Things you'd like to hear in a Wilder team talk

[blade.i.am]

In true Mock the Week fashion

'When Adkins said stick it in one end and keep it out the other he meant stick it in their end and keep it out of ours. Understood? This could be a long season'

Or

'Geese, geese, what fucking geese?'

 

[s4-blade]

Hopefully not too much of this but I'm glad he's got it in him...

 

[PeteBlade]

"It's half time and we're 5-0 up, relax for this second half and don't injure yourselves"

 

[Tyler Durden]

We needed this all last season (preferably without the fat pig Chris Turner of course)

 

[Deadbat]

This one is good. John Sitton. Short lived manager of Leyton Orient.

Sacks one at half time. Then offers another two out and tells one he can bring his dinner to the fight!

 

[Deadbat]

Like minded Tyler Durden!!!

 

[Kenilworth]

This one is good. John Sitton. Short lived manager of Leyton Orient.

Sacks one at half time. Then offers another two out and tells one he can bring his dinner to the fight!

That's the classic one

 

[Kenilworth]

I don't want you to be a set of fucking cup tarts, I want you to fucking bleed for this club. Coutts, pull your fucking cock out of your Arse and put yourself about more. Get your fucking head up and play it inside the fullback and centre half so that Doney can run onto it.

Nuts! If you're not going to wear it properly then tek that fucking jumper off.

Scougs! Scougs! Where the fuck are you. Oh, there you are. Didn't see you for a moment.

Longy. Why is it when I type that on a moby the predictive gives me Longtime? Are you some kind of fucking Thai ladyboy or summat? No? Well fucking shout up and bollock your defence more when they drop a bollock. We nearly got caught last time.

McEvely!

McEvely!

Where's the fucking tea?

 

[boo radley]

"Hey Boss"
"What"
"int it time you got your hair cut".

 

[HillmortonBlade]

"I'm glad all that "cutting the cloth" talk was bollox and I've been able to fuck off all the players the fans want rid of and replace them with Championship standard players and match their wage expectations"

 

[Grappler]

I hope he says, "lads, go out there, get stuck in, take no prisoners, win that fucking game, do it for me, do it for you, but most of all, do it for that 18,000 out there who pay your wages"

 

[YES Blade]

 

[Finn Keane o' Balmaqueen]

"First we take Northampton, then we take Bolton"

At every opportunity, the manager liked to subtly include his greatest musical influences in any pre-match/post match conference.

 

[boo radley]

Forget the fucking Geese, I need you to go Wilder.

 

[BushBlade]

That was Adkins' last team talk; 'we're 2-0 down to Scunthorpe. Have you heard what they're saying, Adkins is a twat, Adkins is a bastard, Adkins is a cunt. It's not me they should be calling a cunt, it's you. There's thousands of kids out there that would die to wear the Blades' shirt. Get out there and fucking show 'em.'

Sheffield United lost 2-0 and Adkins was replaced by Chris Wilder shortly after ...

 

[Jon Bon]

One of those comedy whoopee whistles.

 

[Ricky]

"LET'S FACKIN KILL EM!!!"

 

[sheffielder]

Now then lads, did I tell you about Icarus, a mythical...

Oh bollox

 

[grafikhaus]

That was Adkins' last team talk; 'we're 2-0 down to Scunthorpe. Have you heard what they're saying, Adkins is a twat, Adkins is a bastard, Adkins is a cunt. It's not me they should be calling a cunt, it's you. There's thousands of kids out there that would die to wear the Blades' shirt. Get out there and fucking show 'em.'

Sheffield United lost 2-0 and Adkins was replaced by Chris Wilder shortly after ...

I can't imagine Adkins has enough passion to deliver a 'John Sitton rant', more's the pity. I suspect his 'style' is more like Sgt. Wilson.

NA: "I say, Connor. When you jump for the ball, would you mind awfully actually leaving the floor? And Jay. Could I ask you, please, to try to find a man with a pass who is wearing a United shirt? They're the white ones. With a thin white stripe. And a fucking yellow streak down the back? (apologies to Billy & Che). Oh, and Dean. I'm afraid if you don't improve, I'm going to pull you off at half time."

DH: "Nigel! I didn't know you cared!"

NA: "Of course I care, Dean! Who else would pay a useless cunt like you ten grand a week?"

 

[georgebernardshaw]

"Lads - when you get the ball, give it to someone you know"

Billy Connolly

 

[Rollerball]

"I will give you 5 games, let me down and you will be loaned out to some non league outfit no one has ever heard of and you will stay there till your contract expires"
Or
"I don't know who any of you are, but let down this club on the pitch and I will find you and I will kill you, that is my skill set"

 

[Tazzy]

we will be in sunday extra training because we only won 3-0 and I wanted 4-0

 

[GRUMPY BLADE]

You lot - fuck off.