There is a whiff in the air

[Digs blade]

The post on the old lady blade thread that talked about vindaloo got me thinking.

I’ve had the misfortune to sit near some seriously bad guts over the years. The type where everyone around you is saying Jesus whose let that one go whilst the culprit is sat their with a smug grin on their face knowing that nobody can prove it was them

It used to be particularly bad in the Adkins era when the monotony of the match wasn’t able to distract you from the awful whiff that seemed to linger for an eternity.

Anyone else had this “pleasure” over the years?

 

[Berlin Blade]

There is a specific type of fart that goes off around me (gangway C row 41) but I have also smelt it at loads of away games. I work in the hospitality industry so I’m not going to just put it down to ‘beer farts’ because it isn’t that. It smells like something is dying. Like gas and death and abortion and turd and egg and gone off animal. I can’t put my finger on it, and I won’t smell it for 6 months then I will go to united and smell it within 3 minutes of being sat down. I don’t understand it.

 

[jono_t2000]

The post on the old lady blade thread that talked about vindaloo got me thinking.

I’ve had the misfortune to sit near some seriously bad guts over the years. The type where everyone around you is saying Jesus whose let that one go whilst the culprit is sat their with a smug grin on their face knowing that nobody can prove it was them

It used to be particularly bad in the Adkins era when the monotony of the match wasn’t able to distract you from the awful whiff that seemed to linger for an eternity.

Anyone else had this “pleasure” over the years?

If it seems to be a common occurrence around you then I think we know who the culprit is you dirty fucker

 

[Tezza1889]

There is a specific type of fart that goes off around me (gangway C row 41) but I have also smelt it at loads of away games. I work in the hospitality industry so I’m not going to just put it down to ‘beer farts’ because it isn’t that. It smells like something is dying. Like gas and death and abortion and turd and egg and gone off animal. I can’t put my finger on it, and I won’t smell it for 6 months then I will go to united and smell it within 3 minutes of being sat down. I don’t understand it.

The one who smelt it dealt it

 

[CarlMcBlade]

Is this an international break type of thread?

 

[Cerberus Blade]

There is a specific type of fart that goes off around me (gangway C row 41) but I have also smelt it at loads of away games. I work in the hospitality industry so I’m not going to just put it down to ‘beer farts’ because it isn’t that. It smells like something is dying. Like gas and death and abortion and turd and egg and gone off animal. I can’t put my finger on it, and I won’t smell it for 6 months then I will go to united and smell it within 3 minutes of being sat down. I don’t understand it.

The common denominator seems to be you. Do you get nervous before games?

 

[Cerberus Blade]

I moved from the Kop to the South Stand so I could enjoy a better class of fart. The farts on the Kop reeked of Wetherspoon's breakfasts, or Pukka Pies and ale. On the South Stand the farts are much more cultured. I'm sure I can detect champagne and oysters, caviar, smoked salmon and lobster. It's an altogether, lighter, more fragrant, experience.

Of course, it's still frowned upon, in our society, to break wind in the company of others. But it's not the same all over the world. In the home country of our new owner, for example, it is polite to burp after a meal, it means you've enjoyed it. And if you let out a barnstorming fart after a meal in Arabic company, it is a compliment of the highest order. Remember this if you ever get to meet our Prince - and pay him your respects in this way. He will thank you for it. (And this actually, is where the relationship broke down with McCabe - McCabe just did not fart enough in his company to make Princey feel valued).

 

[raimond]

I personally just can't believe it when that sort of fart happens. How any Blade could risk us a result by not having a lucky pre-match poo is beyond me.

 

[BigBed]

I always used to go for a lucky pre match shit, but I stopped doing it, as all United were doing, was collecting it up, and putting it in a suit, and calling it "Nigel"!?

 

[1889]

The one who smelt it dealt it

He who denied it, supplied it.......

 

[Bladesman]

There is a specific type of fart that goes off around me (gangway C row 41) but I have also smelt it at loads of away games. I work in the hospitality industry so I’m not going to just put it down to ‘beer farts’ because it isn’t that. It smells like something is dying. Like gas and death and abortion and turd and egg and gone off animal. I can’t put my finger on it, and I won’t smell it for 6 months then I will go to united and smell it within 3 minutes of being sat down. I don’t understand it.

I don’t think you want be putting your finger on the source of it.

 

[HodgysBrokenThumb]

The post on the old lady blade thread that talked about vindaloo got me thinking.

I’ve had the misfortune to sit near some seriously bad guts over the years. The type where everyone around you is saying Jesus whose let that one go whilst the culprit is sat their with a smug grin on their face knowing that nobody can prove it was them

It used to be particularly bad in the Adkins era when the monotony of the match wasn’t able to distract you from the awful whiff that seemed to linger for an eternity.

Anyone else had this “pleasure” over the years?

Just for the record (as I started that thread) there is no suggestion anywhere that the lady in question has anything to do with the rather unpleasant topic of this thread. I hope she is not reading this particular thread.

 

[Blade58]

The one who smelt it dealt it

And with a name like brown tonge he’s probably tasted it an all

NB I get the username btw

 

[Jinxy1966]

He who denied it, supplied it.......

Or as they say in the posh seats......He who surveyed it purveyed it.

 

[TJB.]

He who denied it, supplied it.......

Whoever said the rhyme, did the crime

 

[Dalelane01]

Ever heard the crowd boo and wonder why ?.i know the reason now thanks to this thread .someone passed wind and they where actually saying poo

 

[Deleted member 875]

Taking the subject on another level. Howard Wilkinson has had the misfortune to get a lung full of one of my delicious air biscuits.

 

[fuerstenberger]

Today, the weather here in Germany is dark, cold and damp. I was feeling down, then I stumbled across this thread. Every post has made me laugh out loud. Thank you all, I am feeling lifted. It's why I like this forum.

 

[ElephantBlade]

Taking the subject on another level. Howard Wilkinson has had the misfortune to get a lung full of one of my delicious air biscuits.

This is the sort of content I joined this forum for.

“A lung full of one my delicious air biscuits.”

Hahaha

 

[ElephantBlade]

What a thread!!!

 

[mattbianco1]

The one who smelt it dealt it

The one who said the rhyme, did the crime

Ah crap. TomJonesBlade beat me to that

I'll sing a verse from the diarrhoea song instead...

It comes out ya bum like a bullet from a gun, diarrhoea, diarrhoea

 

[georgebernardshaw]

He who hid it, did it.....

Edit: Nowt to do with football, but I was most satisfied with a fart that I left in a revolving door at ICI Fibres at Harrogate. I stood outside for a few minutes watching the mayhem in the reception area, and was particularly pleased to see one of the receptionists hunting for an air freshener, the badge of complete success.

 

[Compound_Legend]

Time for a return of this Kop classic?

"I hear the sound of distant bums...over there...over there...
And does it smell? Like f*****g hell! Over there! Over there!"

 

[Weasel]

I have very fond memories of the time that I played a blinder in the fart department when on holiday in some swanky new and quite luxurious hotel in Rome. I had not long been seeing my girlfriend at that time, and she was a bit of a pretentious self loving twit looking back. Anyways I got in the lift with her one morning and decided to sneak a fart out. Unfortunately it was a fart from hell, and it seeped out all warm, fluffy, and full of hatred. As the door opened on the next floor down (we were on the 6th floor in memory serves me right), I hopped out at the last minute just as an elegant looking Italian couple got in, and doors closed. The look of hatred on my then darlings face as the door shut and the commotion began, had me laid on the floor almost having heart attack with my laughing. She didn't talk to me for about 2 days after and she couldn't face the Italian couple again as she said they thought it was her who had done the deed. She was truly mortified. It was one of my best though and I still have fond memories of that little beauty (fart, not the girlfriend).

 

[Scarebus]

I was worried that new Spurs stadium was going to be soulless and a bit too stainless.

Sat high up in the home end, as the smell of weed and guff rose and filled my nostrils I realised that the heart of football is still beating strong.

 

[Houston_Blade]

The post on the old lady blade thread that talked about vindaloo got me thinking.

I’ve had the misfortune to sit near some seriously bad guts over the years. The type where everyone around you is saying Jesus whose let that one go whilst the culprit is sat their with a smug grin on their face knowing that nobody can prove it was them

It used to be particularly bad in the Adkins era when the monotony of the match wasn’t able to distract you from the awful whiff that seemed to linger for an eternity.

Anyone else had this “pleasure” over the years?

My dad was dropping some awful bombs at the Burnley game, he was at it in the car on the way and then carried on through the match. I didn’t embarrass him but if he does it at another game I’ll be doing so.

The faces of the people sat near us were funny as f*ck. I just had to crease my nostrils and get on with it. Even the lad and my nephew shouted “who’s done that?” at one point, still didn’t have the heart to grass on him.

 

[northsomersetblade]

He who hid it, did it.....

Edit: Nowt to do with football, but I was most satisfied with a fart that I left in a revolving door at ICI Fibres at Harrogate. I stood outside for a few minutes watching the mayhem in the reception area, and was particularly pleased to see one of the receptionists hunting for an air freshener, the badge of complete success.

It's nice to let one go in a lift, give it a few seconds to percolate, and then step out and watch the doors shut. Timing is everything though.

 

[DifferentClass]

This thread is childish, purile... and fucking hilarious.

 

[DifferentClass]

I don’t think you want be putting your finger on the source of it.

Sadly I use Tesco Value toilet paper so I'm always doing so

 

[JOEYDEE]

Time for a return of this Kop classic?

"I hear the sound of distant bums...over there...over there...
And does it smell? Like f*****g hell! Over there! Over there!"

Ah..the reworkings of Jim Reeves songs were always the best !