Average to garbage players who've made you go batshit crazy

[BushBlade]

We've seen our fare share of nonentities at the Lane down the years, many of whom will forever remain mere footnotes in the history of SUFC, recalled only by the most devout, or the sufferers of the most vivid nightmares. Some however have etched themselves into the annals of history by interspersing their particular period of humdrummery with the odd moment which has left our fans an intertwined web of limbs and ecstasy.

My nomination is Ryan Flynn, a player who, unsurprisingly, played a large part in our continued failure to leave League 1 behind, somehow managing over 150 games of almost total mediocrity but who, with a swish and a poke against Villa and Charlton respectively, helped lay the foundations for one of our most memorable ever cup runs and send Blades everywhere loopy.

As we try to play out the remainder of this particular embuggerance of an international break, who are the average Joes who will forever remain etched in the collective memory?

Well done for writing it like you’re writing for Fighting Talk but I think your prose has gone over a few heads.

Maybe reword it ‘who was shit but did the occasional thing that was reight good?’ so that the hard of thinking can join in?

 

[BLADES1988]

Was better than Black Pacey and French (sounding) Febian Brandy

To be fair to Jamal, ill forgive him every performance based on the goals at QPR.

 

[Killamarshblades]

To this day I stand by the opinion that Leigh Bromby was the worst player I've ever seen play for us with the ball at his feet.

He literally couldn't run five yards with the ball.

ha ha me and a friend regularly recall Leigh Bromby coming on as a sub almost at the end of a sunday game at home to Birmingham. His first job was to take a free kick about 40 yards from their goal. United had no intention in going forward or trying to set something up so Bromby attempted a speculative shot (Ronaldo esque for the time) which never got more than a foot off the ground and dribbled out of play about 20 yards wide of the post.

Made a career out of heading, tackling and taking long throws!

 

[coaxingstar71]

Conor Sammon - scored 2 quality goals on either his second or third appearance at Peterborough and we thought we'd pulled off quite a coup. Sadly that was about as good as it got.

Michael Higdon - it's easy to forget that Pigdon actually scored a few goals for us, including one on his debut, an equaliser and game changer v Gillingham and the winner in a League Cup tie at MK Dons (when they had a decent team). Other than that he was a sending off waiting to happen.

Adrian Littlejohn - I liked Littlejohn, he had a really good first season, scoring the winner v Liverpool and a cheeky back heel v the Pigs.

Mike Lake - was brilliant for about 8 games scoring several 'wonder strikes' v Forest, Southampton and Man City. Might be harsh as I think he picked up a bad injury after that.

Tony Daws - scored 2 goals in a game at Blackburn in 1986..... that's it.

 

[Pollingtonblade]

Conor Sammon - scored 2 quality goals on either his second or third appearance at Peterborough and we thought we'd pulled off quite a coup. Sadly that was about as good as it got.

Michael Higdon - it's easy to forget that Pigdon actually scored a few goals for us, including one on his debut, an equaliser and game changer v Gillingham and the winner in a League Cup tie at MK Dons (when they had a decent team). Other than that he was a sending off waiting to happen.

Adrian Littlejohn - I liked Littlejohn, he had a really good first season, scoring the winner v Liverpool and a cheeky back heel v the Pigs.

Mike Lake - was brilliant for about 8 games scoring several 'wonder strikes' v Forest, Southampton and Man City. Might be harsh as I think he picked up a bad injury after that.

Tony Daws - scored 2 goals in a game at Blackburn in 1986..... that's it.

Tony Daws missed an open net v Brighton in the next home match and then we didn’t see him again.

 

[YorkBlade]

Ian Hamilton should have been on here far more, truly dreadful footballer and made me go crazy with rage when he was sent off against Crystal Palace away but if anything that helped, a bit like Iffy Onoura being sent off away at Norwich and we somehow won 3-2 (I believe that was the first game where Warnock tried Jags in defence).
Honourable mentions for Michael Twiss, Andy Campbell, Craig Beattie and Michael Higdon (MK Dons away was a brilliant evening)

 

[shorehamview]

Some players just use their pace to flatter to deceive. Like Luton Shelton, rapid but was a crap footballer.

Shelton was the first to spring to mind for me too. Like greased lightning, just a shame he was rubbish at football. I remember him being touted as the new Henrik Larsson, because he was playing in Sweden. What a load of nonsense that was.

 

[Caveblade]

Jean Calve, scored an absolute worldy on his debut. Unfortunately that was the peak of his United career, he disappeared never to be seen again.

My personal "shake my head in disbelief" player was James Harper. Came with a great reputation from Reading. He made Hammond look committed. He spent most of his time standing in the centre circle waving his arms around like a lollipop lady directing schools kids across a crossing. Fookin useless.

 

[blade53]

Paul Richardson ,Derek Richardson , Dennis Longhorn, Andy Keeley, Craig Renwick , Peter Dornan, Axel Smeets, Dougie Brown , Paul Williams , the list can go on forever!

 

[N20 Blade]

Conor Sammon - scored 2 quality goals on either his second or third appearance at Peterborough and we thought we'd pulled off quite a coup. Sadly that was about as good as it got.

Michael Higdon - it's easy to forget that Pigdon actually scored a few goals for us, including one on his debut, an equaliser and game changer v Gillingham and the winner in a League Cup tie at MK Dons (when they had a decent team). Other than that he was a sending off waiting to happen.

Adrian Littlejohn - I liked Littlejohn, he had a really good first season, scoring the winner v Liverpool and a cheeky back heel v the Pigs.

Mike Lake - was brilliant for about 8 games scoring several 'wonder strikes' v Forest, Southampton and Man City. Might be harsh as I think he picked up a bad injury after that.

Tony Daws - scored 2 goals in a game at Blackburn in 1986..... that's it.

No dispute regarding the first two but I always enjoyed watching the other two and I think they maximised their abilities. In Littlejohn's case, he was a poor man's Tony Agana but did work well with Deano and felt that DB should have made more use of him. With regards to Lake, he did well to play again after breaking his leg at Ipswich, especially given what happened to his bother Paul, at Man City. Lake had a good run in the team but lacked pace according to DB, which was a real shame as some of his goals were indeed brilliant and important strikes.

 

[Tray]

Shaun Miller - when he was injured, he caught that horrible rotten disease that makes everyone's opinion of him over-inflate until he's a superstar that will rip the league a new one when he's fit.

He didn't.

Bang average footballer that reached his footballing peak with us trying to get into the League one play-offs.

I went fucking mental when he scored in the 120th minute at Fulham however.

Batshit crazy, you might say.

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

Now this could be a long post.

But a selection through the years...

Tony Field. Wonder goal against Ipswich, average rest of the time.
Jon Matthews. Good passing range, heart of a mouse.
Steve Wigley. See Field.
Peter Beagrie. Beat a player 7 times, then no cross.
Richard Cadette. Very promising first 30 minutes.
Steve Finnieston. Decent player, made of matchsticks.
John Ebbrell. See Finnieston.
Steve Cammack. Looked to be the replacement for Dearden. Went to Scunthorpe, nuff said.
Steve Ludlam. The new TC. Went to Carlisle, nuff said.
Len De Gooey. Poised, Dutch finesse. Couldn't handle the weight of responsibility or moustache.
Willie Falconer. Poised, Scottish finesse. One good game.

Parts 2-10 to follow

 

[RealMcCoy]

Tony McMahon

 

[Yellarbellyblade]

This could be a very very long thread

 

[Ecco1889]

Now this could be a long post.

But a selection through the years...

Tony Field. Wonder goal against Ipswich, average rest of the time.
Jon Matthews. Good passing range, heart of a mouse.
Steve Wigley. See Field.
Peter Beagrie. Beat a player 7 times, then no cross.
Richard Cadette. Very promising first 30 minutes.
Steve Finnieston. Decent player, made of matchsticks.
John Ebbrell. See Finnieston.
Steve Cammack. Looked to be the replacement for Dearden. Went to Scunthorpe, nuff said.
Steve Ludlam. The new TC. Went to Carlisle, nuff said.
Len De Gooey. Poised, Dutch finesse. Couldn't handle the weight of responsibility or moustache.
Willie Falconer. Poised, Scottish finesse. One good game.

Parts 2-10 to follow

Remember Cadette scoring the only goal of the game v Swindon at the lane,December 1987
Attendance only 7248
Ended that season getting relegated via play-offs v Bristol city
The only good thing to happen was Harry taking over as manager

 

[I should coco]

Tony Field. Wonder goal against Ipswich, average rest of the time.
Jon Matthews. Good passing range, heart of a mouse.
Steve Wigley. See Field.
Peter Beagrie. Beat a player 7 times, then no cross.
Richard Cadette. Very promising first 30 minutes.
Steve Finnieston. Decent player, made of matchsticks.
John Ebbrell. See Finnieston.
Steve Cammack. Looked to be the replacement for Dearden. Went to Scunthorpe, nuff said.
Steve Ludlam. The new TC. Went to Carlisle, nuff said.
Len De Gooey. Poised, Dutch finesse. Couldn't handle the weight of responsibility or moustache.
Willie Falconer. Poised, Scottish finesse. One good game.

Alan Young - See Finnieston/Ebbrell
Derek Richardson - Took crosses with ease against Sarfend and all looked great for Boxing Day at the Pig......
Phil Starbug -wonder player on loan and then we signed him.....
Tony Towner - Absolute star for the Millers but couldn't cope with the long travel to S2
Franz Carr - One brilliant game to thrash Spurs and a laid on goal for old 'head turned upside down'. Otherwise, see Field
Chris Guthrie - See Cadette (same bloody selling club too!)
Lee Hendrie - No good games but some excellent pro badge kissing in front of the Kop
David Carney - Top Aussie international, spot the flaw there then
Gary Naysmith - See Young

As you say, I could go on.......

 

[Beans]

Christian Nade briefly looked like a modern-day Pele against Arsenal and his goal was one of the best moments of that season - and surely by far the highlight of his career?

Tony McMahon was rubbish but I remember going crackers when he scored those two freekicks against the mighty Crawley Town just before Christmas.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Paul Richardson ,Derek Richardson , Dennis Longhorn, Andy Keeley, Craig Renwick , Peter Dornan, Axel Smeets, Dougie Brown , Paul Williams , the list can go on forever!

All of those much worse than the more recent signings rated as useless.

Bloody kids.

 

[Tray]

Christian Nade briefly looked like a modern-day Pele against Arsenal and his goal was one of the best moments of that season - and surely by far the highlight of his career?

Tony McMahon was rubbish but I remember going crackers when he scored those two freekicks against the mighty Crawley Town just before Christmas.

I remember seeing his name pop up on the Sky Sports teleprinter scoring for Raith Rovers vs Rangers in the cup. I thought I'd look up the keeper and it was Steve Simonsen, no less. At least Nade had a stand out moment that didn't cripple our club for 5 more years

 

[Jan Age]

1. Goram (7 appearances)
2. Parker (10 appearances)
3. Gayle (119 appearances)
4. Barret (5 appearances)
5. Goram (11 appearances)
6. Ford (154 appearances)
7. Hamilton ( 45 appearances)
8. Smeets ( 8 appearances)
9. Starbuck (36 appearances)
10. Cadamarteri (21 appearances)
11. Onuorah (7 appearances)

 

[TJB.]

Nyron Nosworthy - A player that cba and stole a wage.

See, there was an excitement factor to Nosworthy's style of play.

People go to football matches to be entertained. Opposition punts a big ball forward towards our backline, and if it was going towards Nosworthy you were never quite sure where it was going to end up!

That's entertainment, that. Magic.

 

[Beans]

I remember seeing his name pop up on the Sky Sports teleprinter scoring for Raith Rovers vs Rangers in the cup. I thought I'd look up the keeper and it was Steve Simonsen, no less. At least Nade had a stand out moment that didn't cripple our club for 5 more years

He's still ploughing on - popped up on the old videprinter only a few weeks ago, scoring for Annan!

 

[Blend-it-like-Harris]

Some total duck-eggs mentioned so far, but I'm going to weigh-in with some "Distinguished" names here:

Vinny Jones
Martin Peters
Ian Rush (only 4 games on loan - but outstandingly bad)
Phil Thompson

 

[DifferentClass]

Ethan Ebanks-Landell and his vital last minute goals at Fleetwood and against Bury in the 100 point season.

 

[Killamarshblades]

Was only 10/11 at the time but wasnt Brian Marwood pretty shit?

 

[N20 Blade]

1. Goram (7 appearances)
2. Parker (10 appearances)
3. Gayle (119 appearances)
4. Barret (5 appearances)
5. Goram (11 appearances)
6. Ford (154 appearances)
7. Hamilton ( 45 appearances)
8. Smeets ( 8 appearances)
9. Starbuck (36 appearances)
10. Cadamarteri (21 appearances)
11. Onuorah (7 appearances)

There's only two Andy Gorams, was the famous Rangers chant.

 

[N20 Blade]

Was only 10/11 at the time but wasnt Brian Marwood pretty shit?

Indeed but he did score the winner at Goodison...

 

[Kev Gee]

Jordan Stewart - must have had the best agent ever. Somehow managed to have a career that included a spell in Greece?

Dougie Hodgson. Typical Aussie hardman and Bassett clogger . Abit of a cult hero for some reason.


Elian Parrino - looked decent first couple of games then disappeared - mostly from fullback were he should have been playing. Is he still playing?


Trianos Dellas
Had a good pedigree and looked a great player but couldnt get in our team yet ended playing for Roma? Scored an absolute howizter of a goal in one of his rare first team appearances.

 

[S15Blade]

Nyron Nosworthy - A player that cba and stole a wage.

There is some great competition but this guy wins the worst player I've ever seen in a United shirt, utterly terrible. Would make Richard Keogh look like VVD. utter wank player.

 

[N20 Blade]

Some total duck-eggs mentioned so far, but I'm going to weigh-in with some "Distinguished" names here:

Vinny Jones
Martin Peters
Ian Rush (only 4 games on loan - but outstandingly bad)
Phil Thompson

I remember seeing Rush 'playing' for us at QPR and was disgusted by his non-effort. I'd grown up as a kid watching him tear teams apart for years for Liverpool, he even earned a move to Juve. This performance was a travesty to those memories. In regards to Jones, I think context is important, he added something to the fibre of the team that first season, whilst a below average footballer, he did contribute in different ways. Not least his long throws contributed to several goals that season. It was a short term fix which is why he lasted such a short time in Sheffield but no ill feelings from me to him.