Balham Blade
S24SU Seer
Where are they now?
Hull City 5 (Sagbo, Fryatt, Huddlestone, Quinn, Meyler)
Sheffield United 3 (Baxter, Scougall, Murphy)
FA Cup Semi Final, Wembley, 13 April 2014
GK Mark Howard: left United for Bolton in the summer of 2016 having spent the most of his Blades swapping with George Long. Now with FC Disney+ in the National League having had spells at Blackpool, Scunthorpe and Carlisle but has recently lost his place to moneyball signing Ben Foster.
DR John Brayford: talismanic full-back whose purchase held us back more than his subsequent knee injury. Last United appearance ended with a 0-3 home defeat to Southend, paid up by United he moved to Burton three days later. Still turning out for the Brewers at 35 despite Nigel Clough having been in charge of nearby Mansfield for over a year, recently scored the opening goal against our neighbours as they continued to wobble at the top of League One
DC Neill Collins: ended up exiled by Clough who preferred anyone else at centre half, a decision which culminated in the ridiculous 5-5 draw at Swindon in the 2014/15 playoffs. Outlasted his nemesis by half a season before moving to Tampa Bay Rowdies in the second tier of US football where he’s been Head Coach for nearly 5 years but is probably still blaming Harry Maguire for his mistakes
DC Harry Maguire: forced his way out of United after the 2013/14 season, overcoming sunstroke to join Steve Bruce’s Hull but found an obstacle in the shape of the manager’s son in his way. Became a first choice after Judas’s departure and earned a £17m move to Leicester where his continued good form attracted a lunatic £80m move to Manchester United. Dropped down the pecking order under ten Hag but still the world’s most expensive defender and probably the most expensive fourth choice for any position.
DL Bob Harris: brought in exchange for Tony McMahon in one of the best swap deals we’ve ever done. Dropped through the divisions and had extended spells without a club after leaving United: Fleetwood, Bristol Rovers, Telford, FC United of Manchester. As far as I can tell he’s now retired (at the age of 35) but he’s on LinkedIn, where he describes himself as an "unattached professional footballer", if anyone wants to check
MR Ryan Flynn: lightweight Scottish winger who flattered to deceive despite coming having a spell in the Liverpool academy. Joined United from boyhood club Falkirk and made over 150 appearances in red and white, scoring some critical goals including the winner at Villa in the FA cup run. Another who left United in the summer of 2016, he joined Oldham but left there in 2018 to join St Mirren where he has a bit-part role as they push for European qualification in the Scottish Premiership
MC Conor Coady: boyhood Liverpool fan on loan for the 2013/14 season from the Reds. Endeared himself to United with some committed displays despite being a loanee. Priced out of a move to Bramall Lane by his parent club (we were quoted over £1m) he moved instead to Championship Huddersfield later in the summer of 2014 for £400k. Left Huddersfield for Wolves in a £2.5m deal after one stellar season. Went from ever-present Wolves captain to being bombed out to Everton on loan by ex-boss Bruno Lage. You would imagine he fits the bill as a Sean Dyche permanent transfer.
MC Michael Doyle: you could never question Doyle’s commitment or application and he will forever be fondly remembered for the Cockney walk celebration after the penalty shootout victory over West Ham at the Boleyn but the fact remains that United finished lower in every season he was at the Lane bar his last. Has endeared himself to Portsmouth, Coventry and now Notts County fans since leaving United: he was still playing at National League level at the age of 40. Became assistant head coach at Notts County in 2021, moved to Forest Green in 2022 with ex-County boss Ian Burchnall but left when Burchnall and his team were sacked in January with Forest Green floundering at the bottom of League One.
MC Stefan Scougall: diminutive midfielder who was another lightweight Clough signing from north of the border, joining from Livingston for £150k in January 2014. Left United for St Johnstone at the end of the 2016/17 sesaon and is now at Alloa Athletic (playing alongside Conor Sammon) having crossed back into England for a season with Carlisle in between. Restored our lead at Wembley, drilling a Murphy cross in from 10 yards
ML Jamie Murphy: joined United from Motherwell in January 2013, became a bit of a cult hero with an eye for a spectacular goal. United’s lack of progress (or some incredible foresight) saw him force through a £2m move to Brighton after we lost 4-0 to Gillingham on the opening day of the 2015/16 season. Lost his place in the Brighton team after their promotion to the Premier League before moving to Rangers in January 2018, initially on loan before making the deal permanent in the summer. Suffered a catastrophic knee injury almost immediately after joining Rangers resulting in a year out and arguably hasn’t been the same since. Joined Hibs on loan for the 20/21 season then permanently in the summer but was loaned out, rejoining Nigel Clough at League Two Mansfield for his final 6 months at Easter Road. Moved to St Johnstone in the summer and has been a regular in the Scottish Premiership this season. Scored our third at Wembley to give us a brief bit of hope before Meyler caught us on the break to make it 5-3.
FW: Jose Baxter: if he’s not sitwell ’s favourite ever United player he’s certainly in the top 1. Two drugs bans, idiotic red cards and the occasional ability to do something spectacular suggests that professionalism, rather than ability, was the problem. David Weir signed him for £400k from Oldham having worked with him in the Everton academy; scored the opener in the semi final. Left United under a cloud after the second failed drugs test resulted in a year long ban; tried to get back into the game through Everton U23s, Plymouth and Memphis but gave up in August 2021. Class A wanker.
Subs:
GK George Long: academy product who made 123 appearances but became a lightening rod for fans’ criticism. Made 31 appearance in the shambolic 2015/16 season but only four more appearances following the Wilder revolution, he moved to Wimbledon on loan in 2017/18 after spending the rest of the 2016/17 season on the bench. Left permanently for Hull in the summer of 2018 where he was in and out of the team and is now Millwall’s first choice keeper as they target a Championship play off place
DF Matt Hill: whole-hearted defender who made nearly 90 appearances for us. Primarily a left back but frequently filled in at centre half where he won a surprising number of headers for someone only 5’7” tall. Retired after spells at Tranmere, Bradford PA and Stafford Rangers and is now managing the latter. Son James chose to join Bournemouth over United last season although it’s not exactly clear where we would have found £1.6m to pay for him.
CF Chris Porter: cult hero, another whole-hearted but limited player from the mid 2010s. If he scored, we were apparently on the pitch which belies a decent FA Cup goalscoring record in red and white: 6 goals in 14 appearances. Joined Colchester on a free in January 2015 then moved to Crewe where he’s scored 44 league goals in 160 league appearances. Still going at 39 and on Oldham’s books but only made 3 appearances back in August as they struggle in the National League.
MF Stephen McGinn: final one of Clough’s lightweight Scottish midfield quartet who flattered to deceive during his 18 months at Bramall Lane. Left for Dundee in January 2015 and has had spells at Wycombe, St Mirren, Hibs, Greenock Morton and Kilmarnock before joining Scottish League One side Falkirk in the summer.
MF Ben Davies: joined United as Clough started trying to reunite his Derby side, initially on loan before signing a permanent deal in the summer of 2014. Left United for Portsmouth in 2016 where he became a popular right back before finishing his career in Lincolnshire with spells at Grimsby, Boston and Cleethorpes. Now assistant manager at the Mariners.
DF Kieron Freeman: a man who refused to give up on his United career despite being frozen out on a number of occasions: reading between the lines he’s a man not scared to voice his opinion (allegedly called Nigel Adkins a “fucking dickhead” to his face). Initially a loan signing from Derby, he joined permanently in January 2015 having cut short a loan at League Two Mansfield. Left United on a free in the summer of 2020 but spent six months without a club before a bizarre sequence of events saw him join Swindon for a month then Swansea for half a season. Now at Portsmouth but has only made one league appearance this season.
DF Tel Kennedy: academy prospect who played alongside Maguire in the FA Youth Cup finalist side but whose career was decimated by recurrent knee injuries. Left United in 2016 and bounced around at National League North for a while. Last seen winning the Lottery while working as a builder.
Hull City 5 (Sagbo, Fryatt, Huddlestone, Quinn, Meyler)
Sheffield United 3 (Baxter, Scougall, Murphy)
FA Cup Semi Final, Wembley, 13 April 2014
GK Mark Howard: left United for Bolton in the summer of 2016 having spent the most of his Blades swapping with George Long. Now with FC Disney+ in the National League having had spells at Blackpool, Scunthorpe and Carlisle but has recently lost his place to moneyball signing Ben Foster.
DR John Brayford: talismanic full-back whose purchase held us back more than his subsequent knee injury. Last United appearance ended with a 0-3 home defeat to Southend, paid up by United he moved to Burton three days later. Still turning out for the Brewers at 35 despite Nigel Clough having been in charge of nearby Mansfield for over a year, recently scored the opening goal against our neighbours as they continued to wobble at the top of League One
DC Neill Collins: ended up exiled by Clough who preferred anyone else at centre half, a decision which culminated in the ridiculous 5-5 draw at Swindon in the 2014/15 playoffs. Outlasted his nemesis by half a season before moving to Tampa Bay Rowdies in the second tier of US football where he’s been Head Coach for nearly 5 years but is probably still blaming Harry Maguire for his mistakes
DC Harry Maguire: forced his way out of United after the 2013/14 season, overcoming sunstroke to join Steve Bruce’s Hull but found an obstacle in the shape of the manager’s son in his way. Became a first choice after Judas’s departure and earned a £17m move to Leicester where his continued good form attracted a lunatic £80m move to Manchester United. Dropped down the pecking order under ten Hag but still the world’s most expensive defender and probably the most expensive fourth choice for any position.
DL Bob Harris: brought in exchange for Tony McMahon in one of the best swap deals we’ve ever done. Dropped through the divisions and had extended spells without a club after leaving United: Fleetwood, Bristol Rovers, Telford, FC United of Manchester. As far as I can tell he’s now retired (at the age of 35) but he’s on LinkedIn, where he describes himself as an "unattached professional footballer", if anyone wants to check
MR Ryan Flynn: lightweight Scottish winger who flattered to deceive despite coming having a spell in the Liverpool academy. Joined United from boyhood club Falkirk and made over 150 appearances in red and white, scoring some critical goals including the winner at Villa in the FA cup run. Another who left United in the summer of 2016, he joined Oldham but left there in 2018 to join St Mirren where he has a bit-part role as they push for European qualification in the Scottish Premiership
MC Conor Coady: boyhood Liverpool fan on loan for the 2013/14 season from the Reds. Endeared himself to United with some committed displays despite being a loanee. Priced out of a move to Bramall Lane by his parent club (we were quoted over £1m) he moved instead to Championship Huddersfield later in the summer of 2014 for £400k. Left Huddersfield for Wolves in a £2.5m deal after one stellar season. Went from ever-present Wolves captain to being bombed out to Everton on loan by ex-boss Bruno Lage. You would imagine he fits the bill as a Sean Dyche permanent transfer.
MC Michael Doyle: you could never question Doyle’s commitment or application and he will forever be fondly remembered for the Cockney walk celebration after the penalty shootout victory over West Ham at the Boleyn but the fact remains that United finished lower in every season he was at the Lane bar his last. Has endeared himself to Portsmouth, Coventry and now Notts County fans since leaving United: he was still playing at National League level at the age of 40. Became assistant head coach at Notts County in 2021, moved to Forest Green in 2022 with ex-County boss Ian Burchnall but left when Burchnall and his team were sacked in January with Forest Green floundering at the bottom of League One.
MC Stefan Scougall: diminutive midfielder who was another lightweight Clough signing from north of the border, joining from Livingston for £150k in January 2014. Left United for St Johnstone at the end of the 2016/17 sesaon and is now at Alloa Athletic (playing alongside Conor Sammon) having crossed back into England for a season with Carlisle in between. Restored our lead at Wembley, drilling a Murphy cross in from 10 yards
ML Jamie Murphy: joined United from Motherwell in January 2013, became a bit of a cult hero with an eye for a spectacular goal. United’s lack of progress (or some incredible foresight) saw him force through a £2m move to Brighton after we lost 4-0 to Gillingham on the opening day of the 2015/16 season. Lost his place in the Brighton team after their promotion to the Premier League before moving to Rangers in January 2018, initially on loan before making the deal permanent in the summer. Suffered a catastrophic knee injury almost immediately after joining Rangers resulting in a year out and arguably hasn’t been the same since. Joined Hibs on loan for the 20/21 season then permanently in the summer but was loaned out, rejoining Nigel Clough at League Two Mansfield for his final 6 months at Easter Road. Moved to St Johnstone in the summer and has been a regular in the Scottish Premiership this season. Scored our third at Wembley to give us a brief bit of hope before Meyler caught us on the break to make it 5-3.
FW: Jose Baxter: if he’s not sitwell ’s favourite ever United player he’s certainly in the top 1. Two drugs bans, idiotic red cards and the occasional ability to do something spectacular suggests that professionalism, rather than ability, was the problem. David Weir signed him for £400k from Oldham having worked with him in the Everton academy; scored the opener in the semi final. Left United under a cloud after the second failed drugs test resulted in a year long ban; tried to get back into the game through Everton U23s, Plymouth and Memphis but gave up in August 2021. Class A wanker.
Subs:
GK George Long: academy product who made 123 appearances but became a lightening rod for fans’ criticism. Made 31 appearance in the shambolic 2015/16 season but only four more appearances following the Wilder revolution, he moved to Wimbledon on loan in 2017/18 after spending the rest of the 2016/17 season on the bench. Left permanently for Hull in the summer of 2018 where he was in and out of the team and is now Millwall’s first choice keeper as they target a Championship play off place
DF Matt Hill: whole-hearted defender who made nearly 90 appearances for us. Primarily a left back but frequently filled in at centre half where he won a surprising number of headers for someone only 5’7” tall. Retired after spells at Tranmere, Bradford PA and Stafford Rangers and is now managing the latter. Son James chose to join Bournemouth over United last season although it’s not exactly clear where we would have found £1.6m to pay for him.
CF Chris Porter: cult hero, another whole-hearted but limited player from the mid 2010s. If he scored, we were apparently on the pitch which belies a decent FA Cup goalscoring record in red and white: 6 goals in 14 appearances. Joined Colchester on a free in January 2015 then moved to Crewe where he’s scored 44 league goals in 160 league appearances. Still going at 39 and on Oldham’s books but only made 3 appearances back in August as they struggle in the National League.
MF Stephen McGinn: final one of Clough’s lightweight Scottish midfield quartet who flattered to deceive during his 18 months at Bramall Lane. Left for Dundee in January 2015 and has had spells at Wycombe, St Mirren, Hibs, Greenock Morton and Kilmarnock before joining Scottish League One side Falkirk in the summer.
MF Ben Davies: joined United as Clough started trying to reunite his Derby side, initially on loan before signing a permanent deal in the summer of 2014. Left United for Portsmouth in 2016 where he became a popular right back before finishing his career in Lincolnshire with spells at Grimsby, Boston and Cleethorpes. Now assistant manager at the Mariners.
DF Kieron Freeman: a man who refused to give up on his United career despite being frozen out on a number of occasions: reading between the lines he’s a man not scared to voice his opinion (allegedly called Nigel Adkins a “fucking dickhead” to his face). Initially a loan signing from Derby, he joined permanently in January 2015 having cut short a loan at League Two Mansfield. Left United on a free in the summer of 2020 but spent six months without a club before a bizarre sequence of events saw him join Swindon for a month then Swansea for half a season. Now at Portsmouth but has only made one league appearance this season.
DF Tel Kennedy: academy prospect who played alongside Maguire in the FA Youth Cup finalist side but whose career was decimated by recurrent knee injuries. Left United in 2016 and bounced around at National League North for a while. Last seen winning the Lottery while working as a builder.
