Ladder, hooker or annoying f****r

[GreasyChipBeattie]

Being over 6' tall, it was always me who had the job of shuffling sideways with someone on my shoulders hooking the net onto the crossbar before the game.
Without fail, some annoying little cretin would smash one in before the job was done, opening the floodgates.
Once that had happened, it was always a race to get finished before copping for a wayward shot on the back of the head.
So come on, which one were you?

 

[Esablade]

Ladder...but I could reach the hooks on the crossbar on some goals, so 'part-time-hooker' too

 

[Alfreton14Blade]

True story.

Me & my mates used to climb over the wall to play on the King Teds' pitches in front of the school on an evening now & then. During a game once, when the side I was on was spending an unusually long spell in the other side's half, laying assault on their goal (i.e. about 3 minutes), a quick breakaway occurred, with the end result that the other side ran the ball into a gaping,empty net.

Cause? The mate who we'd chucked in net wasn't really interested in football, had spent the last few minutes happily trying to impersonate Spiderman & had got helplessly entangled in the net. Shit Spiderman, shit goalie.

 

[SwissBlade]

Peg man and Annoying fucker

 

[Esablade]

True story.

Me & my mates used to climb over the wall to play on the King Teds' pitches in front of the school on an evening now & then. During a game once, when the side I was on was spending an unusually long spell in the other side's half, laying assault on their goal (i.e. about 3 minutes), a quick breakaway occurred, with the end result that the other side ran the ball into a gaping,empty net.

Cause? The mate who we'd chucked in net wasn't really interested in football, had spent the last few minutes happily trying to impersonate Spiderman & had got helplessly entangled in the net. Shit Spiderman, shit goalie.

Was he called Casper?

 

[Sean Thornton]

True story.

Me & my mates used to climb over the wall to play on the King Teds' pitches in front of the school on an evening now & then. During a game once, when the side I was on was spending an unusually long spell in the other side's half, laying assault on their goal (i.e. about 3 minutes), a quick breakaway occurred, with the end result that the other side ran the ball into a gaping,empty net.

Cause? The mate who we'd chucked in net wasn't really interested in football, had spent the last few minutes happily trying to impersonate Spiderman & had got helplessly entangled in the net. Shit Spiderman, shit goalie.

Bollocks Alf, that's more or less from Kes!

Argos, now!

 

[Sean Thornton]

Was he called Casper?

Beat me to it. McDowell.

 

[Alfreton14Blade]

Bollocks Alf, that's more or less from Kes!

Argos, now!

True guv, honest!

To make it all the weirder, the kid in question shares a name with a Football Heaven presenter. It couldn't be, could it?...

 

[Barney]

Bollocks Alf, that's more or less from Kes!

Argos, now!

Don't know about you, but I'm off t' press about this.

 

[Sean Thornton]

True guv, honest!

To make it all the weirder, the kid in question shares a name with a Football Heaven presenter. It couldn't be, could it?...

Big headed Paul Walker?

 

[Alfreton14Blade]

Big headed Paul Walker?

Nah, & not the Rovrum piggy, nor the smerk berm guy.

Just a coincidence, but a strange one nonetheless! Unless, that is, the rumours are true that AG can't sleep at night without at first donning his favourite PJs...

 

[Greenwich Blade]

Annoying fucker.

At school, doing Games (at High Storrs this meant PE outside), Mr Lynch, the Games Master, was getting me to demonstrate the next exercise of gently throwing the ball and getting me to tap it back into his arms, then repeat, repeat, repeat.

Of course, my mates quietly egged me on to blast it back at him as hard as I could. So I did; absolutely wellied it, right past him as well, albeit sadly lacking in the cheers I was expecting from my friends, just a few stifled sniggers.

Mr Lynch turned around and watched in silence as the ball continued to roll away across the field then when it came to a halt just said, "Right, go and fetch it..."

 

[Barney]

Annoying fucker.

At school, doing Games (at High Storrs this meant PE outside), Mr Lynch, the Games Master, was getting me to demonstrate the next exercise of gently throwing the ball and getting me to tap it back into his arms, then repeat, repeat, repeat.

Of course, my mates quietly egged me on to blast it back at him as hard as I could. So I did; absolutely wellied it, right past him as well, albeit sadly lacking in the cheers I was expecting from my friends, just a few stifled sniggers.

Mr Lynch turned around and watched in silence as the ball continued to roll away across the field then when it came to a halt just said, "Right, go and fetch it..."

Teacher at ours used to have us do laps of the field for the rest of the session for any messing about. Little did he know that as soon as we were out of sight we'd be picking up all the golf balls from the neighbouring course and selling them off to the regulars for a cut price. We eventually sussed it and started messing about intentionally. Made a decent wedge out of that.

 

[sitwell]

Always used to use a chair ,but if it was wet ,you just had to hope you could get the net in the loop before one leg sank in and made you look a twat.

 

[wizadry]

I just used to get some other daft fucker to put the nets up.

 

[GRUMPY BLADE]

I just used to get some other daft fucker to put the nets up.

Never any nets on the rugger pitch

 

[Sean Thornton]

I just used to get some other daft fucker to put the nets up.

 

[wizadry]

Never any nets on the rugger pitch

I could put the nets up on the subbuteo table though, I was just big enough.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Never any nets on the rugger pitch

Or high I.Q's

 

[1889]

I remember at school I just lived for playing football so was gutted when we had to waste a games lesson playing basketball in the gym. At some point the teacher briefly left us unattended and seizing my chance, I smashed a great left foot volley against the gym wall. Unfortunately, or perhaps predictably, the basketball rebounded and hit one of my classmates square on the back of his head, knocking him out cold, just as the PE teacher walked back into the gym. Funny but, although he hadn't seen me kick it, he automatically seemed to know it was me?

 

[COME BACK CHED]

Nets you puffs , we had two piles of old coats , and to space them out , we did ten little strides between them at our end , and ten big ones at their end .

 

[Billyblade]

We had 2 house bricks and did slide tackles through dog toffee

I remember hearing once about a player who was taking the nets down on his own. He was jumping up and unhooking when his wedding ring caught on one of the hooks and on his descent ripped his finger off True story or urban myth?

Edit - found it
http://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/player-loses-finger-freak-accident-3167974

 

[1danewhitehouse]

Ladder

 

[Bladesway]

Being over 6' tall, it was always me who had the job of shuffling sideways with someone on my shoulders hooking the net onto the crossbar before the game.
Without fail, some annoying little cretin would smash one in before the job was done, opening the floodgates.
Once that had happened, it was always a race to get finished before copping for a wayward shot on the back of the head.
So come on, which one were you?

Being over 6' tall means you also can't tell which part of the forum threads are supposed to go in at a guess?

 

[metty]

The goal posts on our home ground had hooks along the uprights as well as the cross bar and our keeper used to jump onto the bar and fasten the hooks with his free hand. He always made a show of this until one day he slipped and happened to leave one (it might have been both) of his bollocks on one of the upright hooks. Not a pretty sight.

 

[mattbianco1]

Always a hooker and usually sat on some fat smelly kids shoulders

 

[pommpey]

We (Moreland Juniors U13s) had an away game at Ecclesfield. Eccy were running us ragged and were 19-0 up late into the second half. I was sub and really, I didn't want to go on and chase the ball and Eccy about. Literally as we'd kick off, they'd win the ball, pass it to their Lionel Messi who'd dance round our helpless defence and whang it into the top corner. Nineteen times. Me and the other sub were busy looking at the horse in the next field and feeding him grass. Then I got the shout ... I took me tracky off and went on. The other sub however had enticed the horse through the fence and it followed me on and wouldn't sod off, and was galloping about, avoiding every effort to catch it. The game was abandoned at 23-0 to the Eccy Massive (thank fuck) and I got about twenty seconds of pitch time.

And there were no nets - just bare, rusty posts that had probably been there since 1925. Full sized an'all. With our keeper all 4'11" of him in the goal. I think two of their goals actually didn't go in, not that that would have made much difference.

pommpey

 

[Jesus_was_a_Blade]

Me and the other sub were busy looking at the horse in the next field and feeding him grass.

Couldn't keep a straight face while reading this bit pommpey

 

[Classof85]

Couldn't keep a straight face while reading this bit pommpey

Makes 2 of us

 

[pommpey]

Couldn't keep a straight face while reading this bit pommpey

Well, when you've lost count of the goals flying in and its cold as the surface of Pluto you need summat to keep your attention. That horse saved us from a 68-0 drubbing. How embarrassing would THAT have been, eh?

pommpey