Where do you start with the worst XI?! I've gone for a 4-4-2 formation as that's what all outdated, underperforming sides seem to use; the eagle eyed among you will spot that there are 5 midfielders but one of them is the invisible Dean Hammond so I figure we'd get away with it.
GK: Mark Howard. The most mediocre goalkeeper of a fairly poor selection: we didn't actually have any horrendous goalkeepers through the 10s but then neither did we have any good ones until Henderson joined in 2018.
RB: Darryl Westlake. Another in a line of players we signed from Walsall with high expectations and low reality. Sank quickly, last seen at Stourbridge in 2016.
DC: Neill Collins. The fact that we sank from the Championship into the quagmire of League One and couldn't get out was because our spine was poor - nowhere near as good as they thought they were. Collins' ability to deflect the blame onto his younger colleagues was impressive, his series of sub-par performances less so.
DC: Danny Higginbotham. Should have retired six months before he pitched up at the Lane; played like he already had
LB: Marcus Williams. It wasn't his fault he was shit but it was a fact. Incapable of a five yard pass; specialised in shanking clearances into touch 5 yards up the line
RM: Fabien Brandy. Dead from the neck up as evidenced by those two red cards.
MC: Michael Doyle. This will be controversial but the fact remains that while Doyle was at the Lane, we were awful.
MC: Dean Hammond. Parasite. Did lots of unseen work; so busy doing that that he did fuck all visible work...except giving away a ludicrous penalty in the 93rd minute at Old Trafford
MC: Florent Cuvelier. Promised so much, delivered so little. Permanently injured
LM: Kieran Wallace. It wasn't his fault we plucked him from non-league and dumped him into the third tier but a basic football ability would have been nice. Foxy has a video somewhere of a fantastic free-kick Wallace took.
ST: Daniel Bogdanovic. Barnsley fans were gutted when we signed him. He was shite.
ST: James Beattie. See Fabien Brandy.
Manager: "Alehouse" Micky Adams. Shades Weir for me because of the lasting damage his reign did to the club. Awful signings, alienation of our better players, the last United manager to get us relegated. A terrible legacy.
Honourable mentions (>10 apps)
Goalkeepers: Steve Simonsen (that penalty); George Long (better than many gave him credit for but the 2016 version, confidence destroyed by a combination of Neill Collins and the Kop, was pretty awful); Iain Turner (can't actually recall any performances)
Right backs: Tony McMahon (shitbag); Johannes Ertl (harsh; but post knee-knack he was terrible)
Centre backs: Nyron Nosworthy (Notworthy); David Edgar (nondescript); Cameron Carter-Vickers (unbelievable ability to take his teammates out); Paddy McCarthy (too good to train with his teammates)
Left backs: Joe Mattock
Right mids: Barry Robson (we chased him for ages and he was godawful)
Centre mids: Samir Carruthers (so much promise, so little delivered)
Left mids: David Carney (the world's neshest Australian); Martyn Woolford (the best performance he gave was his middle finger to the Kop. At least he put some effort into that)
Strikers: John Cofie (Man U paid £1,000,000 for him when he was 14!); Marcus Bent (desperation signing); Jonathan Forte; David Kitson (another with an inflated belief in long-since-departed ability); Michael Higdon (Higgopotamus); Conor Sammon (the best striker in the world when it comes to missing open goals from 4 yards)
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