International break jokes to keep us amused.

[Chingo]

 

[Chingo]

 

[Chingo]

 

[Bearlie]

Just for you Bearlie.

Brilliant pal cheers

 

[Blade.com]

Said to the wife; “I’ve just put vacuum cleaner on Ebay”.
“Why?.
“ It was just stood there collecting dust”.

 

[Alan Birchenall's hair]

The oldies are the beset but here goes.....
Walking through the town centre last Saturday, and an Oxford fan asked me the way to Hillsboro. I pointed him towards Penistone Road and told him to just follow the crowd. Apparently, he ended up in B and Q.....
Went in the Owls shop and saw '100 great Wednesday goals' priced at £200.00. Told the bloke behind the counter that I thought that was a bit steep. 'Yeah' he said, 'But its £1 for the video and £199 for the betamax player.
I'm here all week.....

 

[Alan Birchenall's hair]

Carlton Palmer won more England caps than Tony Currie. Yes really! Get that needle and cotton out to stitch up your sides.....

 

[Alan Birchenall's hair]

Another oldie...
Slav and Darren Moore interviewed before the season on Radio Shef.

Interviewer - 'Whats your main aim for this season Darren?'
Daz - 'I think we have to avoid relegation to League 2'
Interviewer - 'And what's your aim Slav?'
Slav - 'We're gonna win the league by 20 points, plus win the F.A Cup and the Carabao Cup'
Interviewer - 'Isn't that a bit silly and far-fetched?'
Slav (pointing at Daz) - 'Well he started it.....'

 

[Northernsoulblade]

Bloke in fitzalan square was sprinkling some white powder about I said whats tha doin he said it keeps elephants away I sez there’s no elephants in Sheffield he says I know fuckin good stuff in it I get mi coat

 

[Karaoke Blade]

What do Michael Jackson and Bailey Peacock-Farrell have in common?

They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

 

[blade67]

The bride and groom are persuaded to play a game of Mr and Mrs as part of the best man's speech. So she leaves the room and he's asked 5 questions, the last being, where is the most embarrassing place you've had sex, to which he answers " on the washing machine" to much hilarity.

She comes back in and when it gets to the final question, she blushes and says she can't answer it's too embarrassing.

The husband says, don't worry I've already told them.

So she says " ok, up my bum".

 

[Greystones Blade]

In the S Times Business News last week…

a priest, a vicar and a rabbit go to the blood transfusion centre to give blood…the priest says I’m a Type A, the vicar says I’m a Type B, the rabbit says I’m a Type O….

 

[Silent Blade]

Man walks to the bar and asks the barmaid "I will have Mother in Law, please!"

Barmaid; WHAT??!

Man "I meant Stout and Bitter"

 

[Eddie odd legs]

There was a burglary at Hillsborough recently and at the press conference the Police Officer in charge of the resulting investigation was asked if the burglars had stolen any cups. No said the Police Officer they didn't get as far as the kitchen.

 

[ekke287]

Did you hear the one about the blind circumciser?

He got the sack.

 

[Davalon]

What do you call a rabbit living on a Lincolnshire roundabout?

Uncle Brian's dentist appointments have all been moved to November... Ha ha ha.

Brilliant.

I know it's late and I'm slow on the uptake but.....

 

[Isaw Joeshaw]

A bloke goes to see a private surgeon who says , “ What can I do for you “ ? to which the bloke replies “I want a castration “.

The surgeon says “ Are you sure about that “? and the bloke says “ Absolutely sure , I can’t wait for it so let’s just get on with it “ and the surgeon goes ahead .

Next morning , the bloke wakes up and seeing a bloke in the next bed says to him “ What you had done , mate “? to which he replies “ Circumcision “ .

“Fuck me !! - that’s the word I was looking for “!!

 

[Greasy Chap Butty]

 

[Willie Carlin]

Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill. “ If you were my husband I’d put some poison in your drink” Churchill replied “Yes Madam and If you were my wife I’d drink it”

 

[BladesOnToast]

 

[derfblade.3]

3 blokes up in front of cross eyed judge in court. Judge says to first bloke "What;s your name?" Second man says "Smith". Judge says "I wasn't talking to you". Third man says "I haven't said owt yet!"

 

[blade too long]

Man in our supermarket bought 10 crates of San Miguel 10 rfamily sized ready made Paella and 6 sombreros

Bad case of his panic buying

 

[Everblade]

"So," says the first Beekeeper, "how many bees do you have?"
"10,000" says the second.
"And how many hives have you got?" asks the first.
"10 - so 1,000 bees in each hive" says the second. "How about you?"
"Oh, I've got 20,000 bees and 10 hives, so thats 2,000 bees in each hive," says the first. "What about you?" he asks the third Beekeeper.
"Oh, I've got 10,000,000 bees," says the third beekeeper.
"10,000,000? Wow. And how many hives?"
"Oh, just one."
"10,000,000 bees in one hive?"
"Yeah. Fuck 'em, they're only bees."

 

[derfblade.3]

Little indian brave asks mum why Apache have strange names. Mum says "Well when Indian squaw gives birth they open the wigwam and the first thing they see is what the child is named, like your brother is Passing Cloud and your sister is named Running Deer" "Oh i see" says little boy. "Now any more questions Two dogs Shagging"

 

[Davalon]

Two monkeys in a bathroom.

First one goes, "Oo, oo, aah, aah"

Second one says,"just put some fucking cold in"

 

[mattbianco1]

Two monkeys in a bathroom.

First one goes, "Oo, oo, aah, aah"

Second one says,"just put some fucking cold in"

We say that to the kids if it's too hot... "it's a monkey bath"

 

[Moan? Nope-I saw Longhorn]

Tommy comes home from school

His ma says”you’re early again”

“Aye” says Tommy - “I’m in trouble again”

ma “What you been sent home for this time ?

Tom : “showing my Willy to the nursery children”

Ma: “ oh no, not again ! .............................................................................................................

“you know what Tommy, I’m not sure teaching is the career for you”

 

[BladesOnToast]

Why have all Sheffield United's dogs run away?

because we can't hold on to a lead.... (works with Wednesday as well)

 

[Chingo]

 

[Chingo]