Meanwhile in a parallel universe... (Now updated to Chelsea at Home)

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This universe is getting boring and more and more depressing so I’ve decided to jump ship and go into an alternative reality.

So here I am on the Planet Finemargins, where things are much rosier.

In the opening game of the 2020-21 season Sheffield United faced Wolves. After a nervy first six minutes, United belatedly found their feet and gradually got back into the game to grind out a solid nil-nil draw.

Next up was a trip to Bournemouth, the team who had stayed up on goal difference on the last day of the previous season. After a 12th minute tussle saw both John Egan and Callum Wilson booked, John Lundstram calmly stroked home a first half penalty to secure the Blades’ first three-pointer of the season.

Leeds were next to face Wilder’s men, and again Lundstram proved the match winner. Despite Meslier doing brilliantly to get a hand on Lunny’s first half unstoppable point-blank piledriver, he couldn’t quite keep the ball out of the net. Neither could Ramsdale two minutes from time, but VAR came to United’s rescue when Bamford’s equaliser was ruled out after a clear foul on Berge in the build up. Three games, three clean sheets and seven points saw the Blades finish the weekend in a heady third place.

The early season momentum carried through to the trip to the Emirates. Only five minutes in and Arsenal were down to ten men after David Luiz saw red for pulling back Oli Burke when we was clean through on goal. Referee Lee Mason initially missed it, but VAR intervened and left the Gunners to face the uphill struggle of containing the in-form Blades for almost the entire 90 minutes. Still we left it late before Didsy McGoldrick curled in a superb 84th minute winner.

The Blades, now up to second in the table behind early pacesetters Everton, were really showing that the previous season had been anything but a flash in the pan.

Next up, opposition from the opposite end of the table as bottom place Fulham visited Fortress Bramall Lane. They left, however, with an unlikely point following a more than deserved 1-1 draw against their high-flying hosts. Still, an impressive haul of eleven points from the first five games saw the Blades cementing their place in the top three.

A daunting trip to reigning Champions Liverpool was next, but the Blades continued their fine early season form to come away with a battling point after a 2-2 draw. United had raced into a two-goal lead with two contentious first half penalties. First VAR upgraded a free kick on the edge of the area to a penalty after the foul was deemed to have been on the line and therefore in the penalty area, and then VAR added further salt to Liverpool’s salty wounds with a second controversial penalty when Robertson was harshly deemed to have handled in the area. Still, we’ve all seen them given. Ultimately the Champions fought back like Champions with goals from Firmino and Jota to rescue a point and prevent United from claiming an unexpected but fully-deserved top spot. Twelve points, unbeaten in six and second place was still a start to be more than proud of.

Next up were the superstars of Manchester City, and unsurprisingly the gulf in class, and finances, told and United tasted defeat for the first time with City running out winners by the odd goal with Blades fan Kyle Walker scoring the only goal against his boyhood club.

Things didn’t get any easier with a trip to Stamford Bridge, where United suffered their second consecutive defeat, going down 4-1 despite taking an early lead. It also saw them slipping out of the top six, but their twelve point haul was still only four points behind new league leaders, Southampton.

Back at Bramall Lane, United ended the two-game losing streak with a hard fought draw with West Ham. The Hammers took the lead thanks to Haller’s unstoppable rocket of a shot, but the Blades drew level with an unstoppable rocket of their own when McBurnie’s first goal of the season crashed in off the underside of the bar.

West Brom were next and United got back to winning ways with a 2-1 victory that in truth could and should have been more emphatic. Baldock and Mousset got the goals, but Burke and McBurnie were unlucky not to add their names to the scoresheet. Three more points saw United’s season’s haul rise to sixteen points, enough to see them back in the top six.

Leicester City came to the Lane and left with a point after a 1-1 draw. In truth they should have come away with more having hit the post three times, including a last minute let off when Jamie Vardy broke free following an uncharacteristic error by John Fleck. Still United’s point was their seventeenth of the season, enough to see them in seventh place.

But then Southampton away, oh dear. Three of their shots in the back of our net and not a single one of ours on target, saw us dropping out of the top half of the table for the first time in the season. The less said the better.

Next up, the visit of Manchester United. Last season Bramall Lane’s noisy faithful witnessed an exciting 3-3 draw, with Oli McBurnie earning a point right at the death, and this season they got more of the same. The original United again took an early lead only for the other United to equalise and add two more to take a two-goal lead of their own, setting up a grandstand finish where United #1 saved it at the death, this time even more dramatically than last. McGoldrick halved the deficit three minutes shy of the 90, and then substitute Lys Mousset completed the comeback with a shot that returning hero Dean Henderson could get a hand to but couldn’t keep out. So honours even, three goals and a point apiece, and F.C. United of Sheffield up to 18 points.

A trip to the Amex followed and the Blades got back to winning ways. Despite going down to ten following Lundstram’s first half dismissal, United went one and then two up through Bogle’s and Burke’s first goals for the club. Welbeck clawed one back late on, but it wasn’t enough to stop the Blades from claiming their fifth three points and ninth place in the league with an impressive 21 points - more than halfway to the mythical safety of 40 points with 24 games still to play.

In-form Everton were the next opponents, but were totally out of form as they bored their way to a nil-nil draw with an equally out of sorts United. In all honesty it was more than either side deserved after failing to create much excitement for the bumper Boxing Day crowd on a wet and windy night.

For the final game of 2020 the happy Blades were at Jordan North’s “happy place”, Turf Moor. And it proved to be an equally happy place for Rhian Brewster, as he claimed his first ever Premier League goal when his near-post header from Ampadu’s corner nestled in the net despite Ashley Westwood’s best efforts on the line. Another header from a corner, this time by Burnley’s Ben Mee, levelled things up before halftime, and despite United dominating possession for the remainder of the game, that’s how it ended, one apiece.

So 2020 ended with United on 23 points, well established in the top half and well positioned for another tilt at Europe in 2021.

The new year began at Selhurst Park and it certainly began badly when, within the first four minutes, Jeffrey Schlupp, via two unfortunate deflections, put Palace one up. The half almost ended like it had begun but just as Eze was about to pull the trigger having run with the ball from deep in his own half, the referee blew his whistle to signal the end of five minutes stoppage time. The second half began and suddenly Palace were down to nine. First Zaha saw red, via VAR, for putting his hands in Bogle’s face, and then VAR intervened again to persuade Stuart Attwell to upgrade his yellow for Eze’s ‘enthusiastic’ tackle on Ampadu’s ankle. Still, United had to wait till the 90th minute to make their numerical superiority count when 16-year-old substitute and debutant Antwoine Hackford’s snap-shot, following Basham’s clever back-heel on the byeline, squeezed in between defender and goalkeeper to level things up and give Hackford the dream end to his first start.

After a FA Cup third round win away at Bristol Rovers it was back to Bramall Lane for the visit of struggling Newcastle. And struggle they duly did against a rampant Blades, who dominated play in a fantastic first-half performance, who did everything but put the ball in the back of the net. Newcastle’s Ryan Fraser saw red for two yellows in the dying minutes of the half, and it was only a matter of time before they conceded. Which they eventually did when Billy Sharp converted the 73rd minute penalty he’d won, and David McGoldrick tapped in an unmissable tap-in after Brewster’s 20-yard strike had struck the foot of the post and fallen at his feet in front of an open goal. It was United‘s sixth win of the season and Wilder‘s 106th as the Blades boss, and left the club sitting pretty in eighth place on 27 points, above big guns like Chelsea and Arsenal and little peashooters like Leeds.

And so to Gameweek 19, the halfway point of the season, with Tottenham the visitors to Bramall Lane. Not much to write home about (even though we were at home) as we disappointed in a 3-1 reverse, Didsy’s glancing header a rare highlight.

So with half a season gone, let’s have a look at the table...

So with half a season gone, let’s have a look at the table...

Man City 19 12 5 2 41
Leicester 19 11 3 5 38
Man Utd 19 11 5 3 38
Tottenham 19 9 6 4 33
Liverpool 19 8 8 3 32
Everton 19 9 4 6 31
West Ham 19 8 6 5 30
Bournemouth 19 9 2 8 29
Chelsea 19 8 5 6 29
Southampton 19 8 5 6 29
Sheffield United 19 6 9 4 27
Arsenal 19 7 3 9 24
Leeds 19 7 2 10 24
Crystal Palace 19 5 6 8 21
Wolves 19 5 5 9 20
Burnley 19 5 5 9 20
Newcastle 19 5 4 10 19
Brighton 19 3 7 9 16
Fulham 19 2 7 10 13
West Brom 19 1 5 13 8

Sheffield United in a very respectable eleventh, as close to second spot as to relegation. Bring on the second half...

And what a daunting start to the second half - an in-form Manchester United away. Not too daunting for the Blades though who, with a makeshift team costing peanuts (though admittedly you can buy quite a lot of peanuts for £4,000,000 (+ Ramsdale)), stunned a sold-out Old Trafford with a stunning 2-1 victory - Original United’s first at Imposter United since 1973.

Three days later the daunting ask got a whole lot more daunting - another game in Manchester, a couple of miles down the road against an even more in-form City. Not that these Blades are easily daunted. Falling behind to a goal after defensive incompetence left both sets of fans shouting “Jesus” (but for very different reasons), we stayed in the game, restricting City to very few sights of goal. Then, with time running out, John Fleck caught Billy Sharp’s chest-back perfectly and his strike fizzed into the far corner past Ederson’s flailing fingertips. Two trips over the Snake Pass, four more points towards the push towards Europe.

After the team at the top, came the team at the bottom. A fourth game in seven days saw rock bottom West Brom take on the mid-table Blades for the second time. And just like the first time it ended up 2-1 to the not rock bottom team from Sheffield. The Baggies actually led at half time through a Matt Phillips’ tap in following a Ramsdale double save, but the Blades came roaring back, first through Bogle’s snap shot and then through Billy Sharp’s trademark smart finish.

Next up, Chelsea. Despite the Londoners having overwhelming possession, shots on goal were evenly shared, as ultimately were the points. Chelsea took the lead through Mason Mount just before half-time, only for Rudiger to comically put through his own net shortly after the break. There was controversy a minute later when Ramsdale brought down Werner or Werner took out Ramsdale, depending on who you asked. Luckily the referee saw it as the latter and waved away Chelsea’s appeals for a penalty, with VAR seeing no reason to overturn the decision.

23 games, 35 points, another season of Premier League football all but assured with 15 games to spare.
 

In a parallel Universe, Hitler decided invading Poland wasn't for him and United dominated the 40s and 50s establishing ourselves as a longstanding top flight club. Hans Segers allegedly decides he was fine thanks and pulled off routine saves and the ref decided Anders Limpar should just get up, rather than benefit from a penalty and Everton sunk to the Championship at United's expense. Years later, the league executed the only option available on West Ham and relegated them meaning a dead rubber was played out between Wigan and the Blades on the final day. Meanwhile someone in China decided that Bat soup wasn't for them as the Blades cruised into the last Champions League spot for the first time in our history...
 
And instead of banging hands together to show appreciation, people flailed their arms around their heads and made high pitched 'lolling' sounds with their tongues.

'.. and Hammond walks off to a standing lolling from the appreciative Bramall Lane crowd after his 3 goal performance in this Champions League semi final first leg against Bangor City...'
 
This universe is getting boring and more and more depressing so I’ve decided to jump ship and go into an alternative reality.

So here I am on the Planet Finemargins, where things are much rosier.

In the opening game of the 2020-21 season Sheffield United faced Wolves. After a nervy first six minutes, United belatedly found their feet and gradually got back into the game to grind out a solid nil-nil draw.

Next up was a trip to Bournemouth, the team who had stayed up on goal difference on the last day of the previous season. After a 12th minute tussle saw both John Egan and Callum Wilson booked, John Lundstram calmly stroked home a first half penalty to secure the Blades’ first three-pointer of the season.

Leeds were next to face Wilder’s men, and again Lundstram proved the match winner. Despite Meslier doing brilliantly to get a hand on Lunny’s first half unstoppable point-blank piledriver, he couldn’t quite keep the ball out of the net. Neither could Ramsdale two minutes from time, but VAR came to United’s rescue when Bamford’s equaliser was ruled out after a clear foul on Berge in the build up. Three games, three clean sheets and seven points saw the Blades finish the weekend in a heady third place.

The early season momentum carried through to the trip to the Emirates. Only five minutes in and Arsenal were down to ten men after David Luiz saw red for pulling back Oli Burke when we was clean through on goal. Referee Lee Mason initially missed it, but VAR intervened and left the Gunners to face the uphill struggle of containing the in-form Blades for almost the entire 90 minutes. Still we left it late before Didsy McGoldrick curled in a superb 84th minute winner.

The Blades, now up to second in the table behind early pacesetters Everton, were really showing that the previous season had been anything but a flash in the pan.

Next up, opposition from the opposite end of the table as bottom place Fulham visited Fortress Bramall Lane. They left, however, with an unlikely point following a more than deserved 1-1 draw against their high-flying hosts. Still, an impressive haul of eleven points from the first five games saw the Blades cementing their place in the top three.

A daunting trip to reigning Champions Liverpool was next, but the Blades continued their fine early season form to come away with a battling point after a 2-2 draw. United had raced into a two-goal lead with two contentious first half penalties. First VAR upgraded a free kick on the edge of the area to a penalty after the foul was deemed to have been on the line and therefore in the penalty area, and then VAR added further salt to Liverpool’s salty wounds with a second controversial penalty when Robertson was harshly deemed to have handled in the area. Still, we’ve all seen them given. Ultimately the Champions fought back like Champions with goals from Firmino and Jota to rescue a point and prevent United from claiming an unexpected but fully-deserved top spot. Twelve points, unbeaten in six and second place was still a start to be more than proud of.

Next up were the superstars of Manchester City, and unsurprisingly the gulf in class, and finances, told and United tasted defeat for the first time with City running out winners by the odd goal with Blades fan Kyle Walker scoring the only goal against his boyhood club.

Things didn’t get any easier with a trip to Stamford Bridge, where United suffered their second consecutive defeat, going down 4-1 despite taking an early lead. It also saw them slipping out of the top six, but their twelve point haul was still only four points behind new league leaders, Southampton.

Back at Bramall Lane, United ended the two-game losing streak with a hard fought draw with West Ham. The Hammers took the lead thanks to Haller’s unstoppable rocket of a shot, but the Blades drew level with an unstoppable rocket of their own when McBurnie’s first goal of the season crashed in off the underside of the bar.

West Brom were next and United got back to winning ways with a 2-1 victory that in truth could and should have been more emphatic. Baldock and Mousset got the goals, but Burke and McBurnie were unlucky not to add their names to the scoresheet. Three more points saw United’s season’s haul rise to sixteen points, enough to see them back in the top six.

Leicester City came to the Lane and left with a point after a 1-1 draw. In truth they should have come away with more having hit the post three times, including a last minute let off when Jamie Vardy broke free following an uncharacteristic error by John Fleck. Still United’s point was their seventeenth of the season, enough to see them in seventh place.

But then Southampton away, oh dear. Three of their shots in the back of our net and not a single one of ours on target, saw us dropping out of the top half of the table for the first time in the season. The less said the better.

Next up, the visit of Manchester United. Last season Bramall Lane’s noisy faithful witnessed an exciting 3-3 draw, with Oli McBurnie earning a point right at the death, and this season they got more of the same. The original United again took an early lead only for the other United to equalise and add two more to take a two-goal lead of their own, setting up a grandstand finish where United #1 saved it at the death, this time even more dramatically than last. McGoldrick halved the deficit three minutes shy of the 90, and then substitute Lys Mousset completed the comeback with a shot that returning hero Dean Henderson could get a hand to but couldn’t keep out. So honours even, three goals and a point apiece, and F.C. United of Sheffield up to 18 points.

A trip to the Amex followed and the Blades got back to winning ways. Despite going down to ten following Lundstram’s first half dismissal, United went one and then two up through Bogle’s and Burke’s first goals for the club. Welbeck clawed one back late on, but it wasn’t enough to stop the Blades from claiming their fifth three points and ninth place in the league with an impressive 21 points - more than halfway to the mythical safety of 40 points with 24 games still to play.

In-form Everton were the next opponents, but were totally out of form as they bored their way to a nil-nil draw with an equally out of sorts United. In all honesty it was more than either side deserved after failing to create much excitement for the bumper Boxing Day crowd on a wet and windy night.

For the final game of 2020 the happy Blades were at Jordan North’s “happy place”, Turf Moor. And it proved to be an equally happy place for Rhian Brewster, as he claimed his first ever Premier League goal when his near-post header from Ampadu’s corner nestled in the net despite Ashley Westwood’s best efforts on the line. Another header from a corner, this time by Burnley’s Ben Mee, levelled things up before halftime, and despite United dominating possession for the remainder of the game, that’s how it ended, one apiece.

So 2020 ended with United on 23 points, well established in the top half and well positioned for another tilt at Europe in 2021.

The new year began at Selhurst Park and it certainly began badly when, within the first four minutes, Jeffrey Schlupp, via two unfortunate deflections, put Palace one up. The half almost ended like it had begun but just as Eze was about to pull the trigger having run with the ball from deep in his own half, the referee blew his whistle to signal the end of five minutes stoppage time. The second half began and suddenly Palace were down to nine. First Zaha saw red, via VAR, for putting his hands in Bogle’s face, and then VAR intervened again to persuade Stuart Attwell to upgrade his yellow for Eze’s ‘enthusiastic’ tackle on Ampadu’s ankle. Still, United had to wait till the 90th minute to make their numerical superiority count when 16-year-old substitute and debutant Antwoine Hackford’s snap-shot, following Basham’s clever back-heel on the byeline, squeezed in between defender and goalkeeper to level things up and give Hackford the dream end to his first start.

After a FA Cup third round win away at Bristol Rovers it was back to Bramall Lane for the visit of struggling Newcastle. And struggle they duly did against a rampant Blades, who dominated play in a fantastic first-half performance, who did everything but put the ball in the back of the net. Newcastle’s Ryan Fraser saw red for two yellows in the dying minutes of the half, and it was only a matter of time before they conceded. Which they eventually did when Billy Sharp converted the 73rd minute penalty he’d won, and David McGoldrick tapped in an unmissable tap-in after Brewster’s 20-yard strike had struck the foot of the post and fallen at his feet in front of an open goal. It was United‘s sixth win of the season and Wilder‘s 106th as the Blades boss, and left the club sitting pretty in eighth place on 27 points, above big guns like Chelsea and Arsenal and little peashooters like Leeds.

And so to Gameweek 19, the halfway point of the season, with Tottenham the visitors to Bramall Lane. Not much to write home about (even though we were at home) as we disappointed in a 3-1 reverse, Didsy’s glancing header a rare highlight.

So with half a season gone, let’s have a look at the table...

So with half a season gone, let’s have a look at the table...

Man City 19 12 5 2 41
Leicester 19 11 3 5 38
Man Utd 19 11 5 3 38
Tottenham 19 9 6 4 33
Liverpool 19 8 8 3 32
Everton 19 9 4 6 31
West Ham 19 8 6 5 30
Bournemouth 19 9 2 8 29
Chelsea 19 8 5 6 29
Southampton 19 8 5 6 29
Sheffield United 19 6 9 4 27
Arsenal 19 7 3 9 24
Leeds 19 7 2 10 24
Crystal Palace 19 5 6 8 21
Wolves 19 5 5 9 20
Burnley 19 5 5 9 20
Newcastle 19 5 4 10 19
Brighton 19 3 7 9 16
Fulham 19 2 7 10 13
West Brom 19 1 5 13 8

Sheffield United in a very respectable eleventh, as close to second spot as to relegation. Bring on the second half...

And what a daunting start to the second half - an in-form Manchester United away. Not too daunting for the Blades though who, with a makeshift team costing peanuts (though admittedly you can buy quite a lot of peanuts for £4,000,000 (+ Ramsdale)), stunned a sold-out Old Trafford with a stunning 2-1 victory - Original United’s first at Imposter United since 1973.

Three days later the daunting ask got a whole lot more daunting - another game in Manchester, a couple of miles down the road against an even more in-form City. Not that these Blades are easily daunted. Falling behind to a goal after defensive incompetence left both sets of fans shouting “Jesus” (but for very different reasons), we stayed in the game, restricting City to very few sights of goal. Then, with time running out, John Fleck caught Billy Sharp’s chest-back perfectly and his strike fizzed into the far corner past Ederson’s flailing fingertips. Two trips over the Snake Pass, four more points towards the push towards Europe.

After the team at the top, came the team at the bottom. A fourth game in seven days saw rock bottom West Brom take on the mid-table Blades for the second time. And just like the first time it ended up 2-1 to the not rock bottom team from Sheffield. The Baggies actually led at half time through a Matt Phillips’ tap in following a Ramsdale double save, but the Blades came roaring back, first through Bogle’s snap shot and then through Billy Sharp’s trademark smart finish.

Next up, Chelsea. Despite the Londoners having overwhelming possession, shots on goal were evenly shared, as ultimately were the points. Chelsea took the lead through Mason Mount just before half-time, only for Rudiger to comically put through his own net shortly after the break. There was controversy a minute later when Ramsdale brought down Werner or Werner took out Ramsdale, depending on who you asked. Luckily the referee saw it as the latter and waved away Chelsea’s appeals for a penalty, with VAR seeing no reason to overturn the decision.

23 games, 35 points, another season of Premier League football all but assured with 15 games to spare.

Superb!

I'll have a pint of whatever you're drinking.
 
Back to the Cup, back to winning ways and back to the Quarter Finals for the second year running. This time the other Bristol were the casualties, with Billy Sharp’s 66th minute penalty proving decisive.

After the cup, the league, and our old ‘friends’ West Ham. But the less said about the 3-0 defeat the better, so we’ll say no more about it.

Moving swiftly on, five days later we made another trip to London, this time a little more productively. Relegation looked a little less likely for plucky Fulham after an hour when Ademola Lookman put them in the lead, just as he had done in the reverse fixture back in October. But just as in the reverse fixture, the Blades battled back with a late Billy Sharp penalty earning a share of the points after the Fulham keeper crudely wiped out Jayden Bogle, earning himself a red card in the process.

36 points, 13 to play.
 
Keep this going mate it’s better than reality.
 

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