Balham
S24SU Seer
Ahead of tomorrow's Championship game I thought I'd have a look back at one of the seminal games of Nigel Clough's reign as we lost 5-3 to Hull with a team of grafters. The turning point was nobody bothering to close down human cargo chip Tom Huddlestone as he took aim from 25 yards just after half time but it was nice to see United score a first goal at Wembley in over 20 years.
GK Mark Howard: left United for Bolton in the summer of 2016 having spent most of his Blades career swapping with George Long. Now with Carlisle in League Two having had spells at Blackpool and Scunthorpe.
DR John Brayford: talismanic full-back whose purchase held us back more than his subsequent knee injury. Last United appearance ended with a 0-3 home defeat to Southend, paid up by United he moved to Burton three days later. Still at the Brewers but surely a matter of time until he moves to Mansfield for another reunification with Nigel Clough.
DC Neill Collins: ended up exiled by Clough who preferred anyone else at centre half, a decision which culminated in the ridiculous 5-5 draw at Swindon in the 2014/15 playoffs. Outlasted his nemesis by half a season before moving to Tampa Bay Rowdies in the second tier of US football where he’s now Head Coach, probably still blaming Harry Maguire for his mistakes
DC Harry Maguire: forced his way out of United after the 2013/14 season, overcoming sunstroke to join Steve Bruce’s Hull but found an obstacle in the shape of the manager’s son in his way. Became a first choice after Judas’s departure and earned a £17m move to Leicester where his continued good form attracted a lunatic £80m move to Manchester United. Still the world’s most expensive defender.
DL Bob Harris: brought in exchange for Tony McMahon in one of the best swap deals we’ve ever done. Dropped through the divisions and had extended spells without a club after leaving United: Fleetwood, Bristol Rovers, Telford, FC United of Manchester. As far as I can tell he’s now retired (at the age of 34) but he’s on LinkedIn if anyone wants to check
MR Ryan Flynn: lightweight Scottish winger who flattered to deceive despite coming having a spell in the Liverpool academy. Joined United from boyhood club Falkirk and made over 150 appearances in red and white, scoring some critical goals including the winner at Villa in the FA cup run. Another who left United in the summer of 2016, he joined Oldham but left there in 2018 to join St Mirren where he has a bit-part role as they push for European qualification in the Scottish Premiership
MC Conor Coady: boyhood Liverpool fan on loan for the 2013/14 season from the Reds. Endeared himself to United with some committed displays despite being a loanee. Priced out of a move to Bramall Lane by his parent club (we were quoted over £1m) he moved instead to Championship Huddersfield later in the summer of 2014 for £400k. Left Huddersfield for Wolves in a £2.5m deal after one stellar season. Now captaining the Wolves side he’s gone from strength to strength in the middle of a back three and is now a rotation player for England
MC Michael Doyle: you could never question Doyle’s commitment or application and he will forever be fondly remembered for the Cockney walk celebration after the penalty shootout victory over West Ham at the Boleyn but the fact remains that United finished lower in every season he was at the Lane bar his last. Has endeared himself to Portsmouth, Coventry and now Notts County fans since leaving United: he’s still playing at National League level at the age of 40. No surprise that he was the player trying in vain to get back and defend the break which ended in Hull’s fifth in injury time.
MC Stefan Scougall: diminutive midfielder who was another lightweight Clough signing from north of the border, joining from Livingston for £150k in January 2014. Left United for St Johnstone at the end of the 2016/17 sesaon and is now at Alloa Athletic (playing alongside Conor Sammon) having crossed back into England for a season with Carlisle in between. Restored our lead at Wembley, drilling a Murphy cross in from 10 yards. The video of him being thrown about in the Bradford penalty area (it's not sumo when he's 9 stone) is still one of the most watched on United's YouTube channel.
ML Jamie Murphy: joined United from Motherwell in January 2013, became a bit of a cult hero with an eye for a spectacular goal. United’s lack of progress (or some incredible foresight) saw him force through a £2m move to Brighton after we lost 4-0 to Gillingham on the opening day of the 2015/16 season. Lost his place in the Brighton team after their promotion to the Premier League before moving to Rangers in January 2018, initially on loan before making the deal permanent in the summer. Suffered a catastrophic knee injury almost immediately after joining Rangers resulting in a year out and arguably hasn’t been the same since. Joined Hibs on loan for the 20/21 season then permanently in the summer but has since been loaned out, rejoining Nigel Clough at League Two Mansfield. Scored our third at Wembley to give us a brief bit of hope before Meyler caught us on the break to make it 5-3.
FW: Jose Baxter: if he’s not Sitwell’s favourite ever United player he’s certainly in the top 1. Two drugs bans, idiotic red cards and the occasional ability to do something spectacular suggests that professionalism, rather than ability, was the problem. David Weir signed him for £400k from Oldham having worked with him in the Everton academy; scored the opener in the semi final. Left United under a cloud after the second failed drugs test resulted in a year long ban; tried to get back into the game through Everton U23s, Plymouth and Memphis but gave up in August 2021. Class A wanker.
Subs:
GK George Long: academy product who made 123 appearances but became a lightening rod for fans’ criticism. Made 31 appearance in the shambolic 2015/16 season but only four more appearances following the Wilder revolution, he moved to Wimbledon on loan in 2017/18 after spending the rest of the 2016/17 season on the bench. Left permanently for Hull in the summer of 2018 where he was in and out of the team and is now Millwall’s backup keeper.
DF Matt Hill: whole-hearted defender who made nearly 90 appearances for us. Primarily a left back but frequently filled in at centre half where he won a surprising number of headers for someone only 5’7” tall. Retired after spells at Tranmere, Bradford PA and Stafford Rangers, his son James recently chose to join Bournemouth over United although it’s not exactly clear where we would have found £1.6m to pay for him.
CF Chris Porter: cult hero, another whole-hearted but limited player from the mid 2010s. If he scored, we were apparently on the pitch which belies a decent FA Cup goalscoring record in red and white: 6 goals in 14 appearances. Joined Colchester on a free in January 2015 then moved to Crewe where he’s scored 44 league goals in 160 league appearances. Still going at 38.
MF Steven McGinn: final one of Clough’s lightweight Scottish midfield quartet who flattered to deceive during his 18 months at Bramall Lane. Left for Dundee in January 2015 and has had spells at Wycombe, St Mirren, Hibs and Greenock Morton before joining Kilmarnock in the summer.
MF Ben Davies: joined United as Clough started trying to reunite his Derby side, initially on loan before signing a permanent deal in the summer of 2014. Left United for Portsmouth in 2016 where he became a popular right back before finishing his career in Lincolnshire with spells at Grimsby, Boston and Cleethorpes.
DF Kieron Freeman: a man who refused to give up on his United career despite being frozen out on a number of occasions: reading between the lines he’s a man not scared to voice his opinion (was it him who accurately called Nigel Adkins a “fucking dickhead” to his face?). Initially a loan signing from Derby, he joined permanently in January 2015 having cut short a loan at League Two Mansfield. Left United on a free in the summer of 2020 but spent six months without a club before a bizarre sequence of events saw him join Swindon for a month then Swansea for half a season. Now at Portsmouth.
DF Tel Kennedy: academy prospect who played alongside Maguire in the FA Youth Cup finalist side but whose career was decimated by recurrent knee injuries. Left United in 2016 and bounced around at National League North for a while. Last seen winning the Lottery.
GK Mark Howard: left United for Bolton in the summer of 2016 having spent most of his Blades career swapping with George Long. Now with Carlisle in League Two having had spells at Blackpool and Scunthorpe.
DR John Brayford: talismanic full-back whose purchase held us back more than his subsequent knee injury. Last United appearance ended with a 0-3 home defeat to Southend, paid up by United he moved to Burton three days later. Still at the Brewers but surely a matter of time until he moves to Mansfield for another reunification with Nigel Clough.
DC Neill Collins: ended up exiled by Clough who preferred anyone else at centre half, a decision which culminated in the ridiculous 5-5 draw at Swindon in the 2014/15 playoffs. Outlasted his nemesis by half a season before moving to Tampa Bay Rowdies in the second tier of US football where he’s now Head Coach, probably still blaming Harry Maguire for his mistakes
DC Harry Maguire: forced his way out of United after the 2013/14 season, overcoming sunstroke to join Steve Bruce’s Hull but found an obstacle in the shape of the manager’s son in his way. Became a first choice after Judas’s departure and earned a £17m move to Leicester where his continued good form attracted a lunatic £80m move to Manchester United. Still the world’s most expensive defender.
DL Bob Harris: brought in exchange for Tony McMahon in one of the best swap deals we’ve ever done. Dropped through the divisions and had extended spells without a club after leaving United: Fleetwood, Bristol Rovers, Telford, FC United of Manchester. As far as I can tell he’s now retired (at the age of 34) but he’s on LinkedIn if anyone wants to check
MR Ryan Flynn: lightweight Scottish winger who flattered to deceive despite coming having a spell in the Liverpool academy. Joined United from boyhood club Falkirk and made over 150 appearances in red and white, scoring some critical goals including the winner at Villa in the FA cup run. Another who left United in the summer of 2016, he joined Oldham but left there in 2018 to join St Mirren where he has a bit-part role as they push for European qualification in the Scottish Premiership
MC Conor Coady: boyhood Liverpool fan on loan for the 2013/14 season from the Reds. Endeared himself to United with some committed displays despite being a loanee. Priced out of a move to Bramall Lane by his parent club (we were quoted over £1m) he moved instead to Championship Huddersfield later in the summer of 2014 for £400k. Left Huddersfield for Wolves in a £2.5m deal after one stellar season. Now captaining the Wolves side he’s gone from strength to strength in the middle of a back three and is now a rotation player for England
MC Michael Doyle: you could never question Doyle’s commitment or application and he will forever be fondly remembered for the Cockney walk celebration after the penalty shootout victory over West Ham at the Boleyn but the fact remains that United finished lower in every season he was at the Lane bar his last. Has endeared himself to Portsmouth, Coventry and now Notts County fans since leaving United: he’s still playing at National League level at the age of 40. No surprise that he was the player trying in vain to get back and defend the break which ended in Hull’s fifth in injury time.
MC Stefan Scougall: diminutive midfielder who was another lightweight Clough signing from north of the border, joining from Livingston for £150k in January 2014. Left United for St Johnstone at the end of the 2016/17 sesaon and is now at Alloa Athletic (playing alongside Conor Sammon) having crossed back into England for a season with Carlisle in between. Restored our lead at Wembley, drilling a Murphy cross in from 10 yards. The video of him being thrown about in the Bradford penalty area (it's not sumo when he's 9 stone) is still one of the most watched on United's YouTube channel.
ML Jamie Murphy: joined United from Motherwell in January 2013, became a bit of a cult hero with an eye for a spectacular goal. United’s lack of progress (or some incredible foresight) saw him force through a £2m move to Brighton after we lost 4-0 to Gillingham on the opening day of the 2015/16 season. Lost his place in the Brighton team after their promotion to the Premier League before moving to Rangers in January 2018, initially on loan before making the deal permanent in the summer. Suffered a catastrophic knee injury almost immediately after joining Rangers resulting in a year out and arguably hasn’t been the same since. Joined Hibs on loan for the 20/21 season then permanently in the summer but has since been loaned out, rejoining Nigel Clough at League Two Mansfield. Scored our third at Wembley to give us a brief bit of hope before Meyler caught us on the break to make it 5-3.
FW: Jose Baxter: if he’s not Sitwell’s favourite ever United player he’s certainly in the top 1. Two drugs bans, idiotic red cards and the occasional ability to do something spectacular suggests that professionalism, rather than ability, was the problem. David Weir signed him for £400k from Oldham having worked with him in the Everton academy; scored the opener in the semi final. Left United under a cloud after the second failed drugs test resulted in a year long ban; tried to get back into the game through Everton U23s, Plymouth and Memphis but gave up in August 2021. Class A wanker.
Subs:
GK George Long: academy product who made 123 appearances but became a lightening rod for fans’ criticism. Made 31 appearance in the shambolic 2015/16 season but only four more appearances following the Wilder revolution, he moved to Wimbledon on loan in 2017/18 after spending the rest of the 2016/17 season on the bench. Left permanently for Hull in the summer of 2018 where he was in and out of the team and is now Millwall’s backup keeper.
DF Matt Hill: whole-hearted defender who made nearly 90 appearances for us. Primarily a left back but frequently filled in at centre half where he won a surprising number of headers for someone only 5’7” tall. Retired after spells at Tranmere, Bradford PA and Stafford Rangers, his son James recently chose to join Bournemouth over United although it’s not exactly clear where we would have found £1.6m to pay for him.
CF Chris Porter: cult hero, another whole-hearted but limited player from the mid 2010s. If he scored, we were apparently on the pitch which belies a decent FA Cup goalscoring record in red and white: 6 goals in 14 appearances. Joined Colchester on a free in January 2015 then moved to Crewe where he’s scored 44 league goals in 160 league appearances. Still going at 38.
MF Steven McGinn: final one of Clough’s lightweight Scottish midfield quartet who flattered to deceive during his 18 months at Bramall Lane. Left for Dundee in January 2015 and has had spells at Wycombe, St Mirren, Hibs and Greenock Morton before joining Kilmarnock in the summer.
MF Ben Davies: joined United as Clough started trying to reunite his Derby side, initially on loan before signing a permanent deal in the summer of 2014. Left United for Portsmouth in 2016 where he became a popular right back before finishing his career in Lincolnshire with spells at Grimsby, Boston and Cleethorpes.
DF Kieron Freeman: a man who refused to give up on his United career despite being frozen out on a number of occasions: reading between the lines he’s a man not scared to voice his opinion (was it him who accurately called Nigel Adkins a “fucking dickhead” to his face?). Initially a loan signing from Derby, he joined permanently in January 2015 having cut short a loan at League Two Mansfield. Left United on a free in the summer of 2020 but spent six months without a club before a bizarre sequence of events saw him join Swindon for a month then Swansea for half a season. Now at Portsmouth.
DF Tel Kennedy: academy prospect who played alongside Maguire in the FA Youth Cup finalist side but whose career was decimated by recurrent knee injuries. Left United in 2016 and bounced around at National League North for a while. Last seen winning the Lottery.
