Absolutely Fantastic, a 'Must Read'

[Sean the Blade]

This was written by a guy called MokoFlynn, a word-smith who contributes to the Crossed Blades, after constantly being modded (like myself) on 606... It is brilliant>

We’re doomed, we’re doomed”, they were heard to say
Those Wednesdayites on the Cardiff away day
“We’ve not been good, we could be down alas”
“It may not yet matter against Crystal Palace”

But Crystal Palace weren’t up to scratch
When they played West Brom in their penultimate match
So it would be Palace’s championship “Goodbye”
Should they to slip to defeat when visiting the Sty

Now that final match was billed as big
The stands were filled with many a pig
The Hillsborough ground was loud and bouncing
As the Owls tried hard to avoid a good trouncing

The piggies on the terraces raised their voice
Quite positive that they’d soon rejoice
Hillsborough’s supporting girders began to shake
Causing even more blue paint to flake

They had to win, no good a draw
Or they’d leave the Championship once more
And it wasn’t to be by a promotion
It would be relegation, also known as demotion

And how they tried, they did, God bless
To extricate themselves from the relegation mess
As in the story that as kids we all knew
They huffed and puffed and blew and blew

But to Palace’s delight and many a Blade’s glee
They succumbed to a header from Alan Lee
The home crowd at Ipswich became bemused
On hearing loud cheers they were left confused

But suddenly Danny Butterfield slipped
Or by Leon Clarke was his heel clipped?
Regardless, as Butterfield kicked out at thin air
Clarke ran on to score to Palace’s despair

Now what happened next is worth recording
In celebration Clarke kicked the advertising hoarding
To all Blades’ delight and all piggies’ woe
The pillock dislocated his own big toe

After a much delayed half time refresher
The Owls started the second half applying much pressure
But their back four seem a disorganised bunch
And it was bound to happen – the sucker punch

The defence was asleep in such a doze
Palace regained the lead from Darren Ambrose
You could see the Owls droop, their spirit waned
Their attacking pressure couldn’t be maintained

As the crowd urged them on again to do battle
They stumbled around like a herd of cattle
So the master plan to control these heifers
Was to send on a donkey – Franny Jeffers

It all became frantic as time ticked away
Division 1 loomed at the end of the day
And as the piggies thought it could get no worse
Came a very late leveller from Darren Purse

Now the resultant draw saw Wednesday drop
But some supporters took on more than a strop
If the team couldn’t beat Palace fair and square
They’d beat them themselves, Clint Hill beware

 

[Vistoma]

Very very good

 

[Darren]

I think Carol Ann Duffy's job is safe

And can we stop referring to the 3rd Division as Division 1! First Division 2 was Division 1 and now Division 3 is Division 1. Where will it end - by the time I am drawing my pension, the Sheffield and Hallamshire County League Division 3 will no doubt be the First Division.....

 

[GRUMPY BLADE]

I think Carol Ann Duffy's job is safe

And can we stop referring to the 3rd Division as Division 1! First Division 2 was Division 1 and now Division 3 is Division 1. Where will it end - by the time I am drawing my pension, the Sheffield and Hallamshire County League Division 3 will no doubt be the First Division.....

with the pigs firmly entrenched in there.

 

[broomhillblade]

Not bad - but it's hardly Shakespeare.

 

[super_pig]

over to you then mate..

 

[Trigger Blade]

Not bad - but it's hardly Shakespeare.

No, but there's a very definite hint of the great McGonagall

 

[Coily]

 

[Sean the Blade]

Couldn't resist having a go myself...

“Dearly belove-ed” the vicar did say
“We are gathered, right here, on this very day
To witness the passing of our Championship status,
Our realisation that our best years are behind us”

“We started out season so proud, so cock-sure
Only to see it decline, in depths of odure.
Our strikers can’t strike our defenders defend
We thought Alan Irvine our failings would mend”

“But with investment a whisker, a hand grasp away
A damned pitch invasion could cause further delay!
And like a good Catholic, you must blame yourself
It isn’t my fault we’re on the footballing shelf!”

“I promised investment, success I would land
But finances are tighter than my gastric band!
We’re drowning in debt, we run at a loss
But unlike our stands, I’ll coat it with gloss”

“But what of the World Cup?” I hear a mourner call
“To showcase our city, the home of football?”
“We don’t have the cash, there’s not enough to go round
To update our players, let alone our decrepit ground”

“But we fill our sty right up to the last remaining rafter
And all we hear from S2 is hysterical laughter
We are a BIG club, you told us all, right?
So how do we find find ourselves in such a plight?”

The vicar he turns “You must keep the faith
I’m doing all that I can to banish the wraith
As I will look forwards, not backwards you see
Our future is rosey, even though in division 3”

“Form is brief, class is permanent
So you can guarantee our continued descent
My reasoning’s flawed, my excuses lame
But history’ll see the first non-league venue for a world cup game!”