Sean the Blade
Member
Alan Irvine was discussing his latest transfer business with our reporter, whilst the squad were enjoying their post season break at Thorpe Park Holiday Park in Cleethorpes:
Irvine happily discussed squad matters as he relaxed in his deck chair, Mrs Irvine was inside busily preparing the players’ breakfast in the caravan’s kitchen.
“We’ve brought in several players, all on frees” boasted Irvine “Which is important to the club as a whole, and the financial position we are currently in. Lee Grant and Marcus Tudgay wanted to go to Pleasure Island, which we hadn’t planned for, and it put a big hole in our budget. Couple that with the fact that you just can’t get Frank Simek and Darren Purse off the dodgems and you can see the financial dilemma we face here”
Club supreme, Lee Strap-on, commented on the current situation, and how the club is preparing for the future “Well, we bought a couple of Nintendo DS’s, cheap from a shady guy in The Travellers before we set off on Monday. It’s saved us a fortune, otherwise the players keep pestering us for money for the slots. Next year we’re planning rent a van with a TV in, possibly with Freeview In addition to this Alan has an X-Box and has promised to bring it along to keep the lads occupied and out of the arcades.”
When asked about next year’s ambitions, Strap-on became a little more reticent, adding only that “We’re working very hard to attract investment, especially in America where they know sod all about footy. Of course we have ambition, we’re already saving really hard in the hope that next year we can go to Butlins in Skeggy, all the rides are free there, and all the chalets and vans have TV as standard, but you have to remember we’re a League one club now, which brings further financial constraints”
I managed to grab a word with out of favour striker Francis Jeffers, and asked him what he hoped for over the next few months “First of all I’m really hoping for a 99 ice cream, you’ve got to start with small targets. I’m just taking it one training session at a time, if I can get some games under my belt I may even score a goal. And once I’ve done that, well, I could even get a transfer out of here!”
As I leave the players return from the toilet block after washing their hands before their breakfast, and as I pass the B registered Transit mini-bus and get in my car, I look through the caravan window, at all the excited little faces gathered round the breakfast table, and I can’t help thinking of the Cratchit Christmas dinner in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.
Wednesday Early Return From Summer Break ….
Amid rumours of imminent investment I urgently made my way to S6. I met an old colleague, whom I hardly recognised due to the lengthy beard and long hair, I asked how long he had been here “Since the story broke” he replied “over a year ago!”
As we waited the Wednesday team returned, early, from the team’s summer break. I met up with Alan Irvine as the B registered Transit mini-bus rolled in to the Hillsborough car park, on the back of a Green Flag tow truck.
I broke the ice asking what was wrong with the transport “Its too early to say at this stage” said Irvine “I bought it off a bloke in Newham, down London just before we left, me and the players had a whip round and got together a couple of hundred quid. The bloke said he used to call it ‘Sally Gunnell’ cos it wasn’t much to look at, but was a fookin good runner!” he continued “We got as far as about a mile from the services on the M 180 and I think it just flooded ‘just what we need’ I thought to myself, ‘another bloody flood!’ I got the lads together to try to heave the bus to the service station, ‘just one last, big push lads!’ but after a long hard season they didn’t have it in them, as ever, we just fell short of our target.
When asked about the early return to Sheffield Irvine denied it was because they had run out of money “the lads were complaining that some bigger boys, from Rotherham turned up, and then a crew from Barnsley. I thought all the local lads would get on well together, but they kept taking my boys’ football and wouldn’t give it back! This obviously cast a shadow over us all, and so we decided it was better that we get home and get the RAC Atlas out and start finding places like Yeovil, and Brentford. I mean, for fucks sake, I though Yeovil was a game on Facebook! I hope Dagenham and Redbridge don’t get promoted, I wouldn’t know wherther to go to Dagenham OR Redbridge???
As we spoke the players were met by their agents and parents and whisked away to the near-by bus and tram stops, and a DVLA agent prepared to clamp Irvine’ un-taxed Transit.
I enquired about pre-season preparation “well the lads have got a few weeks off now, but I’ve booked a few sessions at a local Beefeater pub, its got a ball pool, so I’m planning a bit of schooling on close control in there. Mr Strap-on promised the boys a trip to London last year, if they were good and got the right results, but they didn’t come up to scratch and the rich kids from down the road got to go instead. This season gone neither team got to go, so it has been difficult to motivate the boys”
I pressed Irvine on his injury worries “These are trying times, whilst we were in Cleethorpes it was a constant worry, every time Franny Jeffers said to me ‘boss, I think I’ve broken something’ I shat my pants, you see, I would think he was talking about the caravan, and we can’t afford to lose the deposit we paid, as we are hoping to use to decorate the old place before the ‘big party’ the chairman has promised us!”
I left as Irvine was unloading the cases from the mini-bus, and I couldn’t help whistling to myself ‘Pack Up Your Troubles In Your Old Kit Bag’…
Irvine happily discussed squad matters as he relaxed in his deck chair, Mrs Irvine was inside busily preparing the players’ breakfast in the caravan’s kitchen.
“We’ve brought in several players, all on frees” boasted Irvine “Which is important to the club as a whole, and the financial position we are currently in. Lee Grant and Marcus Tudgay wanted to go to Pleasure Island, which we hadn’t planned for, and it put a big hole in our budget. Couple that with the fact that you just can’t get Frank Simek and Darren Purse off the dodgems and you can see the financial dilemma we face here”
Club supreme, Lee Strap-on, commented on the current situation, and how the club is preparing for the future “Well, we bought a couple of Nintendo DS’s, cheap from a shady guy in The Travellers before we set off on Monday. It’s saved us a fortune, otherwise the players keep pestering us for money for the slots. Next year we’re planning rent a van with a TV in, possibly with Freeview In addition to this Alan has an X-Box and has promised to bring it along to keep the lads occupied and out of the arcades.”
When asked about next year’s ambitions, Strap-on became a little more reticent, adding only that “We’re working very hard to attract investment, especially in America where they know sod all about footy. Of course we have ambition, we’re already saving really hard in the hope that next year we can go to Butlins in Skeggy, all the rides are free there, and all the chalets and vans have TV as standard, but you have to remember we’re a League one club now, which brings further financial constraints”
I managed to grab a word with out of favour striker Francis Jeffers, and asked him what he hoped for over the next few months “First of all I’m really hoping for a 99 ice cream, you’ve got to start with small targets. I’m just taking it one training session at a time, if I can get some games under my belt I may even score a goal. And once I’ve done that, well, I could even get a transfer out of here!”
As I leave the players return from the toilet block after washing their hands before their breakfast, and as I pass the B registered Transit mini-bus and get in my car, I look through the caravan window, at all the excited little faces gathered round the breakfast table, and I can’t help thinking of the Cratchit Christmas dinner in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.
Wednesday Early Return From Summer Break ….
Amid rumours of imminent investment I urgently made my way to S6. I met an old colleague, whom I hardly recognised due to the lengthy beard and long hair, I asked how long he had been here “Since the story broke” he replied “over a year ago!”
As we waited the Wednesday team returned, early, from the team’s summer break. I met up with Alan Irvine as the B registered Transit mini-bus rolled in to the Hillsborough car park, on the back of a Green Flag tow truck.
I broke the ice asking what was wrong with the transport “Its too early to say at this stage” said Irvine “I bought it off a bloke in Newham, down London just before we left, me and the players had a whip round and got together a couple of hundred quid. The bloke said he used to call it ‘Sally Gunnell’ cos it wasn’t much to look at, but was a fookin good runner!” he continued “We got as far as about a mile from the services on the M 180 and I think it just flooded ‘just what we need’ I thought to myself, ‘another bloody flood!’ I got the lads together to try to heave the bus to the service station, ‘just one last, big push lads!’ but after a long hard season they didn’t have it in them, as ever, we just fell short of our target.
When asked about the early return to Sheffield Irvine denied it was because they had run out of money “the lads were complaining that some bigger boys, from Rotherham turned up, and then a crew from Barnsley. I thought all the local lads would get on well together, but they kept taking my boys’ football and wouldn’t give it back! This obviously cast a shadow over us all, and so we decided it was better that we get home and get the RAC Atlas out and start finding places like Yeovil, and Brentford. I mean, for fucks sake, I though Yeovil was a game on Facebook! I hope Dagenham and Redbridge don’t get promoted, I wouldn’t know wherther to go to Dagenham OR Redbridge???
As we spoke the players were met by their agents and parents and whisked away to the near-by bus and tram stops, and a DVLA agent prepared to clamp Irvine’ un-taxed Transit.
I enquired about pre-season preparation “well the lads have got a few weeks off now, but I’ve booked a few sessions at a local Beefeater pub, its got a ball pool, so I’m planning a bit of schooling on close control in there. Mr Strap-on promised the boys a trip to London last year, if they were good and got the right results, but they didn’t come up to scratch and the rich kids from down the road got to go instead. This season gone neither team got to go, so it has been difficult to motivate the boys”
I pressed Irvine on his injury worries “These are trying times, whilst we were in Cleethorpes it was a constant worry, every time Franny Jeffers said to me ‘boss, I think I’ve broken something’ I shat my pants, you see, I would think he was talking about the caravan, and we can’t afford to lose the deposit we paid, as we are hoping to use to decorate the old place before the ‘big party’ the chairman has promised us!”
I left as Irvine was unloading the cases from the mini-bus, and I couldn’t help whistling to myself ‘Pack Up Your Troubles In Your Old Kit Bag’…
