Please give generously...........
Major floods hit North Britain... Epicentre:
Rotherham, England
News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by
the town's 35,000 racing pigeons,as victims were
seen wandering around aimlessly muttering
"fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".
The flood decimated the town, causing almost £30
worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of momentos from the
Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costas were damaged
beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out
cars were ruined.
Many locals were woken well before their Giro
arrived. Radio station Rother FM reported that
hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting had happened in
Rotherham. One resident, 15 year old mother of 3,
Tracey Sharon Braithwaite said:
"It were such a shock, my little lass
Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom
crying The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm
slept through it all. I were still shaking when I
were watching Kilroy t' next morning".
However, locals were determined not to be bowed, as
looting, muggings and car crime carried on as
normal
So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to
ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to
relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue
workers searching through the rubble have found
large quantities of personal belongings including
benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos, and bone china from Pound-Stretcher.
Can You Help?
Please respond generously to our appeal for food and
clothing for the victims of this disaster.
Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
* Fila or Burberry baseball caps
* Kappa tracksuit tops (his / hers)
* Shell suits (female)
* White sports socks
* Rockfort boots or any other product sold by
Primark.
Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put
together, but our efforts will make a difference.
Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and
cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.
Please do not donate anything that requires peeling.
Remember:
22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
£2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a
family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to
calm a child's nerves.
And for only the price of a bottle of house
sparkling wine in a south west London pub will be
able to buy a house for a typical household of 9 + 3
dogs!
Urgently required: Tinned whippet food, Caesar for
Jack Russells.
Please do not send tents for shelter - the obvious
improvement in
housing might cause residents to believe they have
been forcibly relocated to Sheffield.
