Jon Bon
Here's Jonny!
- Banned
- #1
The announcement of the death of The Dan Burn Rumour across news channels worldwide yesterday was, in the words of the veteran rumour itself, ‘a little premature’.
In an extraordinary twist following yesterday’s announcement, The Dan Burn Rumour took to Twitter to quash the rumour of the rumour’s death tweeting - “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated”. “The loan window is open, anything can still happen”. The statement sparked a mad rush to the keyboard for Blades fans worldwide who were desperate to post their own rumour thread concerning the about-turn rumour and Blades forum Blades Re-United was brought to a grinding halt as an estimated 6 people tried to log on at the same time.
Our reporter Hamilton Cocksides is live now at Bramall Lane. Hamilton, what’s the atmosphere like there at the moment?
Well Huw, it’s been absolutely mad! As people were waking up to the news and checking their phones and tablets, they started to make their way here with what I can only describe as ‘blind euphoria’. It’s a little quieter now but around an hour and a half ago, there must have been upwards of at least 15 people thronging the car park here, some of them in fancy dress, it's a real party atmosphere.…er, we’ve had people dressed as doctors waving clipboards with ‘Dan Burn Medical’ written on them, people have been turning up with home made cardboard licence plates and leaving them on parked cars here... er..... we’ve had a Vauxhall Astra with ‘DAN 1’, a white Mondeo sporting ’13 URN’ even ‘13URN5 4L1V3’ doing the rounds on a Rav 4, it’s been really mental, it really has.
Now I understand you’ve also had a bit of a celebrity there as well....?
Yes, that’s right Huw. Perennial lanky prankster Peter Crouch, the Stoke City substitute has come down and he’s been driving around wearing a Fulham shirt, pretending to be Dan Burn, jumping in and out of his car and waving to the crowds, much to their delight, especially after taking in a local news crew who went scampering up to the top of the car park believing that the messiah had actually arrived, only to have to return to a chorus of ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’ from the assembled masses.
So, The Dan Burn Rumour is very much alive but what of the man himself? Has there been any sign of him?
No not yet Huw but the Blades fans have been pulling out all the stops to make sure that any arrival doesn’t go unnoticed. Supporters have taken up positions at every major route into the city and they'll be using a special piece of kit which detects expensive alloy wheels, much the same as those which would adorn the vehicle of a 'Fancy Dan' London footballer. Apparently this machine goes 'mad with rage', I've been told, when it detects any so we'll have to wait and see. Also, as we speak, Quiffy’s Dad, the veteran future Blade spotter, is driving around the city in a fast car and he’ll be methodically visiting every petrol station in Sheffield looking for any sign of a seven foot man buying chewing gum. So you can be sure if he does arrive, we should have plenty of warning.
What the fuck have I just reported on???