Pompey Watch

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pommpey

pommpey

THE FUTURE ... AS IT USED TO BE
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Wecome to episode six of 'Pompey Watch', the occasional series highlighting the goings on at League Division One's serial fail-team Sheffield United's dustbin club, Portsmouth FC.

Our correspondent has already bulletined the widespread acceptance of midfield dynamo Micheal Brow ... sorry ... Doyle and Ben Davies, the wingback wizard. Marky-Sparky McNulty is currently smashing them in in both the bar and the box at Farty Park and is reaching legendary status. "Mush .. 'eeez ffffacken' mint inneee, mush?' said one regular at the local boozer, The Frog and Cunt.

Now the back page of the Portsmouth Evening News, otherwise known as the Pompey Liar, reveals that Keiran Freeman has pledged his oath of allegiance to the club and is working with fitness coaches to get him up to speed and a regular place in the squad. It says he was out of favour with the club and looking forward to playing ona regaular basis for the south coast outfit.

Now it is revealled that Pompey boss Cook is after another midfield dwarf by the name of Stefan Scougall, once he's finished playin David Platt in Corrers. He could be the piece in the jigsaw we really need, Cook will probably say.

I am of the mind to remind Cook that there are a whole load of outher shithouses sat in our squad currently not showing any potential he might wanna look at.

He can have the fucking chairman as well, if he's bothered.

pommpey
 

pommpey said:
reveals that Keiran Freeman has pledged his oath of allegiance to the club and is working with fitness coaches to get him up to speed and a regular place in the squad.
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Would suggest that he couldn't be bothered to 'get up to speed' with us...well there's one answer why Adkins bombed him out..
 
Esablade said:
Would suggest that he couldn't be bothered to 'get up to speed' with us...well there's one answer why Adkins bombed him out..
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Like the majority of the squad - happy to take the money rather than work hard and prove themselves at a big club. Hope Adkins bombs the lot out ASAP.
 
I personally don't see the point? Freeman, Doyle, McNulty, Davies...whether it be sucking lollipops or draping jumpers, I couldn't give a flying what they're doing now. They've gone.
 
Do they have a prince of Pompey. If not, well you know the rest...
 
I've never liked Portsmouth. Bunch of tax-dodging serial administration wankers. And that fucking cock rash with the "pompey chimes" can fuck off to the seventh circle of hell and burn for all eternity, along with the bell ends from the Pig band.

McCuntly and his merry bunch of Joey Essex-clone wankers from Edinburgh can stay down there and never ever come back as well.
Although Freeman won't have a choice in the matter. One strong gust of sea air and he'll never be seen again.
 
BushBlade said:
It's only a matter of time before they start blaming Clough.
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Clough got them on a good financial footing with all the cutbacks which has helped them in achieving some very good players for the level after he left.

What they as a club seem to be doing now is spoiling what Clough did and making every bad decision possible. One of those decisions was appointing a managerial novice so to speak, who has never managed a football club before. Another decision was whilst being a novice not giving him long enough when still in a good position, how the fuck has anyone got a chance of succeeding! I hope they fail because of this reason.

P.S. I know your post was in jest at our board.
 
Barney said:
I personally don't see the point? Freeman, Doyle, McNulty, Davies...whether it be sucking lollipops or draping jumpers, I couldn't give a flying what they're doing now. They've gone.
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49925576.jpg


SRSLY

pommpey
 

Tyler Durden said:
I've never liked Portsmouth. Bunch of tax-dodging serial administration wankers. And that fucking cock rash with the "pompey chimes" can fuck off to the seventh circle of hell and burn for all eternity, along with the bell ends from the Pig band.

McCuntly and his merry bunch of Joey Essex-clone wankers from Edinburgh can stay down there and never ever come back as well.
Although Freeman won't have a choice in the matter. One strong gust of sea air and he'll never be seen again.
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By all accounts, and maybe pommpey can clarify this, but by all accounts the bloke with the blue hair and the bell has got a serious personal hygiene problem and stinks.......
 
brownie said:
By all accounts, and maybe pommpey can clarify this, but by all accounts the bloke with the blue hair and the bell has got a serious personal hygiene problem and stinks.......
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And he's shirtless most of the time too. Imagine having a season ticket nearby? You'd have to hear AND smell the twat for 90 mins every other other week.
 
brownie said:
By all accounts, and maybe pommpey can clarify this, but by all accounts the bloke with the blue hair and the bell has got a serious personal hygiene problem and stinks.......
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Is the truth. John 'PFC' Westwood is even loathed by his own fellow mushers. Former colleague of mine is a female security officer at FP and confirms, 'the fat cunt stinks' (her words)

They moved him from their Kop to the left corner by the away fans because of the complains from ST holders. Everyone there complained. They moved him back.

pommpey
 
Her indoors is a Pompey fan and former season ticket holder there. She also has family in Petersfield. Couldn't we have picked another club to dump our rubbi..... players on ffs??? Its causing acute marital ructions and the financial strain of now having to attend Relate sessions as the Pompey slide down the table. As the Counsellor (a Greek Cypriot who follows all things Arsenal and Apoel) explained,"There's no blame culture here of course but its Sheffield United's fault". I may have to openly denounce the club, renounce my vows and take up Zivanir and Opium again to get my life back on track.

ps She said the shirtless one was always a smelly bell-end, but at least it was an honest smell unlike the one that emanates from Bramall Lane's dressing and Board rooms.
 
Cyprus Blade said:
Her indoors is a Pompey fan and former season ticket holder there. She also has family in Petersfield. Couldn't we have picked another club to dump our rubbi..... players on ffs??? Its causing acute marital ructions and the financial strain of now having to attend Relate sessions as the Pompey slide down the table. As the Counsellor (a Greek Cypriot who follows all things Arsenal and Apoel) explained,"There's no blame culture here of course but its Sheffield United's fault". I may have to openly denounce the club, renounce my vows and take up Zivanir and Opium again to get my life back on track.

ps She said the shirtless one was always a smelly bell-end, but at least it was an honest smell unlike the one that emanates from Bramall Lane's dressing and Board rooms.
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She's from Pompey as well then, Cyprus?

pommpey
 
Cyprus Blade said:
Indeed she is. My excuse is she ticked the right boxes - hates shopping, chocolate, the colour pink, chick flicks and the top six, likes partying, northern soul, football, cricket, rugby, war movies and sci -fi. :D
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Which district? And how did you meet her? Pompey lasses usually mate with their own (hence the thickening gene pool) or with matelots (which has saved the whole region from reverting to Cro-Magnon and Neandertal species.

Does she say 'Reeend a reeend der reeeenerbeeeyt' (Round and round the roundabout) and 'Faaahken sorrrtder eeeeyt' (Fucking sort her out)
and finish each sentenece with either 'mush' or 'cahhnt'?

Pompey lasses. Robust. Built for the long haul. Unsophisticated yet unique. A bit like Gleadless Valley, by the sea.

pommpey
 
pommpey said:
Which district? And how did you meet her? Pompey lasses usually mate with their own (hence the thickening gene pool) or with matelots (which has saved the whole region from reverting to Cro-Magnon and Neandertal species.

Does she say 'Reeend a reeend der reeeenerbeeeyt' (Round and round the roundabout) and 'Faaahken sorrrtder eeeeyt' (Fucking sort her out)
and finish each sentenece with either 'mush' or 'cahhnt'?

Pompey lasses. Robust. Built for the long haul. Unsophisticated yet unique. A bit like Gleadless Valley, by the sea.
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The Relate Counsellor has advised me not to answer if I value my tackle. :D

marriage.jpg
 

Flawed said:
Is that the one where people tried raving before rave music was invented? ;)
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That's the one. The scene people have come back to, if they ever went in the first place, in their late fifties, wearing bags vests circle skirts and Bobby sox, although several sizes bigger!

Not the best look as a visit to Maggie Mays will show.

:)
 
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