Balham Blade
S24SU Seer
Where are they now?
Manchester United 1 (Maguire)
Sheffield United 2 (Bryan, Burke)
21 January 2021
We went into the game with 5 points from 19 games, 12 points from safety with Manchester a point behind rivals City at the top of the table. No-one at all expected United to get anything other than a schooling but we somehow pulled off what should be considered an all-time Premier League upset. Kean Bryan glanced John Fleck’s corner off the far post in the 23rd minute before ex-Blade Harry Maguire nodded in a corner to equalise in the second half. The expected onslaught didn’t materialise and a quick break saw Oli The Burke’s 74th minute shot take a huge deflection off Axel Tuanzebe and go in off the crossbar for what turned out to be the winner.
GK: 1 Aaron Ramsdale – the former United youth product is now at Arsenal, where he’s sulking on the bench having lost his place to David Raya. A reliably bang average Premier League keeper with a habit of diving for shots he was never going to reach, we somehow doubled the £12.5m we paid Bournemouth in the summer of 2021 a year later.
WBR: 2 George Baldock. Furious Baldockiakos. Now a full international for Greece, he’s become virtually indispensable. End product remains a bit hit and miss but his aggression, enthusiasm and love for the club make him one of the first names on Heckingbottom’s teamsheet in the crunch games. We’ve missed him while he’s been out injured. Out of contract at the end of the season.
DCR: 6 Chris Basham. Despite being a Geordie, Basham has become Mr Sheffield United and has made over 380 appearances for us. Joined as one of Nigel Clough’s first signings in July 2014 and if he stays to the end of his contract next year he will have been with United for 10 years. Lost his place under Jokanovic as we attempted to move to a back 4 then became understudy to Anel Ahmedhodzic. Suffered that horror injury at Fulham which has ended his season and quite possibly his United career. Contract up at the end of the season.
DC: 15 Phil Jagielka – covered repeatedly in these reports. Over 760 career appearances at United (287), Everton (384), United (22), Derby (21) and most recently Stoke (47). 40 England caps. Still going at 41 but currently unattached. We should probably sign him again.
DCL: 22 Ethan Ampadu – a £7m signing for Leeds (Championship) in the summer, Ampadu spent last season getting Spezia relegated to Serie B after spending a year getting Venezia relegated to Serie B after spending the season before getting United relegated to the Championship. Undoubtedly technically proficient but inescapably nesh.
WBL: 29 Kean Bryan – signed as a bit of a punt by Wilder in the summer of 2018, Bryan was first understudy to O’Connell and was then unable to take advantage of O’Connell’s knee injury. Left United for West Brom in 2021 but frequent injuries saw him only make three appearances for the Baggies before he was released in the summer. Given that injury record he’d fit right back in at the Lane.
MCR: 7 John Lundstram – at Rangers (Scotland). The less said about Lundstram in 2021/22 the better as he downed tools and set about padding his passing stats for a big move. Ended up at Rangers in the summer of 2022 where fans initially excited about his signing soon realised that they’d signed an average mercenary.
MC: 16 Oli Norwood – still at the Lane and another seemingly indispensable player under all our recent managers, Norwood has repaid his meagre £1.75m transfer fee many times over. The architect of the successful Wilderball rise and, unfortunately, a key component of its downfall as teams realised that the Norwood ‘ping’ to the wingbacks was the key. By shutting Norwood and highlighting his lack of mobility teams have been able to make United a lot less effective so questions are beginning to be asked about his long term future at the Blades. Under contract to the end of this season.
MCL: 4 John Fleck – one of Wilder’s first signings and was talked about as a £20m target for Arsenal at the top of our rise. Nothing came of that and Fleck’s form and fitness have suffered since. In and out of the team either through rotation or injury, it was something of a surprise when it was announced that he had signed for one more season in the summer. Promptly broke his leg in a pre-season friendly and is working his way back to fitness.
ST: 17 David McGoldrick – an absolute joy to watch. Came to United on trial but was signed after half a game against Stocksbridge Park Steels when it was clear to all concerned that he was and is a thoroughly lovely footballer. If he had pace or could finish reliably he’d have been a megastar; technically he’s superb. Left United in the summer for a fresh start in League One with Derby, he was the Rams’ talisman with 22 league goals in 39 appearances as the Rams missed out on a play-off spot thanks to a dive from Marvin Johnson. Joined newly-promoted hometown club Notts County in League Two this summer.
ST: 10 Billy Sharp – scores goals. Well, used to score goals: he was left stuck on 249 career English league goals with his last for the Blades against Wigan in December 2022. Released by United in the summer of 2023, he took his time before joining LA Galaxy where he’s been a relative success with 6 goals in 11 appearances. Features on the latest season of Welcome to Wrexham where the minnows’ chairmen state that they were living “rent free in his head” after United deservedly knocked the Dragons out of the FA Cup.
Subs
18 Wes Foderingham – still at the Lane, League One Wes is statistically one of the best English keepers this year by virtue of playing behind what is statistically by far the worst top flight defence. Took his chance after Heckingbottom’s appointment, ousting Robin the Clown Olsen and seeing off Michel “No Hands” Verrips to be ever-present since, a couple of suspensions notwithstanding. Shows remarkable resilience to bounce back from injury pretty much every game (which has nothing at all to do with Heckingbottom wanting to get a tactical point over to the rest of the players, nothing at all). Out of contract at the end of the season.
11 Lys Mousset – Wasteman. Another club record signing, this time for £4m rising to £10m although the fee wouldn’t ever get near the maximum. Was almost unplayable in the first 6 months of the 2019/20 season, with the highlight being a near-flawless performance against Manchester United in a 3-3 draw. Form and in particular fitness faded after lockdown as his lack of professionalism began to take its toll; Mousset would end up only making 7 further starts for us after football restarted in September 2020. Joined Salernitana on loan in January 2022 but only made 6 appearances for la granata as he was plagued by further fitness issues. Left United when his contract expired in 2022 to join Bundesliga VfL Bochum but was seemingly ostricised by die Unabsteigbaren for being ”unmotivated, unpunctual and unprofessional”. Officially still contracted to VfL Bochum but spent second half of last season on loan at Nimes and is MIA this season.
13 Max Lowe – joined as part of the double deal which saw Bogle join from Derby, Lowe started as first choice of our three average left wingbacks this season. Spent 21/22 on loan at Forest with an expectation that they would make the deal permanent after promotion but the Dog Nonces didn’t make a suitable offer. Out of contract at the end of the season.
14 Oli Burke (for Sharp, 70) – on loan at Birmingham City (Championship) from Werder Bremen. Spent second half of last season on loan at Millwall. Oli The Burke is the archetypal speedboat-without-a-driver: rapid with next-to-no end product. That he is still playing in the second tier is remarkable but his inability to stay at a club for more than a year is telling. United essentially wrote off £3m (book value) to get him out of the club in the summer of 2022.
20 Jayden Bogle (for Bryan, 53) – still at the Lane but showing the impact of a series of knee surgeries after being cut down at Fulham in the relegation season. Neither use nor ornament at the moment, he seems to be at a career crossroads which is a shame for a player who used to have the potential to one of the most exciting attacking right backs we’ve had for a long time. Another one out of contract at the end of the season.
24 Rhian Brewster (for McGoldrick, 80) – has made the transition back from hype man to footballer in the last month after spending nearly a year on the sidelines with his latest hamstring injury. It’s not his fault that Wilder spent a ridiculous amount of money on him but the returns have been pitiful. Under contract at the Lane until the end of next season.
The opposition
1 David de Gea – currently unattached, doesn't want to go to Saudi Arabia but wage demands putting everyone else off
29 Aaron Wan-Bissaka – still at Man U
38 Axel Tuanzebe – at Ipswich (Championship) having been released by Manchester this summer
5 Harry Maguire – still at Man U
27 Alex Telles – at Al Nassr (Saudi Arabia) having joined £4m in the summer
6 Paul Pogba – moved to Juventus on a free in 2022 but about to be banned for doping
31 Nemanja Matic – now at Rennes (Ligue 1), joined them for €3m this sumer having spent two years at Roma.
11 Mason Greenwood – on loan at Getafe from Man U. Suspended for most of 2022.
18 Bruno Fernandes – still at Man U
10 Marcus Rashford – still at Man U
9 Anthony Martial – still at Man U. Spend last season on loan at Sevilla. Hasn’t made an interception for over three seasons.
Subs
26 Dean Henderson – the nearly man, joined Crystal Palace for £20m in the summer after spending last season at Forest.
2 Victor Lindelöf – still at Man U
7 Edinson Cavani (for Greenwood, 66) is now at Boca Juniors (Argentina)
8 Juan Mata – at Vissel Kobe (Japan) who he joined from Galatasaray in 2022
17 Fred – still at Man U
21 Dan James – joined Leeds for £25m in the summer of 2021 and is still there despite spending last season on loan at relegation rivals Fulham.
23 Luke Shaw (for Telles, 82) – still at Man U
34 Donny van de Beek (for Tuanzebe, 82) – still at Man U, somehow
39 Scott McTominay) – still at Man U
Manchester United 1 (Maguire)
Sheffield United 2 (Bryan, Burke)
21 January 2021
We went into the game with 5 points from 19 games, 12 points from safety with Manchester a point behind rivals City at the top of the table. No-one at all expected United to get anything other than a schooling but we somehow pulled off what should be considered an all-time Premier League upset. Kean Bryan glanced John Fleck’s corner off the far post in the 23rd minute before ex-Blade Harry Maguire nodded in a corner to equalise in the second half. The expected onslaught didn’t materialise and a quick break saw Oli The Burke’s 74th minute shot take a huge deflection off Axel Tuanzebe and go in off the crossbar for what turned out to be the winner.
GK: 1 Aaron Ramsdale – the former United youth product is now at Arsenal, where he’s sulking on the bench having lost his place to David Raya. A reliably bang average Premier League keeper with a habit of diving for shots he was never going to reach, we somehow doubled the £12.5m we paid Bournemouth in the summer of 2021 a year later.
WBR: 2 George Baldock. Furious Baldockiakos. Now a full international for Greece, he’s become virtually indispensable. End product remains a bit hit and miss but his aggression, enthusiasm and love for the club make him one of the first names on Heckingbottom’s teamsheet in the crunch games. We’ve missed him while he’s been out injured. Out of contract at the end of the season.
DCR: 6 Chris Basham. Despite being a Geordie, Basham has become Mr Sheffield United and has made over 380 appearances for us. Joined as one of Nigel Clough’s first signings in July 2014 and if he stays to the end of his contract next year he will have been with United for 10 years. Lost his place under Jokanovic as we attempted to move to a back 4 then became understudy to Anel Ahmedhodzic. Suffered that horror injury at Fulham which has ended his season and quite possibly his United career. Contract up at the end of the season.
DC: 15 Phil Jagielka – covered repeatedly in these reports. Over 760 career appearances at United (287), Everton (384), United (22), Derby (21) and most recently Stoke (47). 40 England caps. Still going at 41 but currently unattached. We should probably sign him again.
DCL: 22 Ethan Ampadu – a £7m signing for Leeds (Championship) in the summer, Ampadu spent last season getting Spezia relegated to Serie B after spending a year getting Venezia relegated to Serie B after spending the season before getting United relegated to the Championship. Undoubtedly technically proficient but inescapably nesh.
WBL: 29 Kean Bryan – signed as a bit of a punt by Wilder in the summer of 2018, Bryan was first understudy to O’Connell and was then unable to take advantage of O’Connell’s knee injury. Left United for West Brom in 2021 but frequent injuries saw him only make three appearances for the Baggies before he was released in the summer. Given that injury record he’d fit right back in at the Lane.
MCR: 7 John Lundstram – at Rangers (Scotland). The less said about Lundstram in 2021/22 the better as he downed tools and set about padding his passing stats for a big move. Ended up at Rangers in the summer of 2022 where fans initially excited about his signing soon realised that they’d signed an average mercenary.
MC: 16 Oli Norwood – still at the Lane and another seemingly indispensable player under all our recent managers, Norwood has repaid his meagre £1.75m transfer fee many times over. The architect of the successful Wilderball rise and, unfortunately, a key component of its downfall as teams realised that the Norwood ‘ping’ to the wingbacks was the key. By shutting Norwood and highlighting his lack of mobility teams have been able to make United a lot less effective so questions are beginning to be asked about his long term future at the Blades. Under contract to the end of this season.
MCL: 4 John Fleck – one of Wilder’s first signings and was talked about as a £20m target for Arsenal at the top of our rise. Nothing came of that and Fleck’s form and fitness have suffered since. In and out of the team either through rotation or injury, it was something of a surprise when it was announced that he had signed for one more season in the summer. Promptly broke his leg in a pre-season friendly and is working his way back to fitness.
ST: 17 David McGoldrick – an absolute joy to watch. Came to United on trial but was signed after half a game against Stocksbridge Park Steels when it was clear to all concerned that he was and is a thoroughly lovely footballer. If he had pace or could finish reliably he’d have been a megastar; technically he’s superb. Left United in the summer for a fresh start in League One with Derby, he was the Rams’ talisman with 22 league goals in 39 appearances as the Rams missed out on a play-off spot thanks to a dive from Marvin Johnson. Joined newly-promoted hometown club Notts County in League Two this summer.
ST: 10 Billy Sharp – scores goals. Well, used to score goals: he was left stuck on 249 career English league goals with his last for the Blades against Wigan in December 2022. Released by United in the summer of 2023, he took his time before joining LA Galaxy where he’s been a relative success with 6 goals in 11 appearances. Features on the latest season of Welcome to Wrexham where the minnows’ chairmen state that they were living “rent free in his head” after United deservedly knocked the Dragons out of the FA Cup.
Subs
18 Wes Foderingham – still at the Lane, League One Wes is statistically one of the best English keepers this year by virtue of playing behind what is statistically by far the worst top flight defence. Took his chance after Heckingbottom’s appointment, ousting Robin the Clown Olsen and seeing off Michel “No Hands” Verrips to be ever-present since, a couple of suspensions notwithstanding. Shows remarkable resilience to bounce back from injury pretty much every game (which has nothing at all to do with Heckingbottom wanting to get a tactical point over to the rest of the players, nothing at all). Out of contract at the end of the season.
11 Lys Mousset – Wasteman. Another club record signing, this time for £4m rising to £10m although the fee wouldn’t ever get near the maximum. Was almost unplayable in the first 6 months of the 2019/20 season, with the highlight being a near-flawless performance against Manchester United in a 3-3 draw. Form and in particular fitness faded after lockdown as his lack of professionalism began to take its toll; Mousset would end up only making 7 further starts for us after football restarted in September 2020. Joined Salernitana on loan in January 2022 but only made 6 appearances for la granata as he was plagued by further fitness issues. Left United when his contract expired in 2022 to join Bundesliga VfL Bochum but was seemingly ostricised by die Unabsteigbaren for being ”unmotivated, unpunctual and unprofessional”. Officially still contracted to VfL Bochum but spent second half of last season on loan at Nimes and is MIA this season.
13 Max Lowe – joined as part of the double deal which saw Bogle join from Derby, Lowe started as first choice of our three average left wingbacks this season. Spent 21/22 on loan at Forest with an expectation that they would make the deal permanent after promotion but the Dog Nonces didn’t make a suitable offer. Out of contract at the end of the season.
14 Oli Burke (for Sharp, 70) – on loan at Birmingham City (Championship) from Werder Bremen. Spent second half of last season on loan at Millwall. Oli The Burke is the archetypal speedboat-without-a-driver: rapid with next-to-no end product. That he is still playing in the second tier is remarkable but his inability to stay at a club for more than a year is telling. United essentially wrote off £3m (book value) to get him out of the club in the summer of 2022.
20 Jayden Bogle (for Bryan, 53) – still at the Lane but showing the impact of a series of knee surgeries after being cut down at Fulham in the relegation season. Neither use nor ornament at the moment, he seems to be at a career crossroads which is a shame for a player who used to have the potential to one of the most exciting attacking right backs we’ve had for a long time. Another one out of contract at the end of the season.
24 Rhian Brewster (for McGoldrick, 80) – has made the transition back from hype man to footballer in the last month after spending nearly a year on the sidelines with his latest hamstring injury. It’s not his fault that Wilder spent a ridiculous amount of money on him but the returns have been pitiful. Under contract at the Lane until the end of next season.
The opposition
1 David de Gea – currently unattached, doesn't want to go to Saudi Arabia but wage demands putting everyone else off
29 Aaron Wan-Bissaka – still at Man U
38 Axel Tuanzebe – at Ipswich (Championship) having been released by Manchester this summer
5 Harry Maguire – still at Man U
27 Alex Telles – at Al Nassr (Saudi Arabia) having joined £4m in the summer
6 Paul Pogba – moved to Juventus on a free in 2022 but about to be banned for doping
31 Nemanja Matic – now at Rennes (Ligue 1), joined them for €3m this sumer having spent two years at Roma.
11 Mason Greenwood – on loan at Getafe from Man U. Suspended for most of 2022.
18 Bruno Fernandes – still at Man U
10 Marcus Rashford – still at Man U
9 Anthony Martial – still at Man U. Spend last season on loan at Sevilla. Hasn’t made an interception for over three seasons.
Subs
26 Dean Henderson – the nearly man, joined Crystal Palace for £20m in the summer after spending last season at Forest.
2 Victor Lindelöf – still at Man U
7 Edinson Cavani (for Greenwood, 66) is now at Boca Juniors (Argentina)
8 Juan Mata – at Vissel Kobe (Japan) who he joined from Galatasaray in 2022
17 Fred – still at Man U
21 Dan James – joined Leeds for £25m in the summer of 2021 and is still there despite spending last season on loan at relegation rivals Fulham.
23 Luke Shaw (for Telles, 82) – still at Man U
34 Donny van de Beek (for Tuanzebe, 82) – still at Man U, somehow
39 Scott McTominay) – still at Man U
