I'm not sure where this is going, but....

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Tidzablade

Tidzablade

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Up in the hills!
having had a few days to contemplate the whole issue I feel the need to write something.
Many things have been posted about Gary and what must have been going on in his mind, but the truth is I don't think we'll ever know. The Black dog of depression is a serious matter in all walks of life and also something that is not much spoken about, especially in the male dominated world of football.
Who among us remembers the tragic tale of Robert Enkle, the German international goalkeeper who threw himself in front of a train!
Everyone seems to be saying how happy Gary looked on Saturday and that they can't understand why this could have happened, but a happy facade can easily hide underlying problems.
The day I tried to take my own life I was extremely happy. I'd made my mind up a week previously that I was tired of the sleepless nights, the tears, the feeling of complete helplessness and despair. I had written letters to everybody important to me and left them gifts, and on the day I was extremely happy that within a few hours all the pain and hurt would be over within a few hours. I went to work as normal, picked up my pay, had a few beers with the boys and nobody could sense a thing was wrong.
Fortunately I was saved, and after 8 long weeks in the hospital I came out to build a better and happier life for myself. Sadly for Gary this wasn't the case.
Although he may be gone, he has left a lot of memories for football fans across the country, whether he played for your club or not, and no one can doubt that he was a model professional in a game that has gone to far towards money and greed.
My only hope for the outcome of this whole torrid affair is that we, as a footballing community, can learn to look out for each other better, try to spot the little signals that mean all is not right and try to eradicate some of the stigma associated with depression. Maybe then Gary Speeds unfortunate and untimely passing won't have been in vain.
I've nothing more to say at the moment except Rest In Peace Gary Speed, it was an honour to have you at our club.

Tidza.
 

PeterNdlovu081 said:
Why is everyone taking it as fact that he was depressed?
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Do you prefer some of the wilder speculation then, Pete? 'Doing the decent thing' in the face of a terrible scandal perhaps (I think this went out of fashion when Queen Vicky was alive, btw...), or perhaps something more sordid.

We are all still guessing, and trying to make sense of it all, but the most likely explanation is the simple one. It has been very touching, imo, that so many people have felt that this is an opportunity to express their own experiences with depression, something that has been very difficult to do, and still is really, due to the stigma of mental illness. I too have had my run-ins with depression since being a teenager, and although it has never been as severe as some of our fellow posters, it has marred periods of my life and relationships. Some people use faith, some alcohol or drugs. For me, I fight it each day with a positive mental attitude, which has become my shield. I force myself to find and hold a positive outlook, sometimes against the realities of what is happening in my life. It works for me, and now I am in my 50's I am actually pretty content and have accepted a lot of the difficult stuff thats hard to come to terms with. But I still get really deeply fed-up about a bunch of stuff, from family frustrations to the human aging process.

The thing is, that no matter what you try to think, brains have a mind of their own, and disecting Gary's actions on an internet forum to find a motive, trying to rationalise an irrational act is a bit pointless. The inquest will bring out all the details in due course. Of course there is the possibility that we might never know for sure, but if they rule out scandals and misadventures, then you are really only left with one thing...
 
DuncDisorderly said:
Do you prefer some of the wilder speculation then, Pete? 'Doing the decent thing' in the face of a terrible scandal perhaps (I think this went out of fashion when Queen Vicky was alive, btw...), or perhaps something more sordid.

We are all still guessing, and trying to make sense of it all, but the most likely explanation is the simple one. It has been very touching, imo, that so many people have felt that this is an opportunity to express their own experiences with depression, something that has been very difficult to do, and still is really, due to the stigma of mental illness. I too have had my run-ins with depression since being a teenager, and although it has never been as severe as some of our fellow posters, it has marred periods of my life and relationships. Some people use faith, some alcohol or drugs. For me, I fight it each day with a positive mental attitude, which has become my shield. I force myself to find and hold a positive outlook, sometimes against the realities of what is happening in my life. It works for me, and now I am in my 50's I am actually pretty content and have accepted a lot of the difficult stuff thats hard to come to terms with. But I still get really deeply fed-up about a bunch of stuff, from family frustrations to the human aging process.

The thing is, that no matter what you try to think, brains have a mind of their own, and disecting Gary's actions on an internet forum to find a motive, trying to rationalise an irrational act is a bit pointless. The inquest will bring out all the details in due course. Of course there is the possibility that we might never know for sure, but if they rule out scandals and misadventures, then you are really only left with one thing...
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I generally believe that all the speculation is people just trying to find away to understand Gary's passing, nobody wants the scandal. Unfortunatley with the inquest being put back the speculation will probably die down a bit, but still continue. I myself am unsure if I want to know or not, but I do hope that in the end if this is all down to depression and not the scandals speculated, that Gary's passing helps other sport's people and people in general seek out the help they turly need, whether that's from loved ones or the help of professionals in their battle to beat the black dog.

It's been an emotional time and seeing peoples tributes has brought tears and smiles, but reading others personal stories of their dark days has been both difficult and helpful, and also very interesting in the fact that they've felt so strong about Gary's death that it's made them want to speak out about their own problems and or help others understand that there are other options and light in even the littlest corner of a big dark room.
 
DuncDisorderly said:
It has been very touching, imo, that so many people have felt that this is an opportunity to express their own experiences with depression, something that has been very difficult to do, and still is really, due to the stigma of mental illness.
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This.

Whatever I think about Speedo's reasons I have been amazed at the number of people that have found the courage to now speak openly and honestly about their own problems. This forum now feels like a different place. I myself have had (and continue to have) trouble which, because I don't like to reveal too much about myself will not go into detail here. One thing that has actually brought a wry smile to my face is that there is an alarming number of Blades that have struggled with depression. If it weren't such a serious matter, there's a joke in there.
 
TarquinDelouche said:
This.

Whatever I think about Speedo's reasons I have been amazed at the number of people that have found the courage to now speak openly and honestly about their own problems. This forum now feels like a different place. I myself have had (and continue to have) trouble which, because I don't like to reveal too much about myself will not go into detail here. One thing that has actually brought a wry smile to my face is that there is an alarming number of Blades that have struggled with depression. If it weren't such a serious matter, there's a joke in there.
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I suppose the question is are we all depressed because we support SUFC or do we support SUFC because we are all depressive

:)
 
PeterNdlovu081 said:
Why is everyone taking it as fact that he was depressed?
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I think the reason for this is that it's the most plausible reason. The only other reason is probably press intrusion.
All the people I have spoken to are completely stunned by this and can't figure out why he's done it. It seems to have had a dramatic effect on football and it's supporters, more than when George Best died because in Georges case everyone could see it coming because of his drinking. In Garys case it has shocked everybody.
I snatched a glimpse of something on the news this morning that said since Sunday 10 professional footballers had contacted a certain sports clinic for help, I can't remember the name of the place but it's the one that helped Tony Adams out, and this is un-heard of from the clinics point of view. It just shows the tremendous amounts of pressure that modern football professionals are under.
 
Tidzablade said:
I think the reason for this is that it's the most plausible reason.
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It might be plausable but who's to say its the most plausable?

We have no idea what circumstances led to it, its possible that only Gary will ever know.

Most people are assuming it was due to despression, there is no evidence whatsoever to back that up.

At this moment in time, with the absence of any reported facts it is only as likely as anything else.

I do agree though, that your opening post was very insightful regarding that subject.
 
Fair point PS, and you are quite right that the only person who will ever know the truth was Gary himself. I personally wouldn't want it to be anything more underhand though, like press intrusion or blackmail.
I just hope that the inquiry brings some kind of closure to his family and doesn't leave them in limbo forever wondering why.
 

PeterNdlovu081 said:
Why is everyone taking it as fact that he was depressed?
Click to expand...

Everything we have heard from those who knew him well suggests Speedo wasn't depressed. I accept that he may have kept his depression hidden - & I'm certainly no expert on the illness - but it just seems to me that at least some of those closer to him would have picked up on it if he had been depressed.
 
I don't think that it has yet been officially stated that it was suicide. Foul play has been ruled out but there is a chance it could have been an accident. Though Tidza Blade's post illustrates that those who take their own lives don't necessarily appear depressed beforehand.
 
It has been said early on by the police it was suicide - you can presume from that there was a note. it hasnt been said what was in the note. his family claim to be mystified. i am guessing the note said " forgive me I am sorry " or the like
i dont think we will ever know what went down but frankly does it matter. Its a tragedy end of.
 
It has been said early on by the police it was suicide - you can presume from that there was a note. it hasnt been said what was in the note. his family claim to be mystified. i am guessing the note said " forgive me I am sorry " or the like
i dont think we will ever know what went down but frankly does it matter. Its a tragedy end of.
 
I hate to buck the trend, but I feel only sympathy for his family, who hes abandoned, depression or not
suicide is a selfish act,Iwonder if his 2 kids will understand why he decided to opt out
 
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