SITUATION VACANT
Sheffield United F.C. have a vacancy for a temporary right back. Applicant should have own teeth, and tights, and be capable of trotting out a litany of piss-poor excuses for losing when interrogated outside public houses.
The inability to park any motor vehicle, even with the help of a designated grown-up, like their mum, should not deter any possible applicant from putting their name forward, as full valet parking by semi-drunk professionals is included.
Benefits include free match day clothing, thus negating the need for a variety of retina-searing clothing or ratty old knitted hoodie things worn by applicants with less fashion sense than Silverfox. And gloves, for those who may be delicate of finger, Bramall Lane being so near the Arctic Circle after all.
Ideal applicants should suit the mould of Sheffield United defender and be either fast, tough, or a short-arse.
Please send all applications via this forum to Mousey For Right Back Campaign, and label your CV with "I've got my own tights and I'm proud of it."
