Funny things you've overheard in the stands

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Mid '80's when the kop was standing only.

A youth behind us was complaining about being searched before he was able to enter.

"That bastard copper took mi can of salmon, he said it was a weapon for throwing". "I told him it was for mi Nan Nan's cat". "He took it anyway, the bastard"

I teld him "If I were gunna through it, I'd 'ave bought a tin o' beans"

"Bastard".
 

After signing Sun Ji Hai from Everton, a happily drunken guy behind me started warbling ' Sun Ji Hai, Sun Ji Hai, He's a Chinky, not a Thai. Magnificently childish.
 
We we're playing Grimsby about 15/16 I was sat on kop and one of their players was down injured. "My mate" was alittle pissed.and he shouted "what's up has he got a hook in his hand". Stunned silence.

I've...shit "my mate" has never lived it down to this day.
 
diode_blade said:
Mid 80's home game, HT had come, was very similar to one of Bart simpsons prank calls to Moe's, announcement over tannoy system,
"would Dr White please report immediately to the changing rooms...", kop just burst out laughing....
There were at time on telly a lot of adverts for these
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Omg!!! I remember asking my Uncle why everyone was laughing, I was only about 10. He was so uncomfortable trying to explain and has re-told the story at family gatherings more than once.
 
I've mentioned before in another thread a few years ago, Rochdale at home just before Christmas 2014, the ref did himself a mischief and a bizarre tannoy announcement came over asking if there was a qualified ref in the ground (to be 4th official), one of the blokes in the group near us, dry as you like says 'If they cant find anyone will one of the player's Dads have to do it?' Funny as fuck at the time ..... you had to be there !!
 
Doncaster away, plenty of banter, Donny fan, about 15, enters, saunters over to his mates,he's wearing the brightest yellow jacket and is stunned by the away end bursting into "if you wear a yellow jacket you're a ****.

Leon Knight "nah then tha little Jackson Five bastard....."
 
“Too Slooooow”
Same man. In his late 50s. About 300 times per match.
Pukka Pie Corner for about 5 years from 2007 onwards (used to have season ticket there).

Maybe he’s still there
 
dublin 10 blade said:
Was stood on kop with a few mates , the ref was fucking appalling, we wouldn’t have got a kick in a stampede of the fucker , everyone was fuming and after about 80 minutes of utter frustration
Steg ,my mate let out a shout
Ref that about as much good as a left handed wank
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Left handed wanks are great, it feels like someone else is doing it. Added bonus is sitting on your hand for five minutes then pull the old pud............. Just realised I am a pervert who needs a girlfriend or maybe I just need to get out some more.
 
Loving this thread, been chuckling to myself. Loved the randomness of Weismuller and recognise one or two other stories on here.

The best I can offer is the bloke who sits (or used to) behind the away dug out. Any away player who got subbed, just before he ducked into the dugout, no matter how well he had played, would be treated to...

“Thas had a shocker kid!”

Didn’t matter if he did have a stinker or if he’d scored a hat-trick, always on queue.
 
diode_blade said:
Mid 80's home game, HT had come, was very similar to one of Bart simpsons prank calls to Moe's, announcement over tannoy system,
"would Dr White please report immediately to the changing rooms...", kop just burst out laughing....
There were at time on telly a lot of adverts for these
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Click to expand...
I remember that so well mate. 😂
 

Few years ago Cheesy Sinclair was giving an award out at HT to some poor cunt who hadn't missed a home game in 40 plus years or the like. Can't remember name.
Just before Sinclair got to the punchline bloke 3 seats down shouts..
"Unfortunately (name) couldn't be here today to collect their award"
 
Around 10 years ago I was sat with my son towards the front of John Street. We are comfortably beating Palace when a young Victor Moses trots towards us to retrieve the ball for a throw in. Wag beside me shouts “ tha’s got a mountain to climb now Moses” loud enough for him to hear and grimace at.

I’m eternally grateful to them both because the wife’s mother died less than a week later and “tha’s got a mountain to climb” kept her smiling occasionally over the following days.
 
Hillsboro Blade said:
Left handed wanks are great, it feels like someone else is doing it. Added bonus is sitting on your hand for five minutes then pull the old pud............. Just realised I am a pervert who needs a girlfriend or maybe I just need to get out some more.
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no mate you are normal ;)
 
Birdwell Blade said:
Loving this thread, been chuckling to myself. Loved the randomness of Weismuller and recognise one or two other stories on here.

The best I can offer is the bloke who sits (or used to) behind the away dug out. Any away player who got subbed, just before he ducked into the dugout, no matter how well he had played, would be treated to...

“Thas had a shocker kid!”

Didn’t matter if he did have a stinker or if he’d scored a hat-trick, always on queue.
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who are the people on the kop who always shout 'pig pig pig' when the oppo makes a substitution. now i know the pigs are massive but they can't 'all' have played for them surely???
 
super_pig said:
who are the people on the kop who always shout 'pig pig pig' when the oppo makes a substitution. now i know the pigs are massive but they can't 'all' have played for them surely???
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Trying to get your attention ,I will suggest they try super super super
;)
 
" nah then linesman" who's 10 yards away " thee wife's at hooam in bed wi a Wednesdayite, " pause " a black one "

it's what I heard
 
Back of the Kop in the Blackwell era. Mid-way through a 0-0 draw with Forest. Bramall Lane is falling asleep. Then, from the back couple of rows, just as the crowd noise lulls to its quietest, the deepest voice I have ever heard addresses the away end:

“Fuuuuuuuckingggg scrubberrrrrrrrrsss!!!!”

His voice sounded like the noise someone makes when they’re violently sick and it reverberates in the bathroom/enclosed space.
 
Coventry away in the Warnock promotion season - we took 5000+ fans and seemingly no players turned up... One randomly southern Blade stood up and shouted 'Why don't you fack off back to Cornwall Warnock you big nosed caaaaant' - very bizarre.

Game also memorable for a sheep seemingly invading the ground during a minutes silence...
 
The “I am Spartacus” incident!

Still makes me laugh, we were playing Preston at home probably 20 years ago, I think we were losing 0-2 after about 20 mins (to the sound of “can we play you every week” from the travelling fans) when the ref sustained an injury and couldn’t continue. The Lino took over and the fourth official slid in, shortly after there was a tannoy announcement asking if there was a referee in the crowd?

It all went quiet whilst we absorbed this information then a bloke on the Kop shouted “I am a referee!” Followed quickly by people in the South Stand, John Street until most of the 20,000 were shouting........

As a postscript we went on to win 3-2, to a rousing response chorus of “can we play you every week”
 
Not what I had overheard, something I saw in the Kop that I thought was funny to watch (some may not find it funny). It was when we played at home to Ipswich in March 1988. Richard Cadette scored for us early in the game at the Lane End, there were a group of Blades fans in front of me wildly hugging a black Blade fan and patting his back quite hard. Cadette scored another goal and the same group again celebrated wildly with the same black Blade. The black Blade took it well and was all smiles.
 

Something not spoken but seen. Away game at Coventry, us away fans are positioned down one side from the goal line to about the halfway line. We were attacking the goal closest to us. Perfect position to judge offsides and with the linesman right in front of us. To say he was having a bad game would be an understatement He got decision after decision wrong and in favour of Coventry.

Then we played a ball forward and our player was clearly offside. The linesman sticks his flag up. A Blade just to my left runs to the front, jumps over the wall, hops over the advertising hoardings and confronts the linesman. I'm thinking 'shit this isn't going to end well'. Linesman turns to face him and the Blade sticks out his hand and gives him a warm handshake in appreciation of him finally getting one right.

Everyone bursts out laughing including the linesman and a copper who'd gone toward the two of them also laughed and employed common sense by letting the Blade rejoin his mates. Probably been locked up and given three months if it happened today.
 
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