royally fucked. I wrote a letter to their local paper to thank them and they printed it.

The moral of this story...never eat McDonalds.

That must rate as one of the worst play off experiences...

Lose play off final in those circumstances, McDonalds, have to spend the journey home in the company of the opposition fans - suicidal stuff.

 

[raul]

We're all just waiting for brownie really aren't we?

 

[billyblademan]

That must rate as one of the worst play off experiences...

Lose play off final in those circumstances, McDonalds, have to spend the journey home in the company of the opposition fans - suicidal stuff.

Yep, I got driven back up with Huddersfield fans that day. Never has the M1 seemed longer.

 

[HighfieldBlade]

Streaker ran on the pitch at BDTBL (forgot date and opposition), with stewards quite clearly avoiding the default rugby tackle...

I remember the female streaker who ran from the kop over to Bassett in the dugout. So long ago now, I can't remember who we were playing or anything.

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

Scunthorpe, the old ground. BBC getting the runaround on their end, by a small, fat lass. None of them could fight back for laughing.

 

[AlienBlade]

Funniest memory I have is when we were all locked in the ground after the Leeds game (we smashed them 4-0 if memory serves hillarious in its own right) we were in so long that the players had come back out to do a post match warm down and with the fans all singing "lets all have a party" Kozzy started busting some moves whilst supposingly warming down....

 

[Jon Bon]

Leicester away, May 1990. We'd just got promoted and then found out the pigs had been relegated. I'm still pissing myself now all these years later. Matchday just doesn't get any funnier than that...

 

[Geordie Blade]

I remember the female streaker who ran from the kop over to Bassett in the dugout. So long ago now, I can't remember who we were playing or anything.

It was against Aston Villa. She kissed Tony Agana on the cheek (he looked sheepish, to say the least) who was on the bench, making his comeback from injury. Brian Deane was running with the ball when she ran onto the pitch, and he looked pretty annoyed.

Deano's worst five SUFC moments:
1. Leaving for Leeds
2. Not marking Mark Bright on that corner
3. Leaving for Benfica
4. Getting mildly annoyed with a topless streaker
5. Scoring against us for Leeds

 

[GRUMPY BLADE]

After the dismal play-off final against Hudds, our coach stopped off at Watford Gap for food and the like. The queue for McDonalds was huge, and the staff took forever to give us (me and a friend) our order. As a result, we emerged from the service station with our crap grub to find our coach had departed without us. We decided the best course of action was to blag a lift back to Sheffield, with no Blades cars whatsoever in sight. We ended up persuading two Hudds fans to take us with them and drop us off at the Meadowhall junction.

At the time, yer coach leaving without you after another shite performance at Wembley was a nightmare, but in retrospect it was pretty funny. The Hudds fans to be fair to them were a sound pair and without them we would've been royally fucked. I wrote a letter to their local paper to thank them and they printed it.

The moral of this story...never eat McDonalds.

Shouldn't you be in the twats thread?

 

[Trigger Blade]

It was against Aston Villa. She kissed Tony Agana on the cheek (he looked sheepish, to say the least) who was on the bench, making his comeback from injury. Brian Deane was running with the ball when she ran onto the pitch, and he looked pretty annoyed.

We'd won something like eight games in a row and the front page of the Green 'Un is my second favourite after "Blades Glory, *wls Down". It has a picture of Deano with the ball at his feet, with the streaker to one side of him and the headline "Winning Streak".

It was Trig Jnr (TY)'s first ever game and all he could talk about when we got home was how big the ground was and how it was loud and there were lots of people there (he was 6 at the time). All I could think about was erect nipples The whole day out eventually became an article in Flashing Blade.

 

[HighfieldBlade]

5. Scoring against us for Leeds

Yes, I seem to remember him tearing down the touchline in celebration, arms out wide. I got the impression he enjoyed it.

 

[Guesty]

I remember the female streaker who ran from the kop over to Bassett in the dugout. So long ago now, I can't remember who we were playing or anything.

I remember one a few years later, a night match against Stoke. If memory serves we won 1-0 (Carl Tiler scored). I think Naseem Hamed was introduced to the crowd at half time, too.

 

[Sothall_Blade]

Not so much "funny matchday stories" as "Unusual questions/comments that had you stumped for a response":-

Fan X: “Where are Shrewsbury in the League”? (Shortly before we played Shrewsbury in the opening match of the season)
SB: “Just below us on alphabetical order”

Fan X: “I know Gillingham are top of the league but I still thought we’d beat them”
SB: “Well yes but you realise they’re only top of the league because they beat us?”

 

[Silent Blade]

I remember one a few years later, a night match against Stoke. If memory serves we won 1-0 (Carl Tiler scored). I think Naseem Hamed was introduced to the crowd at half time, too.

Yes in April 1997, Jan Aage Fjortoft grabbed hold of the streaker and handed her over to the stewards

 

[blade.i.am]

Remember going to Boothferry Park when Budgie was in goal. Entertained the away fans before kick off with a warm up routine that included some suggestive press ups. Considerably more entertaining than the 0-0 that followed

 

[oaklandrdblade]

Leicester away, May 1990. We'd just got promoted and then found out the pigs had been relegated. I'm still pissing myself now all these years later. Matchday just doesn't get any funnier than that...

Our van broke down on the way back just north of Nottingham, we had some lads on top of the van pretending to surf whilst others were in the fast lane saluting the Luton fans for their role in relegating them. Got back home, lived deep in the wrong side of the city at the time and just smiled all night, never gave them any verbals at all and that wound them up even more.

 

[mattbianco1]

Streaker ran on the pitch at BDTBL (forgot date and opposition), with stewards quite clearly avoiding the default rugby tackle...

Female?

Vs. Stoke City, night game? Friday 25th april 1997

 

[coaxingstar71]

Not so much "funny matchday stories" as "Unusual questions/comments that had you stumped for a response":-

Fan X: “Where are Shrewsbury in the League”? (Shortly before we played Shrewsbury in the opening match of the season)
SB: “Just below us on alphabetical order”

Fan X: “I know Gillingham are top of the league but I still thought we’d beat them”
SB: “Well yes but you realise they’re only top of the league because they beat us?”

Seriously? They are up there with my step-daughter who asked "Would Elvis still be alive if he hadn't died?".

 

[Tyler Durden]

Grimsby Town away Feb 2002:

Our van skidded on ice and hit a roundabout, knackering the front end.

We eventually got to Cleethorpes and decided to have a kickabout on the beach. Then a patient at a nearby residential home came and joined us, he was mad as a box of frogs and shouted racist jokes at the top of his voice whilst we tried to make it look like he wasn't with us. He then fell over and had an asthma attack so we had to call an ambulance.

Got inside the ground, which was fucking freezing so I got a Bovril to warm up.I was sat supping my drink and reading the programme just before kick off when Paul Peschisolido's stray practice shot whacked my hand, which dislocated my middle finger and also caused me to spill red hot Bovril on my bollocks.
I had to snap my finger back into place, in the freezing cold, whilst already in agony from the scalded scrotum situation.

We dominated the game but ended up losing 1-0, and at the end of the match there were scuffles in the away end between pro and anti Warnock fans.

Hung around in Cleethorpes for a bit, bought some chips, dropped them two minutes later when I slipped and fell on my arse.

Then three lads in our group started scrapping outside the arcade with some locals and the coppers told us to fuck off home. Which I thought was an excellent idea.

I'm never going back.

 

[coaxingstar71]

Grimsby Town away Feb 2002:

Our van skidded on ice and hit a roundabout, knackering the front end.

We eventually got to Cleethorpes and decided to have a kickabout on the beach. Then a patient at a nearby residential home came and joined us, he was mad as a box of frogs and shouted racist jokes at the top of his voice whilst we tried to make it look like he wasn't with us. He then fell over and had an asthma attack so we had to call an ambulance.

Got inside the ground, which was fucking freezing so I got a Bovril to warm up.I was sat supping my drink and reading the programme just before kick off when Paul Peschisolido's stray practice shot whacked my hand, which dislocated my middle finger and also caused me to spill red hot Bovril on my bollocks.
I had to snap my finger back into place, in the freezing cold, whilst already in agony from the scalded scrotum situation.

We dominated the game but ended up losing 1-0, and at the end of the match there were scuffles in the away end between pro and anti Warnock fans.

Hung around in Cleethorpes for a bit, bought some chips, dropped them two minutes later when I slipped and fell on my arse.

Then three lads in our group started scrapping outside the arcade with some locals and the coppers told us to fuck off home. Which I thought was an excellent idea.

I'm never going back.

Not to mention the smell!

 

[Northyorksblade]

Grimsby Town away Feb 2002:

Our van skidded on ice and hit a roundabout, knackering the front end.

We eventually got to Cleethorpes and decided to have a kickabout on the beach. Then a patient at a nearby residential home came and joined us, he was mad as a box of frogs and shouted racist jokes at the top of his voice whilst we tried to make it look like he wasn't with us. He then fell over and had an asthma attack so we had to call an ambulance.

Got inside the ground, which was fucking freezing so I got a Bovril to warm up.I was sat supping my drink and reading the programme just before kick off when Paul Peschisolido's stray practice shot whacked my hand, which dislocated my middle finger and also caused me to spill red hot Bovril on my bollocks.
I had to snap my finger back into place, in the freezing cold, whilst already in agony from the scalded scrotum situation.

We dominated the game but ended up losing 1-0, and at the end of the match there were scuffles in the away end between pro and anti Warnock fans.

Hung around in Cleethorpes for a bit, bought some chips, dropped them two minutes later when I slipped and fell on my arse.

Then three lads in our group started scrapping outside the arcade with some locals and the coppers told us to fuck off home. Which I thought was an excellent idea.

I'm never going back.

I like Grimsby

 

[SK10Blade]

Sandwich board man walking down John Street with message "prepare to meet thy God" Three girls in Bay City Rollers gear screamed "Bloody Hell, Tony Currie's coming"
Perhaps you had to be there.

 

[Trigger Blade]

On the old away end at Plough lane in 1991 I think (John Fashanu's handball x 2, the second of which the ref didn't give, I'm sure he couldn't believe it had happened twice, so ignored it).

There was a food kiosk at the top of the open banking and a fellow Blade, in a reasonably advanced state of refreshment, approached the kiosk and asked for a beefburger. The kiosk was completely out of food and the girl behind the counter, in a spirit of trying to be constructive said, "Sorry, I've only got Fanta", to which our fellow Blade said "OK, I'll have a Fantaburger then please"

That's 24 years ago, I'll always remember it and I wish I had that quickness of wit sober, let alone hammered